


Eventual Destination

by R_Armchair



Series: Hope Can’t Catch a Break [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series
Genre: All the Love Cliches, F/M, Flashbacks, Magic, Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 5-6 Hours, Romance, Rygdea's Ponytail, Stubble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-08-26 20:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16688248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_Armchair/pseuds/R_Armchair
Summary: Lightning drags Hope along to try and save Vanille and Fang.Things don't go according to plan.Relies heavily on flashbacks.Ignores everything post first game.***As of March '19, the entire 5 hours of podfic audio are available!***





	1. Dropped On Not In

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be 20 chapters and one epilogue. They're divvied up into three parts.
> 
>  
> 
> [All of the Mp3 chapters are Here!!!](https://www.dropbox.com/sh/6sthn5oj5au6z9q/AADaA_-iPD_AM1RxbJaH8LHra?dl=0)

**Part I: Dragged In**

**Chapter 1: Dropped On Not In**

A small click hit my window pane.  Rapidly the sound escalated to rhythmic taps.  If my father weren’t already asleep, he’d probably fly into a panic.  Considering I was on the second floor of our house, this would be a normal response.  I knew otherwise.  Sliding open the window, the intruder tumbled in and knocked me to the floor.  She then nimbly somersaulted across the room.

“You could always just ring the bell, Light,” I said, looking up at the woman.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Better yet, how the hell did you get in through the window?”

“You’ve seen me scale significantly taller things.  Though staying balanced on that ledge was a pain,” she said, finally sitting cross-legged at the foot of my bed.  “So how’s your father doing?  Treating you properly?”

This entire time she’d not only been wearing her uniform, but an enormous grin on her face.  This was the first time I’d seen her genuinely happy in months.  Once I was no longer sprawled on the carpet, it occurred to me that she reeked.  There was a drunken woman, in my bedroom, at midnight.  This was a first.

Even in her inebriated state, she knew I posed no threat.  She was twenty-four, and currently we treated each other more like a siblings than anything.  Though I couldn’t assume to know what she felt about me.  We hadn’t met in weeks and the first thing she did was land on top of me.  I’d never known what she was thinking, and I doubted that I ever would.

“Aren’t you curious why I’m here?” she said, waving her hand in front of my face.

“You always drop in when you report back to the city for the Corps.  However, you tend to use the door.”

“What could I possibly need to tell you that couldn’t wait ‘til morning?  Guess, Hope!  I’ll give you a hint.  I was out with the guys when I got a call from Serah.  And once she told me, I tried it.”

I hoped this wasn’t drug related.

“I don’t know.  Just tell me.”

The hand that had been flailing in front of my face steadied.  Her delicate fingers extended and her palm lay parallel to the ceiling.  With her brows furrowed, she concentrated on the center point of her hand.  Suddenly a small fountain of sparks bloomed.  The bits of dancing light rolled over the edges and vanished in midair.  I touched my fingertip to the shower of sparks and the hair on my head stood in a more chaotic way than usual.  I felt no pain; the charge only tingled.  Once Lightning knew she had my full attention, the sparks curled their way up my finger and encircled my wrist.  The bracelet of light felt welcoming and familiar.  It didn’t carry with it the danger and urgency of a thunder spell.  If anything, it felt like the magical equivalent of a giggle.  She winced, her hand twitched, and the moment was over.

“I think that’s all I can manage right now.  But it’s a hell of a lot more than anything I tried on the way over here.”

“Did anyone see you?” I internally began to panic.

“Who do you think I am?  Snow?  My middle name is stealth.”

She began trying to pat down my hair.  Her skin was still charged, so all she actually managed was to make it stand out like a navidon’s carapace.  The woman erupted into giggles as she ran her hand back and forth slightly past my ends; the strands followed her like a magnet.  She teetered off the bed and into my lap.  When her laughter reverberated against the skin of my neck I knew I had been correct.  Her magic had radiated her mood.

“Ok, Sergeant Stealth.  You should probably get to sleep.”

The woman raised an eyebrow and glanced at my bed.  No.  Definitely not.  She winked at the worry plastered all over my face.

“I’m just pulling your leg, kid.  I know where the guest room is.”

She exited my room, leaving me baffled on the floor.

* * *

 

When I skulked down for breakfast that morning, there were two people at the dining table.  Usually my father would have left for work by now.  Instead he was drinking coffee with Lighting.  She was showered and back to her usually stoic self.

“Ms. Farron just finished telling me that Rygdea is finally looking into excavating your cohorts from their crystals.”

“What?  You didn’t mention any of that in my room last night.”

“Your room?” Wrong thing to focus on, Dad.

“I’m sorry Mr. Estheim, you were asleep by the time I arrived last night.  We didn’t want to disturb you, so we spoke in his room as a courtesy.  I’ll make it a point to speak with him only in the living area if you like.”

Why were they so focused on the room thing?  Like anything would ever happen between us.   Did my father not realize that as far as I knew, she’d been on maybe one date in these past three years?  She was also a trained solider, used to seeing the burliest guys on the planet.  Even just yesterday she had been with Rygdea.  I on the other hand, was still short, and some might even say scrawny.  Not her type.

“That’s not necessary.  Simply surprised me.”

“What’s this about Fang and Vanille?”  I said, taking a swig of coffee.

My father and Lightning were both staring at me.  Now what had I done?  It’s not like coffee was off limits, he and I usually drank a cup after dinner.

“Let me get you another cup Ms. Farron.  You take it with sugar, correct?”

A tiny droplet of coffee shot through my fingers as I covered my mouth.  There must have been something wrong with me today.

“So you steal it, then you waste it,” she said, shaking her head.  “Like I was telling your father, they plan on removing Fang and Vanille from the structure surrounding Cocoon.  They’d initially removed Serah from Lake Bresha, so there’s no reason that this can’t be done.  After a variety of tests, they believe that it won’t hinder the pillar holding everything up.  Or so they think, it’s not like they are all that versed in l’Cie magic. That’s why they brought me in.”

“But they’ll still be in stasis?” I asked.

“That’s what we assume.  If they do wake up again, it’d be best for them to be somewhere we could watch over them. What’s your take?”

I wasn’t in the military, so it’s not like I had an actual stake in this.  But the possibility of meeting Fang and Vanille again, I’d give anything for that.  Especially Vanille.  That girl had the kindest eyes and the cutest damn smile.  Not like Sergeant Sourpuss here.   Don’t misunderstand, Lightning was my best friend.  She was just an acquired taste.

“What about.  You know.  Your little problem last night,” I said, pointing at my palm.

“I’d hardly call that a problem, Hope.  If anything it’s a gift.  I plan on talking to the others about it back in New Bhodum before I bring it up with Rygdea.”

Wait, so she’s on a personal chatting-it-up basis with him?  Not a “my people will call your people” situation.  I felt a scowl forming on my face.

“Which reminds me.  The reason I dropped in last night was to see if your powers were resurfacing as well.”

Dropped in.  Hah.  More like dropped on top of me.  I betted she’d never pull that crap with any men her age.  I looked at my palm.  How would this work?  My magic had always been deeply connected to the brand on my wrist.  Serah had never actually fought, so she wouldn’t have that muscle memory.  But how did Lightning do it?

Nothing happened.  Great, this was embarrassing as hell.  I’d been almost completely dependent on magic as a l’Cie.  Lightning was all about her physical training, yet she could do this and I couldn’t.

“You’re overthinking things,” she said, getting out of her chair.

She stood behind me, reaching around to take my hands in hers.  She’d showered in my bathroom.  She must have used my shampoo.  Somehow, she still managed to smell uniquely herself.  Slightly floral like a rose, yet still earthy like a rain-soaked rock overgrown with lichen.  It was intoxicating at this distance.

“You need to ground yourself.  What’s your favorite smell, or something that makes you happy?  Anything that you feel strongly about.”

I buried every random thought about her that bombarded my brain that instant.  I didn’t know why, but the next thing that came to mind was Rygdea’s cocky grin.  I tried to funnel that feeling into my palms.  Fire burst with an incredible force.  Before I could stop it, the entire table was engulfed in flames.

Lightning was shouting at me while trying to douse the inferno, jets of water flowed from her palms, but they still couldn’t keep up.  Only when some of her spell hit my skin did I regain my composure.  Unlike her giggles of last night, the water was the raw magic I was used to feeling from her.  A torrent spilled from my hands and flooded the dining room.

Well, the table was put out.  But we were standing in inches of water.  And my father was in the doorway holding a fresh cup of coffee, clearly confused.

* * *

 

My father had seemed relieved to be rid of me.  After almost burning down the house, Lightning and I had had a lengthy discussion with him about the implications.  If all our powers were in fact returning, I’d be safest with her.  At least until we got a handle of the situation.  Really, he could have at least pretended he wanted me to stay.  He put way too much trust in this woman.

“Think of it as a vacation.  You never visit New Bodhum.  The gang misses you.  It’s been a year since any of them have seen you.”

I wriggled in my seat.  We were sitting in the private compartment of a train, at least my dad could influence this much.  Here we could talk freely.  It would have been unbearable to sit in silence after this morning.

“Did it occur to you that I didn’t visit for a reason?  Sazh is always away on business and Snow is a moron.  I could go my whole life without ever seeing him again.”

“There’s an ocean, and other people do live there.”

“Is that so, like whom?”

“A certain Guardian Corps member.  I hear she has a beach house.”

“I see you like twice a month.  What if I did go visit you, but it turns out you were drunkenly scaling my wall back home?”

I chose to childishly roll my eyes at her.  I had been trying unsuccessfully for the past hour to replicate the sparks she had showed me last night.  Clearly my magic was back, but I couldn’t access whatever was necessary to make that skill happen.

“Why do you refuse to show me how to do it?  You were all about helping me this morning.”

She held her hand over mine and spilled the sparks onto it.

“Stop being a show off.  Just tell me how you do it.”

“This isn’t like other magic.  I don’t even fully understand what I’m doing.  The _why_ of it: yes, the _how_ of it: not a clue.  I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually. Though, it might take years for a runt like you.  Why are you so hell-bent on learning anyway?  It’s not very useful.”

Because it felt amazing, it looked stunning, and eerily encapsulated an emotion I couldn’t recognize.  Not that I could ever tell her any of that.

When our train eventually pulled into the station, I saw the entire l’Cie crew waiting for us on the platform.  Oh great.  I had naively thought that we’d just go to her house and wait this whole magic thing out.  Some weird, training montage between the two of us had even played in the back of my mind.  After which, I would run off to save Vanille and Fang with her.  Then everything would go back to normal.  Normalcy I’d desperately been trying to keep intact.

“You always have an entourage?  No wonder you visit me so often.”  I smirked at her.

“This is _your_ fan club.”

“What’s a burnt table or two in the long run?  I’m taking my chances and heading home.  When’s the next train?”  I said, peering through the window looking for a display board.

“Too late.  Snow’s already seen you.  Do you plan on disappointing him and Serah?  They’ve prepared you a welcoming party.  Don’t tell me you can look in his eyes and tell him that his deep, passionate, burning love for you means nothing.  He’s literally jumping with joy.  Like a man that large should be bouncing around.”  She lowered the window and shouted out, “Snow you’re going to break the platform.  Stop being an imbecile!”

We had barely disembarked before Snow had me in a bear hug and Sazh was patting me on the head.

“That’s enough.  He doesn’t visit because you guys act this way.” Lightning grabbed me by the hand and yanked me out of their collective hold.

“Clingy much?  You go and see him all the dang time,” Snow said.

His eyes flicked down to our hands, and instantly Lightning let me go.  I hadn’t even realized we were still touching.  It was like second nature to be around her.  No one in the Capital had known us personally, and my father couldn’t care less.  It hadn’t occurred to me that our friendship might be misread by her family.  My hand felt slightly empty, as if her entire person were a phantom limb which I had completely forgotten about.

Our touching had begun organically.  We had been wandering the Capital during its build, and she had walked in a different direction.  I had reached out for her, so that we wouldn’t become separated.  The second our fingers had touched, it had felt like they were always meant to be together.  So we’d continued.  Anytime we’d gone out, we’d walked fingers entwined.

Then one day we’d stopped.  A girlfriend of mine had pointed out that ‘she had to beg for that sort of attention from me’ while I had given it to Lightning freely.  I had explained that it was a familial thing, she was practically my sister.  Not even that complaint had brought our closeness to an end.  No, we had only stopped within the year, long after that relationship had ended.

 


	2. Color Theory

**Chapter 2: Color Theory**

We’d left the station on foot until we reached Sazh’s house.  As beautiful of a beach town as New Bhodum was, that didn’t stop it from being tiny.  Its namesake had been a bustling resort, whereas the houses here resembled thatched rooved shacks.  Once we’d settled in, we had dinner and everyone pressed me about the happenings in the big city.  I grew increasingly drained by their questions and eventual small talk.

“I can’t wait until you stay at the house.  We’re in the midst of converting the guestroom/study/storage area into a nursery.  We are finally cleaning it out, but the spare bed is still in there.  Maybe you can give us some input about what color to paint it.  I’m partial to a neutral yellow.  Serah wants a grey.  She claims yellow looks like piss,” Snow blathered on.

“Wait,” I said, tuning back in, “why would I be staying with you?”

Lightning perked up from her spot on the couch.  She was just as bored with this reunion as I was.  Sazh was tapping her lap, trying to reengage her in their conversation.

“What do you mean at your house?” Lightning said, stalking over to the table to join us.

“You can’t expect him to spend the night with you,” Serah said, following her sister.  “You don’t have a spare bed like we do.  You filled your extra space with exercise equipment.”

For a family of two, Sazh had an enormous dining table.  We all fit comfortably at it.  His home must have been where everyone generally met up.  No one would go to Lightning’s house, she was much too private for that.  I had assumed that Snow’s would have been the hang out, especially since he was still in touch with the NORA gang.  Sazh dragged his son off to bed, getting him out of range of the ensuing argument.

“I can just stay on the couch.”  I looked at Lightning.  “Or the floor even.  I’m sure one of you has a sleeping bag I can borrow.”

“Of course you would stay in my room.  I would sleep on the couch until we get this whole thing sorted out,” Lightning said, grimacing.

“Absolutely not,” Serah gave her sister a pointed look.

“Like hell he can’t.  I stay at his home all the time.  It’s only fair to Bartholomew to have Hope at my house.  Also, he trusted that I take care of him.”  If Lightning were younger, I half expected she would have stuck out her tongue.

“No.  There is a significant difference between staying with him and his father, and the two of you staying _alone_.”

For the second time today, someone was implying that we couldn’t be trusted.  Why was this happening?  As far as I knew, Lightning had never indicated anything to that affect to her sister.  If we had planned on…going through with that particular private activity, we’d have already done it.  And we hadn’t.  Nor would we probably ever.

“Can you guys stop acting like I’m not right here,” I said.  “I really don’t understand why we can’t stay together.  You’re all a bunch of perverts.  I’m not going to do anything to her.”  I reached across the table to hold her hand in mine.  “If we were gonna do something, you’d be too damn late.”

The last line slipped out of my mouth before I could filter myself.  And to be transparent, I hadn’t said “do something” either.  I’d been significantly more colorful in my verb choice.  Snow choked on his tea.  Poor Serah had a horrified expression.  She had never known me all that well; I could only imagine what sort of impression she was now forming.  Snow and Lightning had probably made me out to be an entirely different person.

Lightning tapped her thumb nervously against the back of my fingers.  She had a hint of sadness in her expression.  I had only spoken the truth, but maybe I shouldn’t have called her family perverts.  Especially since I’d be forced to stay with them.

“I was trusted with his safe keeping.  We’re both coming,” Lightning said to Snow.

* * *

 

Once we arrived at the Villiers residence, Snow carried my bag into the multi-purpose spare room.  The space was a clutter filled nightmare of boxes, baby paraphernalia, textbooks, and various other junk.  The walls, initially white, were splotched in a variety of yellows, pinks, blues, purples, and greys.

“Serah’s right.  You picked a dehydrated urine color,” I said, pointing at one of the swatches.

“That’s three against one.  I guess yellow’s out.”  Snow sighed unhappily.

“Three?”

“Lightning hates it too.”

I laughed.  It was hard for me to picture Lightning being remotely involved in things like interior decorating.  This would be her first niece or nephew, her only genetic family aside from Serah.  I guessed that was enough to get her invested.  Pretty soon she’d probably be snuggling the baby and cooing dorky little things into its ear.  If Snow looked ridiculous fawning over things, Lightning and motherhood seemed incongruous.

“You don’t have to rub it in my face,” Snow said, clapping me on the back.  “And what’s that goofy grin for?  You’re usually so moody.”  He ruffled my hair like I was a pet.

 “Honey.” The door creaked open and Serah spoke into the room.  “Lightning and I haven’t had any quality sister time since we went shopping for her date a while back.  I was wondering if you’d mind letting her and I have a girls night in our room.  This might be our last chance before the baby comes.  We have some things we need to…” she craned around and noticed me. “Oh my.  You said you needed a shower.  I didn’t realize you were in here already.”

I definitely wasn’t meant to hear a personal conversation like that.  I found myself blushing profusely.  Unable to speak, I waved my hands around in what I hoped indicated remorse.  Snow picked up my bag and handed it to me.  After quickly unzipping it, I waved around my pajamas like a banner.  Squeezing past Serah, I dashed to the bathroom and out of range of their conversation.  I doubted I was ready to hear any more.

The shower helped clear my thoughts.  Today had been a whirlwind.  Our magic had fully and entirely returned, I’d set fire to my kitchen, I’d been kidnapped by the Villiers, and I’d found out that Lightning had gone on a date.  She was dating someone with enough conviction to tell her sister, or at least had at one point.

* * *

 

I’d thought that Snow would’ve had the decency to sleep in the living room.  This was not the case.  I was forced to spend the night curled in a tiny bed, being spooned by a huge man.  Not how I pictured my first night back to New Bhodum in over a year.  Normally, I wouldn’t care, but he kept hugging me and murmuring Serah’s name.  I guessed my tiny frame was enough to trick the tiny brain he had in his cavernous skull.

Sleep became impossible, so I slunk out into the kitchen in the early morning hours.  Just as I started to close the fridge, Lightning tapped me with her hip.  I dropped the cup of juice I had served myself, shattering it all over the floor.

“This goes without saying, but you scared the hell out of me,” I said as I grabbed a rag and she picked up the shards.

“I just got off a call with Rygdea.  I thought you heard me and woke up.”

Testing my magic, I rinsed the floor with a gentle stream.  That inferno had been a fluke, I could control myself like I’d expected.  When we stood up, she went to wash her hands in the sink.  Before she turned on the faucet, I flushed the stickiness off her.

“It’s kind of icy, can you warm it up?” she asked, rubbing her palms together.

I’d never used magic for such a banal task before.  Therefore, I’d never actually tried making such a specific adjustment.  Focusing on the heat of flames, without casting fire was like brushing teeth with mud.  It was gritty like toothpaste, it might serve the proper function, but it tasted gross and felt wrong.

“Glad I wasn’t wrong about you,” she said, smiling at me.

“What makes you say that?”

She dried herself on the oversized T-shirt she’d borrowed from Snow.  While I’m sure they hung on Serah like dresses, Lightning still had to wear her sister’s shorts underneath.  Whenever she’d shift, the maternity band would show.  She really should have stopped at her own house, if only to at least pick up her pajamas.  She looked bizarre in borrowed clothing.

“Apparently they want to retrieve Vanille and Fang as soon as possible.  I was hesitant, given that I’m with you right now.  But your dad and I trust Rygdea, so I mentioned our circumstances.  He wants you in.  If anyone can figure out how to manipulate magic, even one as twisted as crystallization, it’s probably you,” she said while elbowing me.  “He’s flying in, in a couple of hours.  He agreed to meet us at Sazh’s to discuss logistics.  Sazh already does contract transport work for the military, so we might be able to squeeze him in too.”

“You look way too eager for five in the morning,” I said, yawning and shuffling over to the couch.

“How can you not be?  There might be, however remote, a possibility that we’ll see them again.”  Her shirt billowed as she sat down next to me.

She swiveled and propped her legs over my lap.  Stretching her arms behind her, she relaxed into the cushions.

“Uhm, Light?” I asked, tickling the arches of her feet.  “Shouldn’t you go back to the room?  They gave me a body guard last night.  I don’t think either would be too happy to find you with me.”

“You worry too much,” she said, watching as I yawned again.  “Get some rest.”

She kicked at my shoulder until I flopped over.  With my head on the opposite armrest, I fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

 

“I’m coming, I’m coming.  Control yourself before you break the bell!” Snow said stomping his way across the living room.

I woke up and finally heard a delicate wind chime-like doorbell going off.  I hadn’t meant to fall back asleep, and I doubted Lightning had either.  We had ended up stacking and weaving ourselves into an uncomfortable position.  She had her stomach down to the couch, her face shoved into the armrest.  I had my back balanced on hers, with my head dangling off the couch.  Somehow, she’d managed to scissor her legs around mine.  When I tried to break free, all I accomplished was hitting my head on the ground and rolling her into the coffee table.  Snow glared at us and muttered something while he walked by.

“Rygdea, it is seven in the morning.  You better have a damn good reason to be here,” Snow said, after letting his guest in.

Lightning stood up and tried to straighten out her ill-fitting attire to the best of her ability.  I fingered my hair, knowing it was a lost cause.  Aside from the time he’d rescued us, I’d always been extremely well groomed during his visits to my house.  My dad would be ashamed to know that someone he respected saw me in such disarray.  Rygdea’s eyes went wide when he noticed Lightning’s shorts.

“Farron.  I know there are all sorts of protocol, but you should have told me.  We would have made accommodations.”

“Even if she were pregnant, I doubt calling her out is part of protocol,” I said, suddenly angry.

That wouldn’t be his business anyway.  Unless.  What if he thought he was the father?  I looked between the two of them.  Lightning seemed irritated, but not it in a ‘I hate you so much I need you’ sort of way.  At least, I assumed as much.

“Hope, butt out of this,” she said to me before turning to Rygdea.  “These are my sister’s clothes.  I had meant to be in uniform by the time you arrived.  Forgive my lax attitude, but we are technically at her house and not at work.  Though, I thought the plan was to meet at Sazh’s?”

“Still is.  I just thought it might be fun to pick you guys up.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen yah, lil’ guy,” Rygdea reached over and punched me in the shoulder.  “I’ll wait for all of you to get ready, then we can head over.  Will Serah be joining us to?”

A flushing sound reverberated through the brief silence.

“Nope,” said Snow.  “I think she’s gonna pass today.”

* * *

 

Lightning was in a worse mood than when I’d spoken to her in the middle of the night.  I had taken the time to heal the bruise that had formed on her forehead.  She’d hit the coffee table harder than I’d thought.  But I knew that I wasn’t the source of her frustration.

I’d gone to change out of my pajamas.  By the time I’d returned, Lightning and Rygdea were talking in the kitchen.  Neither of them noticed my approach.

“Rygdea, if we weren’t going to meet at Sazh’s, you should have warned me.  Seriously, I still need to head to my house to pick up my gear.  Hope’s stuff is here, so he can go with you.  But if you’re wanting Snow too, you better tell him now.  There’s no need for him to be traveling back and forth wasting time.”  She was leaning against the kitchen counter, legs crossed at the ankle.

“Amodar says that the easiest way to get a yes out of you is to not give you a choice in the matter,” he said, sipping at a cup of coffee.

“That’s not technically a yes.  That’s forcing me.  The Lieutenant has my respect specifically because he doesn’t do that.”

“This as a trial run.  What it’s like to work with me personally.  When are you going to take up my offer?  Amodar wants this too.  Everybody knows that your talents and background are wasted here.”

A voice whispered into my ear, “It’s not polite to eavesdrop.”

I jumped a little when I turned to see Snow sneering at me.  He shoved past me and walked up to the fridge.  Eavesdropping had never been my intention, it wasn’t my fault they didn’t notice me.

“I called Sazh.  He’s coming over with Dajh and overnight bags for both of them.  Serah and I babysit when he’s got work out of town anyway.  But this’ll be the first time she’s watched him solo.  Good practice for the future though,” Snow said, preparing himself a coffee with creamer.  “Figured you showing up at my humble abode meant you needed more than Sis and Sazh.  So where we headed?”

“At least someone likes me,” Rygdea said, clapping Snow on the back.  “Guess that just leaves you, Lightning.  How about you run home and grab your stuff.  That way we can all head out once Sazh gets here.”

“Yes, Sir,” she said, scowling and leaving the room.

* * *

 

Lightning had let me come along.  Her house was only a couple minutes on foot.

“You going to let me use the door, or shall I climb in your window?  Which one is it?” I asked, as she unlocked the entrance.

She rolled her eyes, and shoved me through the now open doorway.  I snorted as I stumbled across the threshold.  Her house had remained almost unchanged from when my father and I had visited over a year ago.  He’d always insisted we stay at a local inn.  He didn’t find it appropriate for two men to stay overnight at a single woman’s house. 

Though, she was less tidy than I’d remembered her to be.  Bits of clutter filled the space.  A dining table covered with spare gunblade parts, a couch hidden by unsorted laundry, a houseplant dropping dead leaves all over the floor.  Any time I’d visited, each and every room had been cleaned to an immaculate level.

I picked up a wrinkled T-shirt and turned to Lightning, “You’ve led me astray.  To think we’ve spent our entire friendship living a lie.”

“Like you’re room is any better, I just happen to own a house,” she said, ripping the shirt from me and folding it on the spot.

“I never claimed to be otherwise.  Let me guess, Serah comes over and picks up when you have guests.”

“Maybe if you and Bartholomew visited more often I’d have a reason to clean up.  And no.  Serah doesn’t,” she said, making her way towards her bedroom in the back.

I’d almost followed her into the room before I stopped in my tracks.  She was pulling things from her dresser and shoving them into a knapsack.  Once I’d caught sight of a bra, I’d swiveled around and faced the living room.  Listening to her, but not interested in seeing any more underwear, I wandered my way around the house.

In the corner of the living room she had a full-size desk.  Which was empty, since all of her equipment was taking up her table.  I tried to switch on the lamp but the bulb was dead.  The house seemed more like a waystation than a home.  Even the wooden floors were scarred and scuffed from where she’d drug who-knows-what across them. I was about to poke around in one of her desk drawers when Lightning lurched in front of me and blocked my hand.

“How about you keep your snooping to a minimum?”  She wedged herself between me and the desk.  “Actually, just wait outside.  I’ll only have a couple more things I need to grab.  Then we can head back.”

Placing my palms to the desk on either side of her, I leaned in.  “Now, I really want to know.  What are you hiding from me, hmm?”

“Nothing.” She smiled down at me.  “And you’ll find out soon enough anyway.  But not today.”

“I can be persuasive when I want to be.”

“Oh, really?  What’s your big plan?”

So what if I were short and scrawny?  I still was packed with testosterone, so I had that minor advantage.  Along with the element of surprise, I was able to cling to her waist and fling the both of us toward the couch.  We missed and rolled across floor.  She could have stopped us at any point, but she let it happen.

“I’ll just tickle the hell out of you.  You’ll have no choice but to surrender,” I said.

Both of our hands scrambled across each other’s body trying to find bare skin.  Attempting to contain her laughter, she made awkward croaking noises.  These caused me to laugh harder than any of her tickling ever could.  We tumbled and tripped our way across the room forgetting we had a purpose in her house.

Finally out of breath, I acknowledged my defeat.  Lightning had managed to corner me by the window.

“No matter what you try, I’ll always come out on top,” she said grinning from her victory.

I wormed my out from beneath her to sit up.  Leaning my neck onto the windowsill, I stared upward.  Beams and trusses crisscrossed their ways across the exposed ceiling.  The first time I’d visited, it had been for Serah’s wedding.  Lightning had forced me to climb up and string ribbons with her.  I hadn’t seen the point of decorating for a party I hadn’t been invited to, but I’d done it anyway.  Lebreau had insisted that they do some big girly bachelorette thing there.  I wondered if when we saved Vanille, would I be coerced into decorating again?

“One of these days, I’m going to overpower you.  And you’re not going to know what to do with yourself,” I said turning to Lightning.

“Why bother with these childish games, Hope?  You’re seventeen.  Sometimes even Dajh gets bored with crap like this and he’s almost ten.”

“How would you prefer I acted?”  When I said this, something in her expression darkened and her eyes flashed to the desk.

“If you aren’t going to show me what’s in the drawer, will you at least take pity on me and show me those sparks again?” I asked.

“Like I said, you’ll find out eventually.  Just not today,” she said, holding out her hand.

I touched at the fountain, and found it slightly stronger than before.  Whatever current was flowing through it had to be racing.  I couldn’t discern much else as I was instantly distracted by someone barging in her front door.

“Good grief, you guys.  Sazh has been waiting for half an hour already.  How are you still in your pajamas, Sis?” Snow strode over to us and dragged me up by my collar.  “I’m taking the distraction home.  Hurry it up, alright?”

In a completely humiliating move, I was hauled out of the house over Snow’s shoulder.


	3. Font Type

**Chapter 3: Font Type**

By the time Lightning returned to Snow’s house, it had already been decided that we would depart straight from there.  No one seemed to care that I was completely out of the loop.  Anyone’s only concern was whether Serah would be fine by herself.  She, steadfast as ever, reminded Snow that she wasn’t technically alone.  If an emergency arose, Dajh could easily run next door to get Gadot.

So, we found ourselves shuffled and chauffeured across town and into Rygdea’s personal transport.  He’d parked the hideously utilitarian vehicle by the train station.  Welded patches covered the turd.  If this was something the man trusted for his own use, what kind of monstrosities were the rest of the military using?  I tried to ignore the airbrushed woman’s silhouette near the bay doors.  It had been used to mask a rusted, pitted swath of metal.  Instead of looking sexy, it felt like I was entering a diseased brothel.

Thankfully the inside of the ship was up to my standards.  The seats were clean and the computer monitors lit up properly.  I followed Lightning in, but she sat in the seat adjacent to Rygdea.  This forced me to sit in the second row with Snow.  Somehow, Sahz had found himself alone in the last row.  He didn’t mind and casually pulled reading material out of one of his many pockets.

“I didn’t get a chance to ask earlier, but what were you and Sis doing at her house all that time?” Snow said in his horribly loud whisper.

“Picking up her things,” I said, scrolling through the screen in front of me.

“Nope.  Not what I was asking.  I meant what was the thing she was showing you?  Both of you jumped straight out of your skin when I came in the room.”  He leaned in and spoke in a proper whisper this time.

“Just a thunder spell.  That’s all.”

“If you don’t tell me, I can always just ask her.”

“Leave it, Snow.  She was showing me a thunder spell.  That’s it.  That’s all.  There’s nothing more.  I’ve had enough of everyone antagonizing me about the extent of her and my friendship.”  I accidently tapped a button too firmly and set off warning beeps.

Lightning snapped around at the noise, but Snow waved her off.  Resting his arm on his console, he relaxed and peered at me.  Once I’d given up and powered down my monitor, he finally spoke.

“I am a veritable font of advice.  You can always talk to me.  I know you’re closest to Lightning.  But sometimes, she might be too close to the source to be of any help.  Am I right?”

“No.” I closed my eyes and leaned back in to my chair.  “And I’m astonished you even know what a ‘font’ is.”

“I admit, I had to look it up after we visited the Font of Namva.”  He patted at my knee.  “See, I’m honest.  I won’t lie to you.”

“I never said there was a problem.”

“Your fried computer tells a different story.”

* * *

 

The only other time I’d been on board the Lindblum, I hadn’t been able to admire its scope.  The ship was easily large enough to house the entire population of New Bhodum.  As it was, the place was manned by a skeleton crew.  Most of the Guardian Corps, like Lightning and her unit, were stationed on land.  Their time was better served protecting the populace from monsters and clearing debris from ruins.

While New Bhodum had been built fresh, the Capital had been an expansion of some ancient city.  It was located at a higher elevation than the surrounding land.  Like the outcroppings of the Steppe, Titan’s volcanic reach had spread farther across Pulse than anyone had expected.  The plateau of the Capital had been composed of various rocks and tuff.  The original inhabitants had carved into and enhanced natural caves and pits of the rock face.

Just like Paddra, the city served as vantage point for the entire canyon.  But, the buildings were too compact for the people of Coccoon’s needs.  We used the pit-houses for storage, and extended our modern settlement to the land above.

It was common knowledge at this point that the Lindblum was currently a hub for small exploration units.  Just as we had docked, a team arrived in their own ship.  From the way they excitedly dragged Rygdea away, they’d found a promising location for a new settlement.

“Guess that means it’s my job to show you around,” Sazh said, stretching his arms before lifting his suitcase.

“We’ve actually all been here before,” Snow said, grabbing both his and Lightning’s luggage.

“Sure, but I doubt you know where all the facilities are.  For example, Soldier girl here won’t be staying with us.  We bunk in the guest rooms this way,” he said, pointing down a hallway.  “But she’s military, and a woman.  So she’s that-a-way.”  He pointed in the opposite direction down a seemingly identical hallway.

The rest of the day flew by as Sazh directed us all over the ship.  We had lunch in the dining hall, took showers, and then Snow and I agreed to pester Lightning.  While he and I shared a room and Sazh bunked up with a fellow contractor, she was given private quarters.  Positive that Rygdea was giving her preferential treatment, I sulked on her bed.

“Hope, it’s already late.  We’ve missed dinner and who knows what time Rygdea is going to want us tomorrow,” Snow said, leaping beside me onto the bed.  “Damn.  Does this thing have feathers?  You know Hope and I are basically on cots, right?  Changed my mind.  We’re spending the night here.”  Snow said, fluffing a pillow and snuggling into it.

“Get your ass out of my bed,” Lightning said, glaring at us from her desk.  “I don’t know specifics either, but I have a load of paperwork to finish.”  She powered down her computer.  “So go, before someone comes in.  While I couldn’t care less about you staying here, the other women next door would definitely take issue.  Especially with the way you snore, Snow.”

“And sleep talk,” I added, thinking of my inability to rest last night.

“Fine.  Way to gang up on me.”  Snow slunk off the bed.  “We’ll see you in the morning, Sis.”

 


	4. Allergic Reaction

**Chapter 4: Allergic Reaction**

I’d woken up late, and had to rush to make it in time for breakfast.  I wove through the tables with my tray when I spotted Snow and Lightning sitting by the far door.  Both of their plates were picked over, but they hadn’t bothered leaving yet.

I waved, hoping I didn’t have to eat alone.  As I approached, I saw Lightning hold up her hand to Snow.  He must have gone and asked her anyway.  Instantly I was flooded with fear.  I tried to run without tripping over the legs of other diners.  Of course I didn’t make it in time.  Sparks bloomed in her hand and he touched them.

“Holy Shit, Lightning!” Snow’s voice reverberated across the dining hall.

When his eyes caught mine, he grabbed at her wrist and shoved her out the door.  I dropped my tray and jumped over tables trying to get to her as fast as possible.  I needed to explain myself.  She needed to know that I hadn’t meant to keep anything a secret.  My hands pushed through the double door.  The two of them were standing a few feet away.  She looked at me with rage and a hint of fear.

“Get away from me!” she shouted at me.

“Now’s not the time,” Snow said to me before placing his hand on her shoulder.

“You have to let me explain myself,” I said, reaching for her.

“Not now,” he said, pushing me back through the doors.

He let go of her and followed me into the dining hall.

“Before I go back and clean up your mess, I need to know one thing.  Was what I felt true?”  He squinted, as if trying to bring something into focus.

“What do you mean ‘true?’  She won’t even show me how she does it.  All she’s told me is to think of something that you have strong feelings about.  But I can’t make it happen no matter how hard I try.”

“That’s not what I’m asking, Hope.”  He gripped at my arm so hard I worried it would bruise.  “That ‘feeling’ it gave off.  Was _that_ true?”

I shrugged and shook my head, not understanding what he was asking.

“How am I supposed to know?  I think so.  It feels like laughter and happiness to me.”

Snow released his hold on me and closed his eyes.  He wiped his hand down his face and pinched his chin.

“Ok.  That’s what I needed to hear.”  Then his brows furrowed.  “If that’s all it is to you, then why didn’t you tell her?”

I hunched my shoulders.  “I don’t know.  I felt like the second I told her, she’d stop.”

Snow sucked on his teeth and crossed his arms.  “I’m going to sort out this mess.  When she’s calmed down, you need to talk to her.  But don’t expect her to forgive you any day soon.  In fact, I’d stay away from her until tomorrow if you value your life.”

He stepped back through the door, and for a split second I saw Lightning with her face in her hands.

* * *

 

Lightning had been sitting alone in her quarters since this morning.  She had refused to look at me after Snow blew my cover.  Sure, it was a little unfair that I had access to the Lightning that existed below the surface, but I had always been an open book.   It’s not like there was anything about me she hadn’t already known. I knocked gently on the door.

“May I come in?” I asked, technically already entering the room.

She was sitting on the floor, her back leaning against her bunk.  When she looked at me, her glare wasn’t as violent as earlier.  Her hand patted on the floor next to her.  Taking the cue, I sat close-ish to her, just out of striking distance.

“What do you feel?” she said.  “What do the sparks feel like?  You always ask me for it. Here I was I thinking you were just wanted a light show.  What do you feel when I do that?”

She scooted until she was sitting on her knees directly in front of me.  She leaned forward so that her hands where balanced on the floor beside my thighs.  Her teeth bit at her bottom lip.

“I need to know.  What do you think is happening when I do that?”

“Giggles.”

Her face twisted into confusion.

“It’d probably be easier to show you than try to explain in it in words.”

This time I inched forward, my mouth hovered above the crook of her neck.  Her body tensed as we heard boot steps pass through the hallway.  The door was still ajar.

“Humor me.  It feels somewhat blissful.  Kind of like your breath on my skin. Only, I guess this is missing something.  Try tickling me.”

She sat back so she no longer rested on her hands.  I followed her motion, keeping my head against her shoulder.  Her fingertips glided along my torso until they settled at my waist.  Suddenly they were bouncing and pinching in an irregular pattern.  It didn’t take me long to cave.  I started shaking with laughter.  I tried to just keep my laughs in the air above her neck, but it was nigh impossible.  Every couple of laughs and my lips would make contact with her skin.

Embarrassed, I knocked her hands away from me.  We quickly disconnected and she resumed sitting upright.

“So.  Yeah.  That’s what it feels like.  I can understand though, if you aren’t going to do it again.  I should have told you from the start.”

She lifted her hand and held the sparks over my head.  They drizzled down my hair and settled onto my face.  It was like being drenched by a raincloud of pure ecstasy.

“Don’t expect this all the time.  And definitely don’t ask for it in front of Snow,” she said with a smirk.

Her smile was wickedly adorable.  Could she possibly be that inherently beautiful?  Her lips were perfectly shaped.  If there were ever a moment to kiss her without warning, this would probably be it. 

No.  Absolutely not.

I started shaking my head violently.  I must be having some sort of allergic reaction to her magic.  My hands flexed into balls, my nails biting into the flesh.  The woman was seven years older than me.  She definitely didn’t want my attention.

“Are you ok?” she said, stopping the cascade of sparks.

“I’m fine.  I just felt a little light headed for a second.  Anyway, we should head back.  Rygdea actually sent me to come get everyone.  He has new intel.”

“Great,” she said, slightly grimacing.

* * *

 

Something about Rygdea talking to Lightning alone drove me nuts.  Technically they weren’t alone; we were all entering the meeting room.  But he had gotten to her first, having some private conversation.  Who did he think he was anyway?  The bigger question was why did she even bother?  Even though Snow was her in-law, _that_ man could rarely get within five feet of her.

Rygdea’s hand settled on her crossed arms.

“Hey!”

I heard myself shouting the word before my mind even formed a glimmer of a thought.  I was sprinting across the room.

“Get your hands off of her.” The words kept spewing out.

They both turned to me; he quickly released his hold on her.

“How dare you touch her? You can’t just be grabbing women.  As her superior, it’s sexual assault.  If you do it again I swear I will kill your backwoods, rafflesia eating ass!  You son of a…”

Before I could finish my attack, Snow had a strong grip on my mouth and arms.  He was trying his best to drag me back out of the room.  All I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears, so I had missed his approach.  I could see Lightning making apologetic gestures at Rygdea.  Each time she glanced at me, all I could see was disappointment in her eyes.

Once Snow had dragged me to the complete opposite end of the airship, he set me on a bench.  Sazh had followed us and was laughing like a lunatic.

“What, in the heck, was that?” Snow said, his expression serious but eyes twinkling.

“He touched her,” I said, knitting my brows together.  Why was no one else bothered by this?

“Hardly inappropriately.  We all know she would deck a man if that were the case.  Rafflesia eating? Really?” Sahz said, leaning against a railing.

“That’s not the point.  The point is she shouldn’t have to deal with that crap.”

Snow sat next to me, slinging an enormous arm over my shoulder.  “If we intend on saving Fang and Vanille, we’re going to need this guy’s help.  Plus, both me and your dad approve of the guy.” He cocked his head trying to get my attention.  “Is there something you know that we don’t?”

“No.”

That was the truth.  We’d had the man over to our house several of times.  Everyone who met him adored the guy.  All of his subordinates, men and women, practically worshiped him.  Why had I exploded like that?  I shoved my face into my hands.  I could hear booted footsteps clang along the walkway.  Great.

“Have a minute, Hope?” Rygdea said, looking down at me.

I sat up, but I had zero intention of leaving the safety of my friends.

“Guess here is better than nowhere,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “What you saw back there, I’ll give you that it was unprofessional.  She had looked distressed.  I was only trying to put her at ease.  Maybe I should’ve gone about it differently.  Trust me; I will never make that mistake again.”

Then he did something to only further infuriate me.   The bastard winked at me.

“I got your message loud and clear.  I won’t make any more moves on your girl.”

“My what?!”

I launched myself at him, knocking him down to the floor.  This time Sazh tried to disentangle me from the flurry of punches, kicks, and obscenities I was hurling at my victim.  Rygdea seemed to be in on some disgusting joke with Snow because they both started laughing.  No matter what I tried, the man just cackled as I wailed on him.  I even grabbed at his stupid ponytail and tried to saw it off with my teeth.

“Hope.  Rygdea.”

The breezeway went silent.  No one moved, no one spoke.  Lightning had arrived and there would be hell to pay.  I crawled off Rygdea and helped him up.  I dusted off both of our clothes and then stood perfectly still.  A few hanks of hair fell limply over the fastener, no longer attached to his head.

“Everyone is waiting.  We can’t start the debriefing without all of you.”

She turned, never once looking either of us in the eye, and stalked back toward the conference room.

“Good luck with that one, kid,” he said, slapping me on the back.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

 

We collectively returned to the meeting room.  Neither Snow nor I approached Lightning; we sat at the far end of the conference table.  Sazh didn’t seem to care; he’d tried his best to break up the fight.  To make matters worse, she kept craning around him to look at me.  Like I could possibly show my face near her after all of that? Everyone else in the room, namely Rygdea groupies, glared at me with murderous intent.

“So, now that we’re all here, should we get started?” Rygdea said. “We’ve run into a complication.  A flock of zirnitra have taken up residence where we usually land.  They are by no means friendly and attacked the hell out of our recon team.  Thankfully everyone survived, but our smallest ship is destroyed.  We don’t have any other ships that can fit in the tight spaces necessary to navigate the cave system that Fang and Vanille are located in.  The only similar craft we have is a little worse for wear.  If we plan on carrying our equipment and the crystal back, we need to take weight into account.  So we are going to have to use a considerably smaller team.  So Betas, you guys are going to have to sit this one out.”

A young woman to my left made an unprofessional whining sound.  I could hear someone from her squad questioning her.  Apparently she had assured them she was very convincing with Rygdea last night.  Their gossiping made me gag.

“It’ll be just the Alphas, Farron, Estheim, and Katzroy.  That means even Villiers is staying behind.  We need him in communications in case some magical shit goes down and we don’t know what’s up.  Villiers, you are basically our magic-translator.”

“You do realize this isn’t a spoken language, right?” I said, blowing printouts off the table with a spell.  “And the military is familiar with synthetic magic anyway.”

“I don’t see why those l’Cie are allowed to go but we can’t,” whiner-woman interrupted.  “Sergeant Farron’s the only one of us.  How can we trust them not to endanger the mission?”

“Because those four saved all your ungrateful asses.  So if I say they’re going, they’re going.”

“It’s not like she’s wrong.” I leaned back in my chair and folded my arms behind my head. “Before all of you get on my case, it’s not like most of you weren’t trying to kill me a couple of years ago.”

I noticed at least three people flinch.  These people worshipped the ground this man walked on, but none of them had actually met Vanille.  Sure, a couple had seen Fang at a distance, but only five people in this room actually cared about the Oerbans.  Snow punched me under the table, trying to silence me.

“I want to remove Fang and Vanille as much as the next person,” I added for his benefit.  “If anything, those of us familiar with them and crystallization should be there.  Have you ever seen someone complete a focus?”  I turned to the whiner.

“No.”

“Then it’s settled,” Rygdea said, standing up.  “Everyone, I’ll have tomorrow’s schedule uploaded with your departure time.”

 


	5. Homecoming

**Chapter 5: Homecoming**

Despite my best efforts to avoid Lightning for the rest of the evening, she joined me for dinner.  Unlike the meeting, I’d sat first so I didn’t have the option of escape.  She attempted small talk, but I silently poked at the food on my tray.  It wasn’t until she mentioned a recent visit she’d had to the city that I interrupted.

“When are you finally going to move to the Capital?  You’re there frequently enough.”

 “I’m perfectly happy in New Bhodum,” she said, rolling her eyes.  “With my niece or nephew on the way, I’ll need to be around to help Serah.  I want that to last as long as possible.”

“So until you grow old and wither away then?  Never having lived more than a block away from your sister.”

She sighed, and rested her elbows on the table.  “This mission is proof enough that my time there is drawing to a close.  I had asked to set up a branch of the GC in New Bhodum specifically so I could be near my family.  But Rygdea calling me out here only means that he’s going to start asking more from me.  It’s more than just being a l’Cie,” she dragged her fingers through her hair, “I should be up for a promotion soon.  But Amodar knew I wasn’t interested in leaving yet.”

“Yet?”                                                                            

“Yes, Hope. Yet.  I do have other plans you know.”

“And those would be?”

“Explore the rest of Pulse.  I had missions all over Cocoon, even the unsavory bits.  Pulse is monumentally larger and I want to experience all of it.  Of course, I’ll always call New Bhodum home.”

“So you want to travel the world with soldiers like Rygdea, and come home to Serah and Snow.”  I stood up from the dining table and grabbed my tray.  “If that was the case, why did you drag me along?  You could have easily dumped me on them.  Would have solved a ton of your problems.  I wouldn’t be in the damn way, and your brother-in-law and his wife would be safely waiting _at home_ for you.”

I attempted to walk away but she firmly grabbed my wrist.  “Hold on for a second.”

I shrugged out of her grasp and left.  She had made it clear that her plans for the future didn’t include me anywhere in them.  Not that they were supposed to.  But I had considered myself the closest person in her life; at least she was in mine.  Obviously, I was mistaken.

She considered New Bhodum home, even though she’d spent the most important day out of the year with me.  The day memorializing the worst moment in Bhodum’s history.  It should have gone without saying that she would spend that time with her family, especially since her birthday was the day prior.  Not once had she’d done so.  Each year, she’d been with me.

Even this last year, it had just been Lightning, my father and I privately honoring my mother.

We had walked quietly along the dirt road on the outskirts of the city.  The cenotaph for the Purge victims had been constructed near a small lake.  Lightning, my father, and I’d been the only ones there at the late hour.  Candles and mementos had been placed at its stone base by earlier visitors.  Unlike in New Bhodum, the mourners in the Capital had only amounted to those with relatives who’d been swept up by the chaos.  Lightning and I’d actually been present during the Purge.  Those people had only experienced the fal’Cie induced day of Ragnarok, not genocide by their fellow humans. Being alone had suited me just fine. 

At the front of the memorial, a large niche encased in glass had held a Purge robe.  The garment had still been impressively white, and I’d always wondered where it came from.  My memories of the day had been grime and blood-soaked.  Each robe had been as well.

Lightning had gently held my hand once we’d reached the structure.  She’d taken practiced deep breaths as we’d stood silently side by side.  The woman had appeared more drained than I’d been.  Each year, she’d volunteered to attend meetings as representative of the original Bhodum.  The government had wished to guarantee that a preventable travesty wouldn’t repeat itself.

After her meetings, she’d change out of her uniform and we’d visit the memorial.  Which is why we’d always been the last ones there.  I’d never understood why she’d joined us instead of staying with her sister.  She hadn’t told me either, but I’d managed to weasel the information out of my father one day.

Serah had wanted her sister at home.  She’d been a more social person than Lightning.  The NORA crew hadn’t been her only friends.  She’d lost her classmates, neighbors, and others during the Purge. Lightning hadn’t taken the time to know any of those people.  Military members had been exempt from the relocation, so anyone who hadn’t survived the aftermath was mourned on the Fall’s anniversary anyway.

But I had lost my mother.  So Lightning had chosen me, even over her sister.

As she’d held my hand, I’d known for the first time that hadn’t been the only reason she’d come.  She’d known that Serah could handle her absence.  Serah had Snow.

Lightning had me.

My father had walked over to a bench.  He would always spend some time alone, staring at a picture of my mother he’d kept in his wallet.  With him gone, I’d pulled Lightning into a hug.  Her breath had blown through my hair as she’d eased against me.  Her arms had wrapped around my head and I’d felt her lips brush my forehead.

“Next year, we’ll celebrate in New Bhodum,” I’d said.

“What about your father?”

“Of course, he’ll come.  You’re our family.  We shouldn’t be keeping you from yours.”

“You’re not keeping me anywhere, I want to be here.”

We’d stayed clutching each other until my father had wandered over and removed a set of candles from his messenger bag.  Finally letting go, we’d each grabbed one and placed it at the monument’s base.  Passing a lighter between the three of us, we’d lit our respective candles and prayed.

My father and I’d stood up, ready to leave, as we’d done the past two years.  Lightning had remained kneeling.

“Would you mind giving me and your parents a moment?  There is something we need to talk about.”

My father had looked at her, nodded, and returned to the floor.  She’d given me a pained smile when I touched my hand to her shoulder.  She placed her hand over mine, and then pushed it away.

“Please, Hope, just go.”

I’d wandered along the bank of the lake, until I’d heard my father calling for me.  When I’d returned, the two of them had become even more melancholy than when we’d arrived.  The mood had never recovered, not even by the time she’d left for home the next morning.

Her home.  In New Bhodum.  She might have had me, but I didn’t have her.  Not in the totality that I wanted.

“I said wait.”  Lightning caught up with me at the door after she had cleared up her own table spot.  “Can we not be doing this in front of all the people I work with?”  She shoved me into an empty alcove.  “My sister and her husband aren’t the only thing holding me back.  You’re right; I spend more time with you than I do with them.  And they live right down the road.”  Her hand gently folded against mine until our fingers intertwined.  “But this is my career; I do not need your behavior causing rumors.  People are already giving me crap about your outburst at the meeting.  As my friend, you need to act accordingly.”  She touched her free hand to my shoulder.  “Why are you so bent out of shape anyway?”

“What were you talking with Rygdea about?” I said, staring angrily up at her.

Lightning eyed me cautiously.

“You know, before I interrupted.”

“You.  We were discussing how I don’t think you are fit for this mission.  You’ve been acting erratically.  I don’t know if I can guarantee your safety like this.”

Oh.  So she had been telling that man all about how much of an infant I was.  That I couldn’t handle myself.  No wonder he’d laughed at me.

“Was I wrong?  You did choose that exact moment to jump him.  I can’t tell what’s going on with you anymore.  If something’s happening, you need to tell me.”  She lifted my chin to look me straight in the eyes.  “You can trust me with anything.  I’m only concerned because I care about you.”

Just concerned?  That wasn’t enough anymore.  Surely she knew what she was doing to me.  Even this much, holding me like this.  Had she done it to anyone else they’d misunderstand.  Just because I was her friend didn’t mean I was immune.  What would she do if I touched her similarly?  If I went further?

She kept searching my face.  How did she keep missing everything that was on the surface?  Why was she pretending not to know?

I closed my eyes.  I knew this was dangerous.  Either she’d take it as me being completely dismissive of her, or…  There was silence between us.  She was taking in slow deep breaths, and I could feel them nearing me.  The warm air came in waves across the skin of my nose and lips.  Goosebumps pulsed across my arms.  I tried as inconspicuously as possible to heighten myself, lifting my heels.

Her hand wove away from my chin.  Her thumb rested on my cheek while the rest of her fingers settled on my neck and behind my ear.  How long was I supposed to wait, did she or I make the next move?  I opened my eyes.  The second I did, she let me go. The moment was shattered.  She’d rejected me.

“I won’t attack him again.  We promised to protect each other.  I was just looking out for you.  And don’t go behind my back like that.  I was closer to Vanille and Fang than you ever were.”

“Clearly it meant nothing.  You were there.  They want all of us to go,” she said on her way out.

 


	6. Looking Up

**Chapter 6: Looking Up**

There were few windows in the cargo ship we’d taken for our mission.  Scientists and soldiers alike were typing away at various handheld devices.  It was becoming clear to me that I had absolutely zero purpose on this mission with Lightning.  I couldn’t offer anything other than my magic, which the soldiers were currently more proficient at with AMP technology.

I wormed my way past a crate to one of the miniscule windows.  For the first time in years I saw the valley of the Steppe situated amongst a vast plateau.  All of the colonies had been built on the far side of Oerba.  Originally there had been claims that Titan had been harassing settlers, but he had been the one fal’Cie I’d never had a problem with.

The unspoken truth was no one wanted to live in close proximity to the crystal pillar.  It was a difficult enough reminder seeing Cocoon as a distant satellite.  Living beneath the tower where our friends and families perished was too much.

Yet, seeing the Steppe filled me with an unexpected feeling of homesickness.  These wildlands were where I’d grown to understand myself more intimately than I ever had before.  Though, I no longer had Alexander as a visible testament of my self-discovery.

“It looks smaller than I remember,” Lightning said, leaning over my shoulder to peer out the window.

“Of course, it was a disaster on foot.  Even on chocobo.”  I began to laugh.  “Do you remember the time you made me ride alone with you across the entire thing, because you were positive something important was on top of one of the buttes?”

“But all we found was a lost sheep.”  She hummed and rested her head atop mine.

That day, the rest of our party had gone to investigate Cie’th stones.  Not even the disappointment of the sheep had dissuaded Lightning from investigating every butte and mesa.   After hours of this, we’d chosen to rest on the smallest of the table hills.  It had been completely unoccupied.  I’d dismounted and sat down.  It’d seemed as good a place as any to watch the rest of our party.  Barthandelus had left us a ship, but we’d known we weren’t ready to face the future.  So instead we’d run hopelessly around Pulse, avoiding our fates.

Lightning had sat beside me rested her back against my lounging chocobo.  We’d talked until daylight had begun to fade.  I’d learned about her childhood with her sister.  I’d told her about the friends that I’d left behind.  After we’d sorted our differences in the Whitewood, I’d realized that she was easy to get along with.  Despite our age difference, I’d begun to count her as a closer friend than my classmates had ever been.

Eventually, she’d crossed her arms and looked at me.  Her face had been unexpectedly serious.

“I’m sorry.”

I hadn’t been sure what she was referring to.  Placing my head on her shoulder, I’d said, “About the sheep?  Vanille will be happy with the tuft we scavenged for her.”

“She does enjoy wool, though I’ve never seen her do anything other than pack it away.  But that’s not what I meant.  I’m sorry that you somehow got involved in all of this.  But I’ll stay true to my word, I’ll protect you.  Snow seems positive that we can make it out of everything.  That we’ll get Serah back.” She’d had a faint smile as she’d leant her head against mine. “And I’m beginning to believe that idiot.  He’s proven to be able to strong arm his way out of any situation.  So no matter what happens, even if everything goes to shit, we’ll make sure you survive.”  She’d turned slightly to look at me.  “You’ll reach adulthood.  You’ll get married.  You’ll have children.  You’ll live a long fulfilling life.”  She’d held my cheek in her palm, determined to have my full attention.  “Promise me you’ll do those things for me.”

I’d taken her hand and pulled it down to my lap.  “Why are you acting like you’re not going to be there?  I expect all of you guys at my wedding.  As for my children, whenever I have those, you better be in their lives.  They need someone strong to look up to.  My father is an accountant and my mother was a homemaker.  Not exactly the most exciting people on the planet.” 

“Hope, you are,” she’d said sighing slightly, “The first friend I’ve had in years.  And you don’t give me any choice in the matter, do you?  Following me around.  So I just want to hedge my bets on this one.  Lie if you have to; just promise me you’ll be ok when this is over.”

 “Before you try to marry me off, shouldn’t we focus on your love life first?” Then I’d snorted.  “What about that Cavalry guy with the hideous ponytail.  He looked interested.”

She’d made a disgusted face.  “Rygdea?  Pass.”

“It’s not like we have a lot of options as l’Cie right now.”  I’d looked at our party fighting in the distance.  “What about Sazh.  He’s a family in kit form.  Instant son.”

“The man is twice my age.  Absolutely not.”

“Light, you’ve spent this entire time telling me how we shouldn’t let others dictate our actions.  You shouldn’t let something like age stop you from knowing when someone is perfect for you.”

“Easy for you to say,” she’d slouched back into the bird.

Ah, how quick I’d been to spout advice about things I’d had no experience with.  Knowing was never the problem was it?  A person could ‘know’ how they felt, but that in no way reflected execution.  While there were some things ‘you just do’, there were inevitably some things you mustn’t.

Soon the window became obscured by the all-encompassing blue of Cocoon and her pillar.  The room we were in darkened as the craft wove between crystal outcroppings.

“Guess we’re here,” Lightning said as she left my side.

We docked somewhere inside a series of cavernous passages.  Their entrances had been hidden by the enormous shards of crystal.  Apparently, these veining paths would lead us directly to Fang and Vanille.  I disembarked as soldiers began rolling crates of equipment out the bay doors.

* * *

 

We approached the center of the cavern.  Fang and Vanille were encircling each other, balanced on a small pillar.  The symbolism wasn’t lost on me.  They were a miniature Cocoon, suspended above the ground.  Odd, as they were Pulsians.  If anything, it should have been us crystalized there while they roamed the land beneath.

I couldn’t help but run past the extraction team.  I needed to see the women.  I touched the pillar they were on, since I couldn’t reach their bodies.

“Gods, kid.  I could’ve cut your arm off,” a soldier brandishing a chainsaw yelled at me.

“Could you give us a minute?  They may just be a piece of history to you, but they’re our friends.  If something goes awry, this could be the last time we see them,” Lightning said, putting herself between me and the angry soldier.

“I have a bad feeling about this.”  The crystal felt frozen against my skin.  “Not a world ending fear, just a ‘things might go unexpectedly’ kind of fear.”

“You saved the world, and you’re worried about something insignificant as ‘things not going as planned’?” Lightning said, crossing her arms.

“Let’s just say…” I dropped my head onto her forearms. “The unexpected has been leaving me frustrated enough recently to be nervous.  I can’t even tell which direction is up.  I don’t think I can take anymore.”  I stood back, remembering that my clinginess reflected poorly on her.

She pointed her finger at her face.  “As long as you can see this, you’ll be looking up.”

“And what happens when I outgrow you?”

“Outgrow?”

That hadn’t been the word I’d meant to use.  Outgrow implied she was a passing fancy of my childhood.  Like a toy, once I reached adulthood I would no longer have need of it.  I would always need Lightning.  Truthfully, she had probably already outgrown me.

“That’s not what I meant.  When I grow taller, where shall I look then?”

“We’ll see eye to eye.”

I laughed at her entirely corny speech.  Had I looked so pathetic that she was humoring me to her own detriment?

I could hear that same soldier with the chainsaw snorting and mumbling something.  Whatever he had to say, I’m sure it had been even more inappropriate than anything Rygdea had ever uttered.  When I turned and glared, I saw him flinch.  I guessed trying to kill Snow had its benefits.

“Do you mind?  Me and the guys really do have to take this bad boy down,” the soldier said, waving at a crew holding a variety of ropes.

Lightning and I stepped out of the way.  We watched from a distance as men and woman threw ropes around the crystal.  Some were pulled taut, while others were knotted and tacked to the ground.  Once Vanille and Fang were netted into place, chainsaw-man went and began hacking away at the pillar.  Sparks and shards flew everywhere as he chopped our friends down.

I felt my hands reach out as the miniature pillar snapped and the women toppled to the ground.  Vanille and Fang broke apart, and the crash had sounded less like shattering glass and more like a scream. Lightning’s arms wrapped around me.

“They’ll be ok,” she whispered into my ear.

“Not if one of them lost a limb.”

A team of people ran up to the women trying to figure out what went wrong with the supports.  Someone with heavy glasses gave a thumbs-up to everyone else.  Our friends were still intact.

“At least they’ll be easier to carry out of here,” some soldier said, making light of the situation.

After the ropes had been removed, the two crystals were placed on dollies and wheeled out of the cavern.  I made sure to butt in and helped push Vanille.  When I accidently ran her into a stalagmite, a soldier ripped her from my hands.  He navigated her with ease.  That one guy had had a point, moving them one at a time was hard enough as is.  We probably wouldn’t have been able to squeeze the both of them through some of the areas.

* * *

 

“I don’t see why they insisted on separating them,” I said, looking at the two crystals.

Once we had them aboard the vessel, they had remained on their separate dollies.  I’d assumed that they would have been tied down together or something.  Instead, they’d just been rolled aboard and shoved into separate corners.

Somehow, Vanille looked lonely.  Not that she had any means of changing expression, but the longing was there none the less.  Regardless of what her and Fang’s relationship was, they’d had a physical connection that lasted three years.  It reminded me of how much I missed Lightning’s touch, and it wasn’t like we’d been in constant contact.  I reached next to me and brushed my fingertips to hers.  She squeezed my fingers and released them.  All the while, she kept talking to one of the soldiers.  I bit my lip, wondering how much I could get away with before she would turn and talk to me.  I fully understood that this was work for her, but it’s not like I had any relationship with these people.

I wound my fingers between hers.  Still she didn’t look at me, answering questions about the little she knew from her milliseconds as a crystal.  I stroked my thumb along her inner wrist, making sure to scratch her lightly with my nail.  Finally she let out a small gasp mid-sentence.  I had her attention.  She excused herself from the poor sap and turned to me.

“Is there something you need?”  She pinched my fingers between hers; it was surprisingly painful.

“Do you think that crystals can look upset?  The only one I’ve seen before was Serah, and she looked vacant.”  I pointed at Vanille.

Lightning’s brows furrowed.  She was seriously considering my question.  Before she could answer me, Sazh’s voice came over the speaker.

“We’re hitting some turbulence.”

The small craft immediately began to shake.  I latched onto Lightning’s waist, not wanting to embarrass myself by falling over.  She was steady as a rock, but to onlookers I might appear as a gentleman for supporting her.  Then a large thunk jarred the craft and everyone collapsed anyway.

“And apparently an angry zirnitra.  Don’t worry, the pilot thinks we can out maneuver him.”

The zirnitra was relentless and the craft kept shuddering.  It ended up hitting the door to the cargo bay and opened it partway.  Vanille and Fang had fallen over just like everyone else on board.  With each jostle, Vanille scooted closer to the open door.  I saw several crew members trying to slowly inch their way towards her.  Wanting to help, I forgot that I was still clinging on to Lightning.  She had her free arm looped around a random pipe.  The closer Vanille got to the door, the more I knew I had to do something.  As much as I wanted to stay connected to Lightning, I couldn’t let Vanille fall.  We would have no way of saving her if she shattered into a million pieces.

“Forgive me,” I whispered to Lightning, burying my nose in her hair. 

Then I let go of her completely.  I ran disjointedly on the shifting floor.  As soon as I reached the crystal, it slipped beneath the door.

“Don’t!” Lightning shouted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends Part I.  
> Hope you're having a good time so far :)


	7. Falling For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the patience of a pecan. So I'm dumping the first three chapters of Part II today.  
> Here on out, I'll probably be posting one-ish chapters a day until we reach the end.

**Part II: Best Laid Plans**

**Chapter 7: Falling for You**

I leapt after Vanille.  Not one of the smarter moments in my life.  It’s not like I had any means of stopping us from crashing into the earth.  I didn’t have Alexander, nor did I have a grav-con unit like Lightning.  Too late.  I latched onto her crystal form.  If she was going to explode into nothingness, at least she wouldn’t be alone.  Separating her from Fang was our greatest mistake.  Well, this whole mission was probably a mistake.

“Let go of her you idiot!”

As the wind slashed at my face, I attempted to turn around.  This plummeting to my death thing was going significantly slower than I imagined.  Or at least since I last remembered.

“My unit won’t keep up with the weight.  Drop her.  The woman supported a planet; she’s going to be fine.  We on the other hand, will definitely die,” Lightning said, clinging onto my foot.

She’d jumped after me?  Of course she had.

“I can’t do that.”

“Screw your feelings; I can’t protect you like this.  Trust me.  She’ll make it.”

I didn’t want to believe her, but I also knew that Lightning would never let go of me.  The possibility of her dying by my hands was something I couldn’t bear.  For now, I needed faith that things would work out.  I released my hands, but felt a yank.

“I’m stuck.  My clothing is hooked somewhere.”

Well, so much for heroics.  None of us would make it out alive.  I felt Lightning struggle to scale up my legs, I reached as best I could to shimmy her up.

“Hold on to me as tightly as you can,” she said.

With my chest pressed into hers and my arms wrapped around her waist, she finally took her hands off me.  They frantically began searching along my back, up to my neck, down my ass.  Were we not in freefall, I could have enjoyed this more.

“Found it,” she said, reaching into a pocket and pulling out her survival knife. “It’s these damn loops on your purse.”

The second she sliced my pack, not a purse, off me the resistance picked up.   Relying on me to hold her, she extended her arms and legs to slow us further.  Then I understood her plan.  A warm wind funneled out of her hands and surrounded us and Vanille.  It was the most nauseating sensation, being pulled constantly downward by gravity while being shoved upward by her magic in bursts.  Sweat beaded on her brow, but she didn’t let up.  We were coming down fast.

“Let me help,” I said, wrapping my legs around her and releasing an arm.

“No!” she shouted into my ear.  “We’re going to land _hard._   I need you as close to my body as possible for this to work.”

I didn’t realize we’d even approached the ground until I saw the jolt of electricity explode from her grav-con unit.

We slammed across the dirt and she lost consciousness.  My limbs remained tightly knit around her as we rolled and dropped further into a ravine.   I screamed as my elbow snapped between us and a rock tore through my shin, but the sight of blood spilling out of her mouth upset me more.  I drained all of my healing magic into her, but she didn’t wake.  Bone and muscle crackled and crunched in her torso.  Her organs rearranged but the blood kept coming, no longer able to fit in her cavity.  Her pallor finally improved and her breathing relaxed.  She was merely sleeping now, a smile leaking from her dreams every once in a while.

Knowing she was safe, my body finally relaxed.  It took the opportunity to empty the contents of my stomach.  I knew I should remain awake in case of monsters, but I could barely keep my eyes open.  I crawled up next to her and rested my head across her belly.  I placed my working hand on her chest.  I forced any bit of magic that replenished into her until I passed out.

 


	8. Hmm, Must Be Broken

**Chapter 8:  Hmm, Must Be Broken**

Morning sunshine and the feel of clean sheets.  Bright laughter and affection.  The absence of doubt and uncertainty.  Knowing I was wanted.

All of this flooded the empty vacuum of my dream.  Somehow I knew this feeling, yet also didn’t.  As if I were trying to remember a specific moment, one that didn’t exist.  Filtered.

I awoke to the crack of Lightning’s gunblade.  Apparently an errant goblin had approached us.  She’d killed the thing in one hit.

“You’re finally awake,” she said tapping my forehead, “It’s a miracle nothing ate us during your watch.”

The forehead that I now realized was resting in her lap.  Sometime after she woke she’d sat up, yet hadn’t bothered to shove me off.  I scrambled to my feet, finally with enough energy to look around.  Only then did I notice that I was scratch free.  I flexed my arm and rotated my ankle.

“Thanks,” I said sheepishly.

I lunged forward, and slid my hands beneath her coat.  I placed one palm to her belly, the other I placed on her back above her kidneys.  She squirmed as I pumped more healing magic into her body.  Her skin felt cold to the touch.  Instead of dealing with her still apparent injuries, she’d wasted her magic on healing me in my sleep.  Using her gunblade had been proof of that.

“Are you done yet?” she said as she lay down, defeated.

“Not a chance.”

I pulled my squished hand from her back and placed it to her chest.  She unzipped the top of her sweater, giving me access.  She wanted me to finish this as quickly as possible.  While we had been l’Cie, I could have healed her instantly from a distance.  What I wouldn’t have given for that level of power now.

“You don’t have a headache or fever do you?” I checked her forehead by placing mine to hers.

“No.  I’m mostly tired.  Any lingering pain I had, you got rid of.”

I wanted to ask her why she’d taken care of me.  Yes, I’d been banged up, but there had been nothing life threatening.  I pushed my fingertips beneath the knitted fabric to feel her clavicle.  She took a sharp breath that shifted the hand I’d rested below her diaphragm.  I watched as she flushed, warmed skin finally gracing my touch.

“That’s enough for now.”  She shoved me off and readjusted her clothing.

 “Any idea where we are?”

“Somewhere near the Steppe.  From what I figure, we’re to the West on entirely separate grassland.  I remember seeing the gorge on our way down.  We’re in one of the canyon sets similar to the chocobo enclave.  If my navigator weren’t broken, I’d give you better specifics,” she said, tapping at her watch.  “But the thing you’re really looking for is over there.”

She pointed toward a small grove of trees.  At their base were fragments of crystal littering the ground like diamonds.  I cautiously approached the area with Lightning on my heels.  Had Vanille not landed as safely as we had?  I’d been too completely preoccupied to even care.

Bless this moment.  Vanille was intact.  More or less.

When initially split off the main crystal, she’d still had ragged extra bits jutting every which way.  Now all that remained was her body in a fetal position.  Amongst the debris I also located my poor, decimated pack.  Lightning had done me no favors when she cut it free.  The thing looked like leather ribbons.  Thankfully, the only truly important thing it carried was my boomerang which had somehow survived the fall.  It’s not like I’d ever use some of the other items I’d kept in there anyway.

“So what’s your plan?” Lightning said, resting her hand on a hip.

I hadn’t had one.  She knew that.

“Well, Lover Boy.  You could always try _that_.  Don’t look so confused.  I mean you could try giving her a smooch.”

How did she come to that conclusion?  What good would a kiss do?  This was the work of fal’Cie, it wasn’t fairy tale “true love” magic.  Plus.  My kiss wouldn’t work on her.

I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder.  Was she really expecting this?  Did she really want me to kiss someone else? To kiss someone right after she had jumped out of an airship to save me?  She really must have just considered me a useless child.

“Kid, you dove after her without a grav-con unit.  I think it’s worth a shot.” 

“Stop putting words in my mouth.  I don’t like Vanille like that.  I don’t know why I jumped.”

No. I did.  Saving Vanille was the right thing to do.  But I’d also known something else on a subatomic level.  I’d known that Lightning would follow me.

My communicator started blinking and beeping. “Come in, Estheim.  Are you there? Estheim.”

Great.  Out of all the damn people, it had to be _him_.

“Yes, Rygdea?”

“Thank heavens.  We’ve been trying to contact you and Farron for hours.  We were preparing for the worst.  Do you have information regarding her whereabouts?”

Lightning snapped my wrist to her mouth.  “I’m here.  The package is safe too.  Some of my equipment got damaged during impact.  I can’t offer exact coordinates.”

Here she was, breathing on to my skin like it was nothing.  Talking to Rygdea like I wasn’t even there.  Who’s that boy?  Oh, that’s no one.  It’s just a walking mannequin with a communicator on its wrist.  Let’s have it make out with that statue and see what happens.  Nothing?  Hmm, must be broken, we’ll just leave them here.  Oh well, good times.  Let’s go back to our beach bungalow and make sweet cowboy lovin’.  You can use your lasso.

“Hope.  Now’s not the time.”

I looked up at her.  Tiny flames were licking their way across my palm and towards my watch.  They were also sprouting vertically, dangerously close to her face.  Then the burning-hair smell hit me.  There was a tiny curl of smoke rising from the ends of her bangs.  Instantly I extinguished the flames.  Oops.

“I’m so sorry!” I said, trying to pat down her face. 

All I actually accomplished was slapping her forehead pretty hard.  I’d seen her angry before.  This time, I was surprised I didn’t piss my pants.

“Is everything ok down there?” Rygdea squawked from the tinny speaker.

“Everything’s fine.  We’re in a ravine.  It’s too narrow for any craft to reach us.  We’ll call you with more details when we reach the valley.”

* * *

 

We spent the next hour or so trying to find a way to move Vanille.  I had been adamant that we not leave her behind.  Sure she had survived the fall, but who knew what could happen.  The earth might just open up and reclaim her.  I wasn’t Lightning; I didn’t have a contingency plan for every damn little thing.

I eventually tried to fashion a rope from bits of vines that had been growing along the canyon wall.  Needless to say, they snapped the instant I tried to hook them on the crystal.

“Like I’ve been trying to tell you, she isn’t going anywhere.  If we can’t move her, I doubt a random monster will.  They never touched the Cie’th stones did they?”

“We can’t just leave her.”

“Hope, it’s safer if we make our way to the rendezvous point and then bring back a crew to move her.”

I wanted to tell her how I couldn’t believe she’d leave someone behind like this.  But I knew for a fact that wasn’t the case.  She’d left Serah behind at Lake Bresha, and that girl was her only family.  She’d also left me behind in the Vile Peaks.  Why had I been so certain that she’d follow me today?

“Fine,” she said.  “We’ve lost almost all our daylight anyway.  We’ll hunker down here for the night and try again tomorrow.  Go fetch some wood.”

Once we’d fashioned an impromptu camp, we sat by the fire.  I tried to sit as inconspicuously close to Lightning as possible.  I wasn’t entirely sure when I became so needy.  I just knew that being near her was necessary.  I’d worried myself into a corner that she might up and leave me again.  Not that she’d ever left me since.  Well, besides emotionally.

“You staying awake defeats the purpose of my keeping watch,” she said, meticulously cleaning her blade.

 “Are you still not going to explain how you make that meteor shower?” I inched closer to her. 

“Is that what we’re calling it?”

“Yeah.  I’ve decided this just now,” I said grinning.

I grabbed at her hand and began staring at it.  Maybe with close inspection I’d figure this damn trick out.  If not, I’d still be able to enjoy myself.  The sensation had been stronger when she’d applied it to my face last time.  I closed my eyes and rubbed my cheek into the sparks.

“I doubt that’s going to help you learn anything,” she said, strumming her fingers on my temple.

I started to giggle uncontrollably, her joy infecting me.  I was beginning to notice that there was an undercurrent to this particular emotion.  I hadn’t noticed it the first time, but as I acclimated myself it was becoming clearer.  There was a presence that I recognized as “Hope.”  This feeling she had was related to me.

Something about _me_ made her this happy.

Surely, I wasn’t the only thing.  There were various shades of color, sensations, and tastes.  All of which I couldn’t put together even if I knew that I should.  Giggles.  Those were certain from the beginning.  In her quarters I’d identified tickling.  Giggles.  Tickles.  Hope.  They were all there, but at the same time not.  The feelings tangled, warped, and knotted into something else.

“Would you mind doing something for me?” I asked.

“Aren’t I already?”

“Something extra.  Would you mind sharing a bit of this with Vanille.  I don’t know if she can feel anything as a crystal.  But something tells me, this might get through to her.”

She slid her hand off my face.  I could see a bit of disappointment cloud her eyes.  Yet, she humored me anyway and walked over to Vanille’s curled body.  She kneeled down and whispered something before flicking her palm.  The sparks dusted Vanille like falling petals.  I swore for a second that they radiated from inside the crystal before vanishing.

Maybe I could do it this time.  She had said to think of a strong emotion.  I’d never actually just thought of something that brought me unregulated happiness.  Though I didn’t want to admit it, she would always be that person for me.  Even if we were only friends.

I brought a clear image into my mind.  She’d been acting spectacularly dorky.  For the first time since our party had landed on Pulse, a chocobo had let her approach it.  I doubted she’d known anyone was watching.  We’d all been given separate tasks, so I technically should have been scouting for food.  She’d started secretly making “kweh” noises at the bird.  The creature had happily squawked back at her.  Previously, she’d been nothing but serious and determined to save Serah.  That had been the first time that I’d realized she hadn’t been as distant as she’d let on. Twenty-one was barely older than a teenager.     Just remembering made me grin like a fool.

“So you figured it out?”

I glanced down at my hand.  Sure enough, there were several errant sparks dancing around.  A pathetic display, but it was there all the same.  Once again, Lightning had been spot on.  I could understand _why_ it was happening, but I had no control over it.  She came over to me and tried to grasp at one of the sparks.  Immediately I shut my hand.

“Uhhmm.”

“I get it.  The feelings that make it happen are extremely private.  Ironic right?” she said, settling back by the fire.  “Perhaps you could show Vanille this time.  I bet she’d appreciate your feelings more than mine.”

Something about her expression riddled me with guilt.  She looked even more defeated than before.  I desperately wanted to make her happy, but I worried that my magic might leak extra information.  There would be more than the enormous birds.  I wasn’t ready to face that reality yet.  I walked over to Vanille and knelt beside her.

“I should be reassuring you.  Letting you know that we’ll protect you and Fang.  But I’m sure you’re already aware of that.  So, right now, I want you to wake up just so I can ask for your help.  Even if I couldn’t understand half of the cryptic crap you said, you always led me in the right direction.”

Placing my forehead to hers, I whispered, “Please help me get through to Lightning.”

I urged a single spark out of my palm; it dripped onto Vanille’s chest.  The small glimmer of light migrated to her heart.  Suddenly, small blooms of fireworks sprouted internally.  I could see her organs taking shape in oil slicks of color.  I called frantically to Lightning.  The second she dropped beside me, Vanille’s body burst in a cloud of crystal dust.

I hacked, my mouth full of powder.  None of us had actually witnessed each other’s awakenings.  Had it always been this messy?

“Holy Sh…” Lightning didn’t finish her sentence.

Vanille opened her eyes.


	9. Hope Is Lost

**Chapter 9: Hope is Lost**

One would think that this was when we’d reconnect with our comrade.  We would spend this moment tightly embracing one another, astonished by a miracle.

That was not what happened.   Before Vanille had uttered one word, Lightning was frantically grasping for my arm.  The dust being kicked up caused both me and Vanille to fall into coughing fits.  Unaffected, Lightning jerked my wrist to her lips and engaged my communicator.

“This is Sergeant Farron.  I need to talk to Rygdea.”

Wow, this woman took her job too seriously.

“Rygdea here.  Something going on?  Your boy toy giving you trouble again?”

And he didn’t take his near seriously enough.  Had I not promised otherwise, I would murder him any day now.

“The package is active,” she said.

There was silence on his end.

“Vanille is awake.”

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean ‘am I sure?’  The woman is staring at me right now, Rygdea.”

She then proceeded to jerk my arm in front of Vanille’s face.  I really was just a mannequin.

“Uhm.  Who’s Rig-dee?”

“You made it?  You’re alive.  You’re really there Vanille?” Sazh interrupted.

“Oh, Sazh! I’ve missed you.”

Hope, the mannequin.  Vanille had literally talked to Lightning, Rygdea and Sazh. I woke her up and what did I get? Nothing.

“As wonderful as reunions are, Farron, what’s the deal with the time line?” Rygdea said.

“We’re making camp for the night.  On foot we’ll reach the valley before sundown tomorrow.  If we manage to catch a ride we’ll be there by lunch.  From there, we’ll be able to give you directions.  You guys better be ready.”

“All right.  See you then, Lightning,” he said, the communicator clicking off.

Wait, he’d called her Lightning.  Since when did that start?  As I thought more about it, she’d never actually referred to him as Captain.

A delicate hand touched my thigh.   “I’ve missed you too, Hope.”

Words turned to mush in my mouth.  I lifted Vanille into my lap so that I could hug her properly.  She felt warm and soft, unlike when I’d clutched at her lifeless crystal.  Her pigtails tickled my skin, and her fingertips ruffled my hair.

“All this time and you still have the same haircut?” she said.  “Hmm, but you look older.”  She ran her fingers down my jawline, traced my cheeks, pinched my nose, and paused at my lips.  “If you’d been cute then, you’re definitely handsome now.”

She let out a small giggle, and cocked her head.  Her gaze was now on Lightning, and she raised an eyebrow.  The older woman pulled her lips into a severe line.

“He hasn’t changed all that much.  It’s only been three years,” Lightning said.  “And if you insist on acting like feral cats, I’ll be over there resting.  Wake me at dawn.”

Scowling, she stalked as far as possible while still remaining in the firelight.  She lay in an almost corpse like fashion.

“Not quite the response I was hoping for.  Maybe I laid it on too thick,” Vanille said, crawling out of my lap.

“Huh?”

“I should probably explain.  Unlike my first time in crystal stasis, Fang and I could hear and see things.  Not completely, just moments and thoughts.  Every once in a while we could see what you guys were up to.  Like a dream of reality.  That doesn’t make sense does it?” She grinned. “So…I heard your request, and I’m here to help.”

I felt my face flush.  I wasn’t sure why I was embarrassed then instead of all the times before.  It must’ve had to do with the fact that I could no longer deny it.  If what she said was true, Vanille knew how I actually felt about Lightning.

* * *

 

The next day, I discouraged any and all private talk between Vanille and Lightning.  Anytime I’d see one of them approach the other, I’d immediately ran and interrupted.  Whatever Vanille might have planned was probably a terrible idea.

My mood was made worse by the fact that we were lost.  Lightning had been so certain that we were close to the Steppe.  Yet as we made our way through the ravine, we hit a dead end.

Our failure did have one mild benefit.  We unexpectedly cornered two chocobos into the cliff face.  The birds could have easily jumped their way up the protruding ledges.  Instead, they wandered up to Lightning and began rubbing their heads to hers.  She pretended to be grouchy with them, dodging their affections.  I wondered if Sazh knew that he had competition.  Once Dajh’s and his pet grew, I bet she would fall madly in love with Lightning too.

Once the soldier had convinced the chocobos we needed their assistance, I helped lift Vanille onto her steed.  Not that she needed it, we’d all rode them before.  She looked over to Lightning.

“Look how much he’s grown up.  Quite the honorable young man, no?”

“Grown how?  Both of you are still tiny,” Lightning said, holding her pinched fingers in front of her face.

Why did she have to bring that up?  Yes I was still shorter than her, but that’s because she wore heeled boots.  It’s not like I hadn’t grown _any_ since she’d met me.  I was technically as tall as Vanille.  She had definitely noticed enough to comment on it nine months ago.

We’d been standing in the kitchen, while I’d rifled through the cabinets.  I’d noticed her staring at me.

“You’re getting slightly taller,” she’d said.

“Of course I am.  What were you expecting?”

She’d stepped over to me.  She’d run her hand from the top of my head to the place it had lined up on her body.

“Your dad is only average height, and from what I gather your mom was a shorty like you.  I thought you were doomed.”

I’d huffed and had rolled my eyes at her.  “You know, not everyone cares about things like that.  Plenty of girls fall to their knees at the very sight of this face alone.  Bask in the glow of my magnificent beauty, Light.  It’s a privilege.”

She’d leant her back against the refrigerator.  “Oh, is that what ol’ what’s-her-face said?  Spent all day telling you how pretty you are.”  She’d pinched at my waist.

I’d squirmed away and had dropped my face to the counter.  “We broke up ages ago.  Don’t bring up my misery.  Maybe I am doomed.”

“What happened to all that ‘women can’t get enough of my godlike splendor’?” 

She’d ruffled my hair, and a tingle had run down my spine.  I hadn’t been able to tell if it had been static electricity or something else.  The way she’d jerked her hand away meant she’d felt it too.

“You’re one to talk.  In the entire time I’ve known you, not once have you mentioned a boyfriend.”  I’d stood up and had attempted to finger my hair back into place.

“No one has fit the bill quite yet.  But if you happen to meet any enormous, rugged, strong, manly-men,” she’d said, pausing for emphasis, “send them the other direction.  I get enough of those idiots at work.”

“Maybe we should go out,” I’d said before my brain had caught up, “to pick up some lunch.  I can’t find anything in the house that you’d like.  There’s a new café down the street.  Their sandwiches are loaded with meat.”  I’d found myself stuttering and rhyming.

Multiple monster meat sandwiches?  Had that really been the best I could come up with?  I stalked over to Lightning just to prove her wrong.  I bent down and cupped my hands together.

“What are you doing?”

“Obviously, you’re supposed to step on it.  I’m trying to give you a boost.”

“You think I can’t get on myself; or are you implying I’m too heavy to lift?”

She leapt onto the chocobo.  At this, I’d determined that she was going to spend the rest of her life glaring at me.  She hadn’t once smiled at me since we woke Vanille.  What had I done to deserve the Snow treatment?  Putting my hurt aside, I grabbed at the feathers and pulled myself up.  I settled in and wrapped my arms around her waist.

“Explain yourself,” Lightning said venomously.

“Does it look there’s a third bird?  I’m riding with you,” I said resting my cheek to her back.

“You are most certainly not.  Get off,” she said wriggling beneath my hold.

“Well, I could.  But it’ll cost yah.  I’ll just run off and tell everyone a certain little secret of yours.”

I felt her body go rigid.

“And that would be?”

“That you, a hardened soldier, happen to have a thing for…”

Suddenly her hand was gripping at my knee.  If she held any harder I was worried her nails would shred through the canvas.  I rocked forward off my bottom so that I could whisper into her ear.

“ _Kweh, Kweh._ ”

At that, I burst in a fit of laughter.  My body was shaking, I was smacking at my thigh, and she started shoving me away with her elbows.  The chocobo had no idea what to make of the ruckus on his back and started jumping in circles.  In the process, it catapulted the two of us to the ground and darted away.

We tumbled in a tangle of limbs.  I found her sprawled across me just like she had done in Serah’s living room.  The atmosphere was different this time.  She had only become more stunning since then.  I yanked the arm that was pinned between our torsos out. With the now freed hand, I brushed her hair out of her face and over her neck.  I slid a finger along her earlobe, down her neck, along her collar.  Stopping once I reached her zipper, the tab clinked against the chain.  She blinked at me, but made no effort to escape.  Which secret had she thought I was going to spill?

“See.  My height has no relevance when we’re like this.”

“Don’t be crass, Hope,” she said, kneeing me in the gut.

I could faintly hear the sound of Vanille dismounting and walking over.

“Good grief, what happened over here?”

We both rolled to look at her.  Lightning clambered off of me.

“Nothing,” she said. “He and I will travel on foot.  Because of his stupidity, we’ve just added to our trek.  It’ll be a miracle if we make it to the valley before nightfall.”


	10. Hairy, Hairless, Harried

**Chapter 10: Hairy, Hairless, Harried**

We spent the next day traveling along the canyon floor.  Now that we were going in the correct direction, morale was slightly higher.  The closer we reached the exit, the stronger a stream flowed beside us to cut the path.  It had run off the plateau above us in a small waterfall.

While the waterfall was about a two hour hike from the valley, its stream ran through the ravine, beneath the canyon ledge, and out into the Steppe.  Just as Lightning had anticipated, we were on the far end of the gorge.

So we set up a camp a few minutes from the exit, but not close enough for larger creatures to wander in and eat us.  The days passed, and Rygdea seemed less enthusiastic.  He wouldn’t give us specifics, but he also wasn’t sending anyone to pick us up.  The man had led us to believe that once we had clear coordinates it’d be a matter of hours before pick up.  Now that our rescue was possible, he remained silent on the matter.

One morning, Vanille took it upon herself to bother me after breakfast.

“Well that’s definitely new,” Vanille said as she approached me.

She lunged at me and slapped both of her hands to my face.  She rubbed up and down, causing my entire face to begin itching furiously.  I tried to wave her off, as Lightning had turned at the outburst.  Vanille’s wing-woman efforts were continuously backfiring.

“Lightning, he’s covered in stubble!” she said as she rubbed despite my frantically brushing her hands away.

“Trust me, she knows.  She drops in at all hours of the day.  She’s seen it before.”

Though not admittedly this long, it’d been days since I’d shaved.  I could only imagine how ridiculous I looked.  Unlike Snow, I couldn’t pull off the rugged look.

“Seriously, you need to feel.  It’s deliciously scratchy.  Fang never gets like this.  Mmm,” she said as she tried to close in.

“Stop!” I said, before she managed to rub her face on mine.

“Control yourselves.  I swear I’m the only one who remembers we might be in danger,” Lightning said as she dragged Vanille off me by the strap of her shirt.

Before Lightning could get too far, I called out to her, “Did you want to?”

She looked at me quizzically.  I guessed she didn’t.  Of course she wouldn’t.  Why on earth would she ever consider touching me like that?  I knew I was throwing myself all over her recently, but that didn’t mean she wanted to reciprocate.  Vanille grinned deviously from behind Lightning’s back.

“Here.”  Stepping toward her, I took her hand in mine.

I slipped off her glove and placed the supple skin of her palm to my cheek.  When I let go, her hand remained there.  She gently fingered the contours of my face.  I was probably a million shades of embarrassed.  A few sparks sputtered from her hand, probably unintentionally.   All she was doing was observing me, yet it felt intoxicating.  Not one to miss an opportunity, I lifted on my toes and rested my nose to her shoulder.  This way my scruffy cheek lightly brushed her silken one.  She gasped slightly, not loud enough for anyone but me to hear.  She pushed herself into me, weaving her fingers into my hair.  Oh thank heavens, she was into this.  I wasn’t just putting myself out there like an idiot.  I rolled my neck so that I could experience different parts of her face with mine.  Placing my hands on her waist for leverage, I ran my slightly open mouth along her jawline.  This was not a kiss.  It was merely…an exploration.  What did she feel like, what did she taste like, and what did she want from me?  I was close at this point, just a subtle adjustment.  If she wanted it.  If she’d let me.  Her mouth was so damn close.

“What are you up to?” she said through her teeth.

Oops.  I guessed I’d pushed things too far.  Pulling back, I looked at her.

“What do you think?”

“Something that shouldn’t be repeated when Vanille is watching.”

There was a slight blush on her face.  There was hope for me after all.  I took back everything I said, Vanille was the greatest.

* * *

 

While the ladies went tromping around for the day, I was left behind.  Where’s Hope?  Oh, you know, being domestic.  We need our extra equipment cleaned, our camp tidied, our dinner prepared.  Who should do it? Why the youngest and weakest of course.

Few things were more boring than watching jerky cure over a campfire.  Even worse, was how many batches I had to make in an effort to preserve an adamanchelid.  Vanille and I had been on reconnaissance at the ravine’s exit when she’d spotted the creature moseying by.  He’d been a juvenile and smaller than any I’d ever seen.  She’d then scampered up the rock face and jumped on the giant’s back.  I’d been forced to get involved when it’d bucked her off and almost stomped her.  Regardless, we’d killed it and the meat had been some of the most tender I’d ever tasted.  There were only three of us though, and this thing could have fed everyone aboard the Lindblum. 

Once Lightning and Vanille returned, we ate what was left of the cuts of steak.  A relief, since I could go the rest of my life without having to butcher another oretoise.

I settled next to Vanille, so that Lightning could finally rest.  I noted the way she extended her limbs and flexed her ankles.  The woman was exhausted.  She unstrapped her holster and set it next to her.

“As much as I adore you Hope, why don’t Lightning and I take the first shift.  I need some girl talk.” Vanille said.

She waved me off, clearly wanting me to sleep as far away as possible.   I glanced at Lightning; was she okay with this? 

“What?  You afraid I’m going to reveal some deep dark secret?  That you have very little chest hair or something.  She’ll find out eventually.  Sorry to burst your macho dreams, but some women like that.” Lightning said, stropping her knife against her leather holster.

I felt my face blaze.  There was no proper way to respond to her words.  Was it an insult?  She _was_ basically calling me a hairless child.  Was it a complement?  She said women liked that.  Did that mean she liked it?  She liked me shirtless.  It had never occurred to me to cover up when she visited. 

A memory from last month surfaced.  Lightning had spent the night, like she did 80% of the time when she had come to town.  Calling the third bedroom a “guestroom” was merely a formality.  The only one who ever used it was her, and she’d taken up filling the closet with her clothing.  I’d walked down to breakfast when both her and my father had startled in their seats. 

“Hope, you can’t be walking around like that with guests in the house.”

“Dad it’s just Light.  It’s not like she hasn’t seen me in my boxers before.”

Lightning had almost spilled her coffee and had shaken her head at my father.  He’d merely nodded.

“Son, you are almost an adult.  Act like one.  Be courteous to Ms. Farron and get changed.”

I’d thought nothing of that morning, except that Lightning had been acting a little jumpy.  But now I understood what happened.  What I had insinuated to my father.  Small noises seeped out of my mouth.  They ranged from uh, urk, to gghhh.  Any second now and I’d probably start frothing like a rabid animal.

“Awe, he’s tongue tied,” Vanille said, a smile spreading across her face.

I just kept wordlessly staring at Lightning.  If there was even a remote possibility that she had actually felt the same way about me, I’d made her life a living hell.  I was a worse person than I thought.

“I’m sorry,” slipped out of my mouth.

“Sorry for what?  Being hairless?  Not much you can do about genetics.”

“No.” I bit my lip.  “I’m just sorry.”

I flopped onto my side and rolled away from the two of them.  She’d been my best friend.  I’d shared everything with her.  Things I found hilarious.  Things I found stupid.  Activities I liked.  _Girls_ I had liked.  She’d given me endless advice.  I’d even shared my heartache with her.  Of course none of those relationships lasted all that long.  As much as I’d liked them, it just hadn’t felt right.  Like _they_ weren’t right for me.   I’d stopped dating entirely.

Now here I was mad about her, and basically whining that she didn’t want me right this damn second.  No wonder she was suffering from whiplash.  It was clear to me now that I didn’t deserve her.  Not in a thousand years.  I lay there, willing myself to sleep.  I was not successful.  After some time passed, the women finally started talking.

“You think he’s asleep yet?”

“No.  He tends mumble in his sleep,” Lightning answered.  “You still up?”

“Uhmm…yes,” I said quietly.

“Technically I can just show you, Lightning.  But I need him to promise he won’t look,” Vanille said.

“Of course.  I promise.”

There was shuffling, and I felt someone approach me.  I knew it was Lightning the second she kneeled behind me.  Maybe it was the smell, or her movements, but her presence was as obvious as daylight to me.  Her hands touched the base of my skull.  Automatically I turned to look into her eyes.

“So much for keeping your promise,” she said, smirking slightly.

She began to undo the knot on my bandana.  I felt her slowly slide it across my neck.  The corner fluttered along my nose.  I watched as she spun it into a band and laid it across my eyes.  I reached out and held my hand over hers.

“You aren’t going to hurt me are you?”  I wasn’t sure where that thought came from.

“I could never hurt you.  You heard Vanille, we just need you not to look.”  She retied the knot at the back of my head.  “Here, a consolation prize.”  Her sparks drizzled across my face.

Blindly, I searched the air for the hand with the magic.  Once I clasped it, I brought it to my cheek like last time.  Every time I felt it, the intensity grew.  I maneuvered her palm to rest on my lips.  The second the sparks touched, it felt like they’d found their home.  This feeling had always meant to touch my mouth.  I licked cautiously at her skin, seeing if taste would affect anything.

“Gods, that was forward of you.” She jerked out of my grasp.

I tried to regain a hold on her, but she was already leaving.  Why couldn’t I take my own advice and dial it down a notch?  If I kept going at this pace I was going to drive her away.

“Heh.  It’s pretty clear to me now that I might not have to show you after all,” Vanille said giggling.

“Show me anyway.”

I heard gentle rustling, but that was all.

“This is mine.  Do you understand now? This is part of a pair.  Yours is too,” Vanille said softly.

“So this is the same as mine? It looks different.  Do you mind if I touch it?” Lightning asked.

“I wouldn’t have showed you if I didn’t.”

Lightning gasped softly, taken aback by whatever Vanille had asked her to feel.

“Now do you see why I needed his eyes closed.  I don’t think he understands the implications quite the way we do,” Vanille let out a gentle sigh.

What the heck were they talking about?  For a second I thought it was something related to nudity, hence my blindfold.  Whatever they were doing, they needed to stop before it got awkward for me.  Which would then be awkward for everyone, darkness or not.

“How long have you known about this?” Lightning asked extremely quietly.

At this point their conversation turned to whispers.  Drowsiness was overtaking me, but I felt like they were reaching a critical point.  Like there was something that I should be getting, but wasn’t. 

* * *

 

I awoke to the sensation of someone lying next to me and tapping my arm gently.

“Yes, Light?” I mumbled still half asleep.

“It’s time for your shift.  Vanille is already asleep.”

“You positive she’s sleeping?  It’s just the two of us?”

“Take off your blindfold and see for yourself.”

Instead, I rolled onto my side.  I searched with my hand until I found Lightning’s waist.  Using that as a form of reference, I hoisted myself up and crawled on top of her.  I steadied my hands beside her shoulders, and pressed my knees to the outside of her thighs.  I leaned down and brushed my chin along hers.

“Do you want me to kill you?”

“I do believe you promised not to hurt me while I wore this.  The Light I know would never go back on her word.”  I laughed into her skin.

“I never said I wouldn’t punish you when you took it off.”

I inched my way down her body until my face was level with her midrift.  I folded the flaps of her jacket away from her stomach to expose more skin.  I touched my stubble to her belly button and felt her shiver beneath me.

“I can tell you like this, and your only complaint was that Vanille was watching earlier.  According to you, that’s not the case anymore.”

I alternated running my cheek and my lips across her skin, placing what I hoped were imperceptible kisses.  She made a variety of humming noises that vibrated straight through her torso.  I, for the most part, had no idea what to do with my hands.  They just kind of sunk into the dirt beside her.  If this was going to head anywhere, I probably needed to touch her.

I sat up, and adjusted her legs to lie on the outside of me.  I was now kneeling against her, with her knees propped up and biting into my sides.  Though she’d let me rearrange her to my will, she was silently reminding me that this would end the second she decided so.  Ultimately, she was in control of the situation.

Wiping my hands off on my shirt, I decided on my next move.  I slipped my hand up the back of one of her thighs.  She tightly pinched my hand into her calf by tucking in her knees.

“Trust me,” I said.

She relented and I felt the tension release from her muscles.  I ran my hand along the back of leg, and rested on her calf.  Then I did something I knew she’d never expect.  I pushed her leg back towards her body.  She let out a yelp of pain.

“That’s what I thought.  I haven’t seen you stretch once.  With you doing all of the heavy lifting in the monster department, you really need to take care of yourself.”

I proceeded to stretch and massage the muscles in her legs.  It even required that I remove her boots, which I was surprised she allowed.  She let me touch her however I wished.  Even if the entire thing ended up being chaste, I found it oddly stimulating.  I wanted to feel every inch of her like this.  Pliable and begging for my touch.

“I think that’s enough for now,” she said quietly.

I leaned back over her body and pulled off my bandana.  Her eyes were heavily lidded and she was already falling asleep.  She reached up and stroked my hair.  I rolled my neck so that my cheek settled into her palm. 

“As much as I’d love to keep playing with you, I can’t keep my eyes open any longer,” she said.

“Playing?”

This was playing to her?  Wow, had I got the mood completely wrong.  Yes, technically it ended with a cool down, but everything before that definitely wasn’t playing.   I wasn’t a damn pet.  The woman didn’t even bother to answer me.  Her eyes closed, breathing became shallow, and she began drifting into sleep.  As I started to get up, she tentatively grabbed at my wrist.

“Do you think you could watch the site from here?” she said, pulling me back next to her.

When I sat back down, she scooted and rearranged herself.  Her body was curled into a fetal position, with her head in my lap.  She draped her cape across her arms.  I stretched out my legs in front of me, and she immediately latched onto them with her own.

 “Vanille kicks in her sleep.  We don’t have blankets.”

“At least now I know your next present.  One of the packable down kind that’ll fit in your pouch.”

She yawned into my thighs, causing all my hairs to stand on end.  I wasn’t particularly cold, so I removed my jacket and laid it across her bare legs.  We remained silent, for a few moments.  I thought she’d already fallen asleep.

“I love the ones at your house the best,” she said absentmindedly on the cusp of sleep-talking.

“Is that so?” I said, rubbing at her back.

“They smell.”

Well, that wasn’t the answer I was expecting.  I assumed it had been about how plush they were.  My father claimed a good night’s rest was the key to a clear mind in the morning.  It could have been a load of crap, but I’d never slept uncomfortably until those first days on the run.  Her body was already limp against mine from sleep.

“You want ones that stink?” I asked.

“Mmm, smells,” her head lolled as she tried to answer me, “like you.”

After that, she felt completely boneless in her sleep.  Damn, Lightning was using every opportunity to confuse me.  She’d nag me all day, and then when it’s time to sleep she’d do a 180.  If history were to repeat itself, she’d completely ignore every bit of this in the morning.  Surely she’d remember it, but we would never discuss it.  She’d probably even get mad.

As I kept watch on the campground, I found myself more lost than before.  Even the simplest idiosyncrasies drove me crazy.  She’d led me to believe that she liked me hairless.  But then it was clear that she enjoyed my stubble.  So did she or didn’t she like hair.  Which was it?  She didn’t want anything to do with me when Vanille was watching, and then suddenly she’d cling on to me.  It was like an endless loop of nonsense.  I kept myself miserable like this for hours.

Her dreams had become restless.  She was fidgeting and digging her nails into my legs.  Her brows knitted together and her eyes dashed to and fro beneath her lids.  Holding out my hand, I tried to make the meteor shower appear.  The old memory of the chocobos only resulted in a spark here or there.  I needed something stronger.  I brought up the image of her nervously biting her lip by her bunk.  She’d been anticipating something from me that day.  More sparks appeared this time.  It wasn’t the amazing fountain she’d produced for me, but it was at least consistent and full.  I let them trickle onto her lips.

Instantly her expression changed.  Her eyebrows lifted in surprise, she bit at her lips and made a soft moaning sound.  Alarmed, I jerked my arm away.  The second the sparks left her, she made a whimpering sound and her hands searched the air and ground trying to find them.  It didn’t take her long to locate my hand and bring it back to her mouth.

“Still n…” she mumbled incoherently.  Her pitch had adjusted to something wistful.

She stretched her free hand to find my face and stroked her fingertips across my lips.  She began to lean up towards me.    She had always let me do as I pleased before eventually shutting me down.  Whoever this dream person was, she was lusting after them.

This was the moment that I chose to freak the hell out.

I didn’t actually hurt her.  Standing up and letting her roll out of my lap couldn’t have been comfortable though.  Her face was full of disappointment as I scampered away.  Healing magic washed over her body as I made sure that she wouldn’t wake with any scuffs.  Just in case.

I sat as far as I could from both her and Vanille.  My knees pulled up to my chest, I dwelled on the reality.  The woman could flirt with me all she wanted, but there was someone out there she actually wished to be intimate with.  Briefly, I had narcissistically believed that I could have been that person.


	11. Who Wears the Pants?

**Chapter 11: Who Wears the Pants?**

“Well if today isn’t the definition of a turd sandwich, then I don’t know what is,” Vanille said.

The three of us had spent all morning crowded around my communicator arguing with Rygdea.  The conversation had ended with the Lindblum rudely cutting signal.

If he wasn’t going to send a pick up, then Lightning couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t let us leave.  Technically, we had wandered Pulse on foot and survived before.  Despite being on the opposite side of the Gorge, we were equidistant from Oerba as we’d been during our l’Cie days.  According to her, it was entirely possible for us to just waltz up to Vanille’s old home by ourselves.

Strangely enough, Vanille agreed with Rygdea.  We shouldn’t move locations.  Regardless of Lightning’s viewpoint on fate and the universe, things had worked out in our favor last time.  Today, we’d have no way of knowing if Atomos was even still in the area.  If he weren’t, we’d have to make the underground trek entirely on foot.  But there were only automata down there, so we’d run the risk of using up our food supplies.

Just to rub salt in Lightning’s wounds, Vanille had also pointed out that there were only three of us, not six.  None of us had eidolons.  And we weren’t nearly as well equipped.  We’d been lucky to crash into a relatively safe environment.

Lightning was pacing, unable to think of another plan.  Turd sandwich, indeed.

“Don’t worry, Light.  They’ll think of something.  Maybe we should just take the day off for now.  We’re not in any rush.  Plus we have fresh water and supplies here,” I said.

“Only you would say ‘let’s take a day off’ while stranded.  I swear if I weren’t here you and Vanille would be dead by now.”  She looked over at the girl.  “Take that back, she’d be alive.”

“You have such little faith in me.  I provided breakfast; you were too busy talking to Rygdea to bother hunting something.”

“Yesterday’s jerky does not count as breakfast.  But I have to settle since you have proven to have no culinary skills.”

“No, you’re just too finicky.  I cook perfectly fine.  Vanille has yet to complain.” I gestured my thumb at the girl.

“Then why don’t you just cater to her every desire and leave me out of it,” Lightning said, crossing her arms.  “I know you’ve been dying to since you saw her crystal.”

“Happily, and while I do that you can run off into the woods and have communicator sex with Rygdea for all I care.  I’ll give you my damn watch!” I said, ripping off my watch and throwing it at her.

She caught it midair. “You better believe it.  Have you taken a good look at him?  He’s got it all, and do you know what his best quality is?  He’s not an idiot like someone.”

I knew she didn’t mean it, but I felt every cell of body implode.  I would never compare to the sort of man she was used to.  She needed someone who shared her interests; I didn’t ever plan on joining the military.  I would always be younger than her, and probably shorter for that matter.  Basically, I was the epitome of everything she wasn’t.

Watching her interact with Snow, it was clear she had a short fuse.  She’d been that way the entire time I’d known her.  Yet, this felt like the first time we’d ever been truly angry with each other.  All of this was over nothing; I didn’t have the crush on Vanille that she assumed I had.  As for Rygdea, well, Lightning knew he was my pressure point.  I’d made that clear when I’d attacked him onboard.

I crossed my arms.  Somehow I wouldn’t be the first to apologize.  Vanille just stared at the two of us.  So much for being my wing-woman; she should’ve been intervening right now.

“Vanille,” I said.

Lightning unleashed a guttural sound in anger.  She was grinding her teeth.  I found myself slightly conflicted.  Jealously looked hotter than I’d expected.

“Lightning refuses to believe nothing is going on between us.  So, for the record, for everyone present, for everyone everywhere: I do not like you in a romantic way.  You are my friend.  Not even my best one, that’s reserved for her.  You are just a regular friend.”  I waved a hand.  “Care to help me explain this?”

Lightning’s expression began to melt.  She almost appeared unwilling to accept the truth, as if things would be easier for her if I did like Vanillle.  I supposed they might, she wouldn’t have to worry about a teenage boy being obsessed with her.

“Lightning.  I’m gay for Fang.  We’ve been a couple for centuries.” She walked over and clasped her hands to Lightning’s shoulders.  “I’m not going to jeopardize things for a boy, since I’ve never liked one my entire life.  And you might be right about Hope being an idiot.”  She let go of her.  “But he’s not the only one I’ve seen since waking.”  She jabbed me in the chest before leaving us alone.  “Fix this.”

“Sorry,” I said.

“That’s all I get, sorry?  After you said such a repulsive thing to me?”

“What do you want from me?  I apologized and told you I don’t like Vanille. I can’t give you any more than that.”

Lightning was acting like I hadn’t just announced that I liked her.  There was no way she didn’t already know, but this was the first time I’d _practically_ said it.  If humiliating myself wasn’t an apology, I didn’t know what was.

“If I hurt you, I’m sorry.  I’m a little thin-skinned when it comes to matters like this, Light.”

“And you think I’m not?”  She handed me back my watch.  “Rygdea is nothing more than a superior.  An annoying one at that.  I don’t know why you keep lumping the two us together.  You already know he’s not my type.”

Throwing my arms around her in a hug, I pressed my face into her chest.  Even though we’d been bathing, we didn’t have soap.  This left her smelling deliciously musky, and I couldn’t help taking in a deep breath.   When I breathed out, her hair overhanging her shoulder fluttered.

“I know I shouldn’t have said something so inappropriate.  Gods, I don’t know where the hell it came from.  Believe me; it felt disgusting the second it came out of my mouth.”  I felt her resituate herself until she could return my hug.  “Please forgive me for being an A-hole.  If it helps my case, I’d like to remind you I’m a teenager.  They are notoriously hormonal.”

She playfully smacked me on the back of the head.  “Don’t bring up ‘hormonal’ to women.  We will always win that battle.”  She peeled me away from her so she could look at me.  “However, no matter how angry you get, it is never ok to talk to a woman like that.  We get enough shit from men we hate; we don’t need it from those we care about.”  She ruffled my hair.  “On that note, I shouldn’t have said the things I did.  It’s impressive you’ve managed to put up with my attitude since we crashed.  I’ve been acting a little unfair.  This whole thing feels like my fault.  I promised your father I’d take care of you, so it’s my responsibility to get you back in one piece.  But that would be a hell of a lot easier if we weren’t stuck in the middle of nowhere.”

“Never apologize.  You’re stubbornness is one of your best qualities.”

“You could have phrased that differently.  Dedication. Loyalty. Sticking to my convictions.”

“Nope, you’re stubborn.  But that’s ok, because I like it.”

She looked down and something caught her attention.  A small snort escaped her mouth and she held up my wrist.  Pointing at my pasty watch tan, she smiled and shook her head.  I ripped my hand away and replaced my watch.

We didn’t discuss anything after that.  Lightning left to scout the perimeter with Vanille.  I stuck around the campsite, checking in with the Lindblum.  They didn’t have any further news.  In fact they suggested the same thing I had, to stay put.  Whenever they would be able to fetch us, this would be the ideal location.

The day passed at an abysmal pace.  I had planned a special apology for Lightning, but I wasn’t sure if she’d like it.  So as the hours ticked by, I kept second guessing myself.  The three of us had just finished dinner when my communicator beeped.

“Alright, it’s go time lil’ buddy,” Snow said through the device.

The two women looked at me curiously.  I stood in front of Lightning who was still seated.

“Thanks,” I responded.

I clicked at buttons on my watch to make the audio come in louder.  It was a waste of the solar battery, which is why we usually huddled around the device.  Also, the mic could only pick up everyone if we were right on top of it.  We wouldn’t need to answer Snow after this, so I cranked it as loud as it would go.

Music began to pipe in.  Damn, Snow.  I had asked for some folk music.  Instead he was blaring orchestral.  He knew exactly what was up with my request.  That didn’t surprise me; I’d overheard Serah and his conversation about the date back at the house.  Now I wouldn’t be able to play it off as something for all of us to decompress with.  Lightning would know that this was specifically for her.

“Come dance with me, Light.” I extended my hand to her.

“You going to let me lead again?” She stood, a smile spreading across her face.

“You’re technically wearing a dress.”

She dramatically brushed imaginary wrinkles from her skirt.  She took me into her arms and began waltzing me around the campsite.  She danced us close to the bushes and then swung me out of the way.  I constantly had to kick rocks out of our path, which resulted in ridiculous looking steps.  Finally with the area clear, we sped up.  Yakshini had nothing on our frenzied dance amongst the shrubbery.

For the first time this entire mission, Lightning started whole-heartedly laughing.  I knew she would, dancing made her elated in a way nothing else could.  If it meant seeing her this happy, I was willing to be flung dangerously around.  I had only learned this about her four months ago. 

Father and I’d been supposed to attend a formal holiday event for his work.  There would be a multi-course dinner, followed by a dance.  Each year, just the two of us had attended.  We’d always had plenty of fun, so I’d been a little confused as to why he’d wanted me to bring Lightning.

 “Why don’t you invite Ms. Farron?” my father had asked, looking over the rims of his glasses.

“I don’t think she’d be interested in going with me,” I’d stared at the invitation on the table.

 “I imagine she wouldn’t say no to a free meal.  If you don’t ask her, I will.”

I’d been thumbing the embossed print, when I’d dropped the card to the floor.  He couldn’t have just asked her to something like this.  Hadn’t he known what his colleagues would have thought?  I hadn’t wanted all sorts of rumors to start about my father the skirt chaser.  Because knowing her, she’d accept out of respect for him.

“Dad, you can’t do that.  That would basically be asking her out on a date,” I’d said, frowning at him.

“Now I would never suggest my teenage son ask a grown woman on a date.  However, you two need to sort out this quarrel you’re in the midst of.  I don’t know what happened, but you’ve been acting strangely.  Almost strangled.  So if this helps, then invite her.”

It had been wintertime.  A concept I hadn’t been fully aware of on Cocoon.  I’d seen a simulated set of seasons in a museum once.  The purpose had been to prove why our little planet had been a haven; humans couldn’t thrive in such unpredictable environments.  Of course, experiencing a shifting year-long weather pattern in less than five minutes would terrify anyone.

Yet, winter in the Capital had been surprisingly beautiful.  The location had a full set of seasons, unlike the colonies built within the valleys near Oerba.  Snow had its own appeal; it had sparkled in the sunlight in a way that Bhodum’s sands never could.  If the daylight had been beautiful, the nighttime had been elegant.  The low clouds of snowfall would take on the yellow hue of the streetlights, causing the sky to glow.

On clear nights when the moon was full, the entire ground would be lit a delicate blue.  The world felt eerily safe during winter.  So, it had been with this unwarranted sense of calm that I’d agreed to invite Lightning.

Even though it had been just a friendly, family thing, it had taken me over a week to make the call to ask her.  Of course she’d accepted immediately.  I’d tried to make the event seem as unappealing as possible, boring politicians, stuffy CEOs, their children, and uncomfortable formal wear.  She’d claimed to have vacation time; she’d make a weekend of it with her sister. Serah had wanted to go shopping in the city.  Lightning would meet us on the evening of the party.

I’d never been more worked up for something so senseless.  I’d used a great portion of the savings from my part-time job to buy a new suit and have it tailored.  It hadn’t been like I’d grown any, I could’ve just used the same one from last year.  My father had taken the easy route and rented one.  He’d laughed as I’d spent the better part of the afternoon running between the bathroom and bedroom.  Each time I’d thought I’d conquered my hair; I’d panicked and washed the gel out.  As nightfall approached, he had come to my room and easily tamed the monster on the top of my head.  He’d made it rise in a gentle side swept swoop; I’d felt like a damn rock star.  So when the doorbell had rung, I’d thrown the door open expecting to impress our guest.

Only, the most handsome person had not been me.  Lightning had dressed in a perfectly tailored plum colored suit.  It’d had a coordinating silk tie, and an impossibly white shirt.  Intricate silver cufflinks and a tie pin matched the buttons.  Her hair, usually loose about her shoulder, had been combed into some fancy ponytail-thing.  All of her bangs and stray hairs had been pinned back.  Her entire face had been exposed, revealing just how delicate her features were.  I hadn’t known what I’d expected from her, she’d always been masculine.  Even in a suit, she’d been the most beautiful woman I’d ever met.  Though, knowing that she’d specifically chosen something other than a gown had left me deflated.  If anything had said “this is _not_ a date” it’d been her out dressing me.

“You are a vision as always,” my father had said over my shoulder.

“The both of you are especially dapper tonight.  Thank you for inviting me.”

Oh gods.  How long had I stared at her without saying anything.  I’d jumped down the steps three at a time to race to the door.  He’d most likely walked leisurely to give us time.

“You’re in pants.”  Maybe I should have stuck with the silence.

“As are you, Hope.”  She’d given me a wry smile.  “Shall we head out? I told the taxi to wait.”

My father had left to put away the overnight bag she’d brought and had locked up the house.  I’d decided that I should get my head out of my ass.  The whole reason I’d invited her had been to repair our _friendship_.  I’d held out my arm to walk her to the vehicle.  For some reason, she’d hooked her arm through it.  As we’d walked down the path, frost and salt crunching beneath us, I’d noticed something different.  She hadn’t been the giantess I’d been used to.  I’d been wearing dress shoes, which always had a small heel, but she’d been wearing flats.  She’d been right, even if I were still short then; I’d been gaining on her.  One day I’d be as tall as my father, and she would still be the same height as always.

“Sorry about the pants thing.  You look kind of…”  I’d been fiercely blushing.  “I guess the night isn’t going how I planned it.”

She’d cocked her head, and then had let go of me to slide into the backseat.  I’d followed her and had waited for my father to join us.

“How did you plan it then?” She’d elbowed me in the ribs.

I’d refused to answer her question.  Thankfully she’d let it slide.  By the time we’d reached the venue, the stifling atmosphere had vanished.  My father had made sure to make her comfortable, making up for my sorely lacking conversational skills.  When we’d eaten dinner, she’d easily made herself the center of attention.  Everyone at our table couldn’t get enough of her.  They’d loved her stark sense of humor, and the stories she’d tell.  Even though she’d had plenty of opportunity to, she’d never embarrassed me.  She’d refused to say anything about me when my father’s friends would ask.

As the night had begun to shift to dancing, several men and women had come to ask her.  She’d politely declined them, claiming to be terrible at it.  I’d known this had been a lie, the way I’d seen her move in battle proved otherwise.  No one who had moved like that could be a terrible dancer.  I’d taken a sip of my drink and had glanced at her.  She’d smiled at me and stood up.

“You ready?  Come dance with me, Hope.” She’d extended her arm for me to take.

The second I’d taken her hand she’d dragged me to the dance floor. I’d taken classes my entire life at my mother’s insistence.  Any and all previous experience hadn’t prepared me for Lightning, because she’d taken the lead.  I’d initially almost tripped both of us, trying to find my footing.  Once I’d figured out what the hell I’d been doing, she’d swung me all over the dance floor.  Once we’d started having a good time, I couldn’t stop laughing.  She’d just grinned and ramped things up, gliding us between other couples.  Sometimes she’d even gone as far as to dip or lift me.  I should have been humiliated, but I’d never had so much fun.  We hadn’t played around like this in what had felt like forever.  Everyone else had tried to match our frantic dancing; the band had had to change tempo and style.

Once everyone clearly had reached a point of exhaustion, the band had returned to playing something subdued.  Things had been made worse when someone from our table had come up and had asked to cut in, her lie now exposed.  She’d proceeded to dance with a variety of immaculately up kept men and women.  I‘d slouched back into my seat, trying not to drown in frustration.  I’d ripped off my tie, feeling stifled.

At one point I’d seen my father dance with her.  She’d looked happy, having a reprieve from the strangers hitting on her.  I’d seen him mouth something that made her grin widely.  At that moment, she’d tried to sneak a peek at me.  When she’d realized that I’d been watching, her smile had vanished.  I’d wished I could tell what my father had said, but as he’d spoken again she’d turned away.  Out of my own fantasy, I’d almost sworn that she’d been embarrassed.  Finally, my father had let her go and walked over to me.

“Are you really going to leave her out there like that?”  My father had squeezed my shoulder.  “She keeps turning people down, but they’re being a little relentless.”

“You don’t know her like I do.  If they truly bothered her, she’d just punch them.  Or worse.”  I’d tried to shove his hand away.

“Son, she’s not going to get into fisticuffs here.  Especially if it would cost me my job.  But mostly, she would never do something that would reflect poorly on you.”

This had been when I’d chosen to change things.  I’d stridden over and stripped her from the arms of some six-foot, glamorous millionaire.  I’d taken the lead, and I’d felt her shudder when my hand had touched her back.  Slowly trailing us across the dance floor, I’d made sure that our bodies would draw closer.

“Thanks for accompanying me tonight.  Sorry I kind of left you to the beasts,” I’d said, looking up at her.

“The pleasure is all mine, Young Master Estheim.  Things weren’t so bad.  I was offered things like free legal and financial advice.” She had lifted one corner of her mouth wryly.

“I didn’t know these things could be this much fun.  Though, how come I didn’t see you like this at Serah’s wedding?”

“Well,” she’d said with a pensive expression, “I don’t know.  Perhaps it had been general unease about giving Serah over to Snow.  Or maybe, to a lesser extent, I didn’t have a partner I could let loose with.”

“Light, I was there.” I’d drawn her in, tightening our form.

“You know that it’s not the same.  Not the way you are now.”

There had been layers upon layers of dense fabric separating us.  The wool of my suit had been enough to temper it, but I had wondered if she could feel my heart.  The ever increasing pace had thrummed into my ears, and my hands had begun to sweat.  Not even taking on a fal’Cie had made me this nervous.  That could end in death, but this might only end humiliation that I would have to endure forever.

 “I’ve been trying to say it all night, but keep botching it.”  I’d squeezed her hand in mine.  “I’m sure you already know, but you look breathtaking.”

She hadn’t responded to me.  I hadn’t really thought she would.  Tonight had been about us no longer being awkward with each other.  She had done her best to repair it, and then I’d gone and obliterated any goodwill.  So we’d silently glided around the dance floor until the night came to an end.

When we’d gotten home, my father had immediately gone to sleep.  Lightning had suggested we watch a movie after we’d showered.  It had felt like the old times, where we’d just pointlessly hung out.  I’d washed up first and then prepared snacks.  Chips, popcorn, and candy had seemed worlds away from the rich meal we’d consumed hours before.  She’d come downstairs in the baggy shirt and shorts she’d normally worn to bed.  We’d been sitting upright on the couch, when she’d leaned into me.  Then I’d kind of flopped over with my head on the armrest.  So we’d passed the hours like this, until she’d fallen asleep.  I hadn’t lasted much longer.

Waking up, I’d felt incredibly comfortable.  The TV had been turned off, bits of trash cleaned up, and we’d been covered in one of the spare comforters from the linen closet.  Somehow we’d repositioned ourselves in sleep.  I’d wedged her between me and the backrest, clutching her so neither of us would roll off.  She’d been so warm, peaceful, and present; I couldn’t help but run my finger along the length of her nose and down her lips.  I’d said her name quietly trying to wake her up.

“Morning,” she’d mumbled, and then she’d flexed her muscles.  “When did you get us a blanket?”

“Uhm. I think my dad might have done that.  Sorry.”

For the first time in my memory, I’d seen her blush.  Pink had spread across her groggy and flustered expression.  She’d sat up, trying to look around the room.  Only then, had it occurred to her that she’d been straddling my lap. I’d had zero control of what happened in my sleep.  For someone usually detached, she’d started at the sight of my morning wood.  She’d shot up, the blanket dangling from her shoulders like a cape.  She’d ripped it off and had thrown it on me, tucking it over my face and holding it in place.  Once it had been clear that I wouldn’t resist, she’d bolted.

I’d lain there like a felled adamantortoise until I’d heard the upstairs shower engage.  We’d both known nothing would happen; there’d been no reason for her to react like that.  I’d cleaned up the rest of our mess and had gotten dressed for the day.  By the time I’d returned to the living room, Lightning had been waiting with her bag.  She’d already called a taxi, stating that she couldn’t be late for the train home.  My father had tried to convince her to at least stay for breakfast, but the next departure wouldn’t be until the evening.  Another snowfall had been due and she couldn’t risk a delay.

Finally the taxi had arrived and begun honking its horn.  I’d walked her duffle down and the driver had helped me chuck it into the trunk.  When I’d reached the stoop, she’d been saying her goodbyes to my father.  This had included a hug, when she’d been prone to firm handshakes with men other than Snow and me.  I’d found this oddly satisfying, as if he’d become a part of her family.

“Crap, I forgot my communicator on the sink,” she’d said, trying to rush back into the house.

I’d tapped my hand to her hip. “I’ll go get it.”

By the time I’d returned, my father had already gone back inside the house.  Lighting had been waiting for me at the bottom of the stoop with her hand outstretched.  I’d paused on the last step and had passed her device to her.  We’d been at eye level, and something about it had made her uncomfortable.  She’d kept glancing at the ground.  Her breath had swirled upward in tiny clouds, barely dissipating before being replaced.

“I should probably get a move on.  Thanks for inviting me,” she’d said.

“It gets kind of boring with just me and Dad.  I love having you around.”

I’d given her a quick but strong hug.  Finally, she’d looked up, and we’d made proper eye contact.  Then she’d stopped playing by the rules.   

“So.  This is goodbye for now,” she’d said before giving me a peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.  I’ll be staying downtown, but I’ll make sure to drop in.”

My entire face had begun heating up; it’d been my turn to blush that morning.

“You kiss all of your friends goodbye like that?” I’d asked, not willing to let this go.

“It was nothing, Hope.  Just forget it.”

This time, I’d been the one to kiss her.  No hesitation.  I had let it linger more than polite society would have called a peck.  Actually, no one would have ever called what our mouths had done a peck.  Every portion of my body had felt like the tingles of a limb that had fallen asleep.  Except that the feeling had been pure excitement instead of pain.   Just as her fingertips had slid up my bicep, I’d found myself reaching for her waist.  By the time her fingers had gripped at my bandana to pull me as close as possible, the taxi driver had resumed his incessant honking.   I’d forced myself to disengage.

“That was just between friends?” I’d said while opening my eyes to see hers still closed.

“Absolutely.  Completely platonic.”  Why had she been agreeing with me?

Letting go of me, she’d stepped back.  She’d run her hand through her hair, mussing the top.  Her bangs had stood on end, so I’d reached to finger them back in place.  She’d taken in a deep breath and let it slowly escape her lips.

“Like I said, forget it.  I really do need to head out,” she’d said before darting away.

I’d rocked on my heels until the vehicle had pulled completely out of view.  I’d been even more confused than ever.  Why had she kissed me?  She’d made herself perfectly clear a few months ago that nothing would happen between us again.  Maybe the implication had been that the timing had been off.  _That_ had been the wrong time, but we were approaching the _right_ one?  I’d needed to stop getting my hopes up.

“Completely platonic?”

I’d turned around to see my father leaning against the door frame.

“Yes?”  I couldn’t even convince myself with that one, much less anyone else.

I’d tried to nudge my way past him.

“Son, you need to remember she is an adult.  The two of you are going to have different expectations.”  He had patted me on the back.

“Believe me.  I know that I don’t have a chance in hell.”

I wished that I hadn’t, but I had stomped my way up the stairs and slammed the door.  Solidly proving my father’s point.

Just like everything else, she’d never mentioned that weekend after it had passed.  Nor was the action repeated.  Only this hadn’t been like her birthday, where things had been unexpected.  Everything about this had been planned.  I’d asked her out, she’d accepted.  We’d kissed goodbye.  But she’d pretended, as always, that there was nothing between us. 

So I had stopped trying. “He Quit” would inevitably be my epitaph.  Though Snow should be grateful, he had my lack of dedication to thank for his life.  So why had I started again?  What had made me think that I still had chance, no matter how slim?

Today I wouldn’t worry about any of that.  I would just make her happy, promising to myself never to be as hurtful as I had.  Wrapping myself up in my feelings for her had only ever gotten us in trouble.  So we kept dancing until Snow cut in on the communicator.

“I can hear you giggling like school girls and all, but the techs here don’t think your battery can keep holding at full strength.  If an emergency arises we’ll need to get ahold of you.  So we’re gonna have to end your little date.”

Lightning threw her arms up in the air, letting me go without warning.  Loaded with momentum, I tripped and landed on my ass.  Vanille, whom we’d completely forgotten about, burst into a fit of laughter.  She’d been busy trying to spin wool with a drop spindle she’d fashioned.

“Not a date, Snow,” Lightning shouted in my direction.

“Sure.  Whatever you say, Sis.  Anyway.  Goodnight.  We’ll check in with you if we get any news,” Snow said.

The communicator made a distinctive click as the line shut off.  I lowered the volume and went to investigate Vanille’s project.  She’d always loved sheep, but I didn’t realize she actually had a practical use for them.  Her skirt had been fur, not woven fabric.  Lightning came and sat next to me.  She rested her head on my shoulder as we watched Vanille create yarn.

“So I take it you two are over your crap?” Vanille said.

“Not entirely,” Lightning said with a sigh.

I turned to look at her, kind of forgetting that her face was so close to mine.  At this distant, I could tell she had a very faint blush.

“There are definitely some things that I don’t think either of us is ready to deal with yet.  That a fair assessment?”  She tapped her fingers to my knee.

“Sure.  For now,” I said.


	12. Business Arrangement

**Chapter 12: Business Arrangement**

It’d only been a matter of days, but for some reason I felt homesick.  Before the Purge, my father and I’d been as far apart as two men who lived in the same house could be.  But now, besides Lightning, he was the closest person to me in my life.  Even if Rygdea was keeping him in the loop, I’m sure he was worried sick.  He’d trusted Lightning to watch over me, and instead I’d put the both of us in the danger.

“What’s making you such a downer today?” Vanille said, shearing a sheep with a knife she’d stolen from a tonberry.

“Does it make me a wuss to say I kinda miss my dad?”  I held the wriggling fluffy creature as it baaed.

“Of course not, and you’ll see him again soon.  There’s no need to make a fuss.”

I let go of the sheep in favor of grabbing a more docile one.  The fur wasn’t nearly as plush, but it didn’t fight against me and Vanille.  Scratchy wool was better than being kicked in the balls.

“It’s not just that.  Pretty soon I’ll move out.  I’ll probably stay as long as I finish up school, but there will be no reason for me to stick around once I start my career.  Plus, what if I get married before then?”  I tried to hide my blush by burying my face in the sheep’s coat.

“I’m not following you, Hope.  Why can’t you just stay?” she said, hacking away tufts and shoving them into her bag.  “I already mentioned when we were in Oerba, life on Pulse was never like that.  We shared our homes with everyone.  Though it’s not as simple as that.  I am from the Dia clan and Fang is from the Yun clan.  If we were to get married, I would join the Yuns.  We each have specific territories in our villages.  So I would move into the homes that her clan up kept.  No one would be averse to others staying there, just that general maintenance fell on a specific family.

“Also, it was our job to take care of our elders.  So I’m completely in the dark about why you would need to leave your father.  Why can’t your bride just join you?  Though, if you truly were like the Oerbans, traditionally the husband joins the wife’s family.  So you’d be moving in with Lightning.”

“I never said anything about marrying _her_ ,” I plucked a clump of dirt from the wool and flicked it at Vanille.  “But if the husband moves in with the wife, how do you figure you’d join Fang’s family.  Isn’t she more…masculine than you?”

“Accommodations can always be made for certain circumstances.  I was an orphan, Fang was not.  While I loved my clan, it would have made sense for me to assimilate into her family.  It’s something we’d discussed.  She hadn’t proposed, but I think she was working up to it.  None of that’s relevant now.  We are the only survivors from either of our clans.”  She spun her knife in her hand.  “Point is, why can’t she just live with you?”

I mulled over the thought.  It wasn’t nearly as unfeasible an idea as I’d pictured.  As far as my father was concerned, the woman lived with us already.  The spare room was her room.  When the housekeeping service would come to clean, he was always quick to remind them to change the sheets in “Ms. Farron’s room” in case she dropped in.  My father adored her, and always made space for her in his life.  Even on busy work weeks, he would always clear his evening schedule to spend time with us.  As she visited frequently, this must have been quite the chore for him.

The stench of blood caught my attention.  I turned around to see the woman herself walking the chocobo over to us.  The bird had a canine carcass draped over its back.  Surprisingly, her uniform was spotless.

“This guy tried to pick a fight with our feathered beauty here.” Lightning stroked the birds chin. “Bet you can tell who won.  Anyway, I have no idea how to butcher this thing, or if he’s even edible.”

Vanille glanced up from her task with the sheep.  She didn’t even walk over to Lightning.

“Not edible.  That slightly sweet smell underlying the metallic one, it’s the poison infecting his organs.  Something must have bit him days ago.  Probably why the Chocobo put him out of his misery.  Go deposit the body as far as possible so it doesn’t attract any bigger monsters.”  Vanille gestured off into the distance.

Lightning looked at the carcass slightly sadly.  It seemed a waste to just abandon the dead thing.  Not that we hadn’t done plenty of that when we were on the run from persecution.  Something somewhere would eat the body eventually.

“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked.

“It doesn’t take two people to walk a bird.”

“It’ll get dark soon.  I’d feel better if I came with you.”

“Since when were you scared of the dark?”

“I was talking about _your_ safety.”  I grunted unhappily.  “I don’t want you wandering the dark like a bloody beacon.”

Vanille headed back to camp, and I walked silently next to Lightning.  We walked until sunset, which came early in the ravine.  We finally found access to a lower level.  We dropped the body and watched as it tumbled into the crevasse and fell out of sight.

When I helped Lightning up onto the bird, she didn’t complain this time.  She simply climbed on the chocobo and held out her hand to pull me up too.  My hands slipped around her waist, but she didn’t struggle.  She didn’t give the bird directions, letting us sit there for a moment in the darkness.

“Vanille and I were talking about marriage before you showed up.”

“Am I supposed to congratulate you two?  You already know how I feel about teenage proposals, you saw me with Snow.  And technically both he and Serah were legally adults.”

“In Oerba, you move in with your spouse’s family.”  I rested my forehead to her back and tightened my hold.  “If you ever get married, where do you plan on living?  Do you want to be like Serah and have a new home?  Do you want your husband to move into your current house? Or…” the words caught in my mouth, because I knew I wasn’t ready for them.

“Or?”

“Or do you want to move in with your husband and his father? I mean family.  Do you want to move in with your husband and his family?  He might have a mother, and siblings.”

She pulled on the chocobo’s feathers so she could steer us back to camp.

“I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon.  But I’m sure that when the time comes, I’ll discuss it with them.  I think I’d enjoy not living alone anymore.  This stays between you and me, but I wish Serah and Snow hadn’t built their own house.  I was expecting the three of us to live together.  Never tell Snow; I’ll never live it down,” she said, pinching my forearm.

“My job is important to me, and I’m stationed in New Bhodum.  I do currently work in the city often, but that might not always be the case.  I wouldn’t want to uproot my husband’s family, especially if his father had a career he loved.  Still, obviously I’d want my husband to travel with me.”  She huffed.  “I’m definitely the more demanding one.  There’s always a possibility my future husband won’t want to move.  What if he gets a job that requires him to stay where he currently lives?  What’s gotten into to you today, Hope?  You’re not usually one for ‘what if’ scenarios.”

“’What ifs’ are harmless.  No one ever gets hurt by them.”  I leaned back as the chocobo began to run.  “But I doubt there’s a man in the world that wouldn’t drop everything to be with you, no matter where you went.”

“You act like there’s an army of men at my doorstep begging to marry me.  For future reference, I plan on proposing.”

“Isn’t that a little backwards?”

“Absolutely not.  You just lauded matriarchal practices, yet you can’t picture a woman proposing?  If my husband plans on spending his life with me, he needs to get off his high horse about formalities.  I will do it on my own terms, and when I feel the timing is right for both of us.”

The glow from the camp was coming into view.  What was an hour walk, was only minutes on the back of our chocobo.  Pretty soon we’d be back with Vanille, and Lightning would shut down again.

“How long are you going to make him wait? A year, two, a decade?”

Our age difference kept eating away at me.  In a decade, I would still only be in my twenties.  She would not.  She had mocked me about considering marriage as a teenager, but I had been honestly mulling it over.  She could claim to not care about formalities and heteronormative traditions, but to some degree they bothered her.  If they hadn’t, she wouldn’t be so cagey about her feelings toward me.  The way Rygdea had referred to me as a “boy toy” had made me sick to my stomach.  If she insisted on keeping me at arm’s length, that was all I’d ever be in most people’s view.

“As long as necessary.  I need to be sure he’s ready.  Marriage is permanent.  Romance isn’t always the best indicator about a lifelong compatibility.”

“You act like it’s a business deal.  ‘Here Sir, I’ve brought nine sheep, three chocobos, and seven gremlin pelts in exchange for your virile son.’”

“At least four chocobos,” she said, reaching back to pat my thigh.  “And it better not take a decade.  I’ll be 34 by then.”

 “So you already have a suitor in mind?” I laughed.  “I hope you know his father drives a hard bargain, he only has the one son.  He might ask for five.”

“Like he could fit even one in his yard.  The man lives in the most urban area in all of Pulse.  I’ll have to limit myself to the gremlin pelts.”  She snorted.  “Maybe I’ll bring him several.  An imp, rangda, and adroa pelt for color variety.  His son is short enough to wear them as ponchos.”

“You want your husband dressed as a gremlin?” I asked bitterly.

“My husband _is_ a gremlin.  Tiny, adorable, and lethal.”

“How hard would it be for you tell him that outright?  With no pretense and nothing to hide behind.”  Her body became rigid within my hold.

She halted the chocobo just out of Vanille’s earshot.  Lightning broke free of my grasp and slid off the side of the bird.  She extended both her arms up to me.  Testing boundaries as always, I kind of leapt off and into her arms.  Of course she caught me in her steadied stance, dangling me in a hold a few inches above the ground.  I hooked my arms over her shoulders and wrapped my legs around her.  No longer having to do all the work, she held me in place.  We looked at each other, but neither of us said anything about my ridiculous decision to cling on to her.  One day I’d stop being smaller than her, so I might as well take advantage while I could.

“Hope,” she said, our noses touching.

She was waiting for me to respond to her.  I would neither answer nor let go.  If she thought I was a gremlin, I’d be one.  Using the same half-assed magic I’d figured out in Serah’s kitchen, I warmed every inch of my skin.  Slowly, Lightning began to sweat from the combination of the heat and my weight.

“Is there a reason you’re trying to boil me alive?”

“If I’m not mistaken, gremlins rely on fire magic.  I’m trying to smoke out your feelings.”

“Gods.  You truly are a gremlin.  You’re tiny, and still you’re managing to kill my back.”

“What happened to adorable?” I said, letting go of her and dropping to the ground.

“Did I say adorable?  I meant annoying.” She tied the chocobo up for the night.


	13. Similar Gifts

**Chapter 13: Similar Gifts**

We’d given up on resting.  It didn’t look like we’d get out of the wilderness any day soon, so we spent the night talking.  Vanille told us of more Oerban traditions we’d never heard of.  Which, of course, I hadn’t paid any attention to since I was so hung up on the marriage ones.

“Do you guys celebrate birthdays?” I suddenly asked.  “Or do you have a specific coming of age ceremony?”

Lightning looked at me like I were an idiot.  I’d thought my question was relevant, she hadn’t.  Vanille had been in the middle of relaying her first hunting trip.  She’d made it sound like the first hunt had cultural significance, and was not only memorable because she’d broken her wrist.

“Hmm.  We don’t have any particularly big celebrations for our birthdays.  But family members do exchange small gifts.  As for coming of age?”  Vanille winked at me.  “No particular age stands out as adulthood.  You have to be able to show your lover you can support them by bringing them as large a kill as you can manage single handed.”

“Is your birthday coming up anytime soon?  Since Lightning and I now qualify as your family, what would you like us to get you?”

“Who said anything about a joint gift?” Lightning said.

Vanille looked upward, trying to bring what little of the constellations were visible from our location into focus.  She’d open one eye, then the other, holding up her hand trying to map the sky.

“It’s not the right season.  My birthday isn’t for many months.   But it will be a joint gift, and you’re going to give it to me early.  Because the only thing I want this year is Fang.”  Vanille sighed and began to fidget with her hair.

“Well that’s one thing out of the way.  So what do you want to do for your birthday this year, Light?  Now that the whole gang will be around,” I said, tapping my shoulder to hers.

“This your way of telling me you’re actually going to start visiting New Bhodum now?” she said.

“Does he not?” Vanille questioned while detangling her curls with her fingers.

“Nope.  This guy hates parties.  So I’m the one who travels out to see him on both of our birthdays.”

“It’s not that I hate parties.  There’s no fun in babysitting Dajh while I watch you and everyone get wasted.  I want to spend your birthday with _you_.  Plus, you usually have work in the city anyway.  It would be pointless for both of us to travel back for a day.”

“That sounds mighty selfish of you, Hope.”  Vanille winked at me again.  “So then how do you usually spend them?”

“It’s been the same for the past three years.  I commute into the city and have meetings the day before.  Then I go to his house.  By the time I’ve arrived, Hope and his father have cooked me dinner.”  Lightning rubbed her head against mine. “It’s not even my birthday yet, but they’re already pampering me.  Then Hope and I watch a movie until it gets late.  Once it’s finishes, then it’s bed time.  Only not really.  At midnight Hope barges in, turns on all the lights, and shouts ‘Happy Birthday!’ at me.  We talk for several hours before we end up passing out.”

“Wait.  You sleep together?”  Vanille’s face turned red.

“You sound just like his father.  I had the most embarrassing conversation the first time.  He had gone to ask Hope where we should eat breakfast.  Of course he wasn’t in his room.  So his father had decided to ask me himself what I would like.  Let me set the scene a little bit.  I was wearing a raggedy oversized t-shirt and no shorts.  I hadn’t expected _anyone_ to see me sleeping, so those were the pajamas I’d packed.  Hope never wears pajamas and spends most of his time walking around the house only wearing boxers.  So when I crack open the door, there I am in only a shirt and Hope’s half-covered in a sheet looking _very_ naked. And then he has the nerve to mumble something ridiculous like ‘I’m cold, come warm me up.’”

Vanille erupted in the most effervescent giggles.  I threw my head into my hands to cover my redness.  I hadn’t known about any of this.  Neither of them had told me.  I wanted to kick my fifteen year-old self.

“The second you see me falling, you can always wake me up and boot me out,” I mumbled into my palms.

“His father went full Protective Papa.  It was really admirable.  All for the better anyway.  We ended up having a long discussion.  The only father-like figures I’d had in my life for years were the Lt. Amodar and Sahz.  Now I’m super close with Mr. Estheim, and it’s refreshing to get his view on things.”

“I didn’t know you felt like that about him.”  I glanced at her, and she grinned back.

“I am a woman of many secrets.  But back to my birthday.  So Hope finally wakes up, and then we head out to this fancy bistro.”

“Of course she orders steak and eggs.  For as much steak as this woman eats I’m surprised she doesn’t have behemoth fangs instead of teeth.”

“Once I’m done being a carnivore,” she said, glaring at me. “We head downtown.  His father has a sudden ‘work emergency’ and leaves us to spend the day walking around.  I don’t know what we do during those hours or how we don’t run out of things to talk about.  But it’s always fun.  Then we get a call saying that we should head home because dinner’s ready.  So we catch a ride.”

“Then more steak.  This, by the way, leaves me super bloated.”  As I said this, she snapped her teeth at me.

“After dinner, though I insist otherwise, they make me open presents.  You two are too good to me.  It would be enough to just see you.” 

She ruffled my hair.  When our eyes met, something shifted in her expression.  The corners of her mouth snapped from a smile back into something pensive.  She ran her fingers down the back of my neck, and then placed them back in her lap.

“What sort of things do they give you?” Vanille said, propping her chin on her hands.

“His father gives me practical items, and Hope gives me jewelry.  For my twenty-third he gave me a new belly-button ring.  Which was oddly specific, but I appreciate it.”   She lifted an eyebrow as she looked at me.  “This year he gave me earrings.”

“That’s so romantic,” Vanille said wistfully.

“Not really.  My dad says that women like jewelry.  I wouldn’t know the first thing about what to get her otherwise.  What does someone give the woman who hates everything?”

“Then the day winds down.  We leaf through a book together, and when it’s midnight Hope goes back to his bedroom and things are over.  Rinse and repeat the next year.”

Eight months ago, we’d shared her birthday slightly differently.  We’d been watching a movie when Lightning had got up.  She’d returned in her pajamas. They had been new and out of slippery fabric.  I’d felt an unexpected rush as she’d sat next to me on the couch.  The night had become chilly, so she’d tucked her legs into her chest.  I’d stretched my arm behind her and gripped at her far shoulder.  Pulling her close to me, I’d placed a light blanket over the two of us.  The rest of the movie had played, but I hadn’t paid it any attention.

We’d walked up the stairs as midnight had approached, and she’d waited at the door to the guest room.  I’d paused by my door, but by the way she’d glanced at me I’d become certain she’d wanted me to join her.  So I’d followed her.  She’d silently slid beneath the covers and I’d stood like a statue by the bed.  When I’d grabbed at the duvet, she’d asked if I planned on sleeping in my clothes.  I’d pulled off my shirt.

“Maybe I should turn off the lights,” I’d said, as I’d started to unbutton my fly.

“It’s not like I haven’t seen you in your boxers before,” she’d said.

A phrase I would repeat months later, as an excuse for our closeness.

I’d flipped off the lights anyway and had finished pulling off my pants. The wind had blown in through the window, and goosebumps had sprouted across my skin.  I’d walked over to close it.  As I’d shoved it down, the lights from outside had played across her skin.  I’d been looking at her.  I’d been wearing briefs that night, physically more exposed than usual.  She’d been looking at me.  And a dangerous thought kept slipping between the cracks.  _Friends don’t do this._

“Happy Birthday, Light,” I’d whispered.

She’d averted her gaze as I’d crawled beneath the covers with her.  I’d lain against her.  Knowing that she’d seen my obvious reaction to her, I’d placed my hand on her hip.  Then I’d pulled her pelvis against mine, so that she could feel it for herself.  If she hadn’t wanted this, she wouldn’t have invited me in.  She’d gently run her fingertips up and down my arm.  Anywhere our bare skin had touched I’d felt that electrical charge from before.  A few of the sparks had been visible, casting shadows of proof that we’d connected.  I’d been certain then it had been something specific to us, as it had not dispersed across the bedding.

I’d waited for her to make the next move.  She hadn’t.  My urge to kiss her had been overwhelming.  As I’d brought my face close to hers, I’d frozen in place.  She’d looked like she’d wanted me just a badly, yet I’d still wanted reassurance.  I’d needed for _her_ to kiss _me._   So instead, I’d placed my kisses upon her neck.  It had developed into fervently sucking an unsightly hickey.  Even though I’d put my arm to sleep in the process, I’d kept ahold of her hip so I could keep her pressed into me.  I’d run my other hand beneath her top, but I hadn’t ventured further than her ribs.  She’d had one of her own hands in my hair, practically pulling it out; the other had been pinned between us.  The more heated we’d become, the stronger the sparks grew. 

I’d shifted until I’d been on top of her, propping myself up on my elbows.  I’d finally kissed her lips hesitantly, immediately pulling back.  I’d paused, just for a moment, to see if I’d been overstepping my bounds.  She’d reached for my neck and had dragged me into a kiss of her own.  Her whole body had given way to me, her legs sliding apart so they could wrap around my waist.  We’d settled into this new reality.  One where we’d kissed each other.  One where everything had been deliberate.  Gone had been the heat-of-the-moment groping.   Replaced by gentle grazes and curious strokes.  There had been no question.  I’d been falling for her.  In a deep, heavy, sticky, permanent way that I’d never felt for another person and wouldn’t again. 

I’d needed her to know.

“In one day,” I’d started saying, smoothing her hair from her eyes.

“I know, Hope.”  She’d tucked her head into my shoulder, trying to preemptively console me.

I’d propped myself up so I could resume eye contact. “It will also be three years since I met you.”

The thought had been weighing me down.  The worst day of my life had been a scale.  Balancing itself by bringing me the one person who could fulfill me.  But life wasn’t supposed to be fair.  That Lightning could actually want me as anything other than a friend or protégé, still had seemed impossible.  Even with her in my arms.

My breathing had begun to speed as my insecurities had gotten the better of me.  Lightning had slid her hands up my back and onto my neck.  She’d thumbed my ears and jaw until she’d regained my attention.  The worry on her face had compelled me to distract the both of us.

I’d begun hungrily kissing her, significantly more forcefully than I’d ever engaged anyone.  She’d accepted my enthusiasm, and had begun nipping at me.  Our desperation had quickly overtaken any common sense either of us might’ve had.  She’d let me yank off her pajama shorts until she was only wearing her top and panties.  Our bodies had undulated against one another, miming the inevitable.  When we’d sat up in an attempt to lift off her shirt, the movement caused one of the bedposts to clang against the wall.  Only then, did either of us realize that we might have been taking things too fast. 

We’d both frozen in place, and had listened for any signs that we’d been heard.  She’d kept staring at the door.  Her hands had fallen from my body, and she’d lain back on the mattress.  I’d decided I’d definitely needed to confess my feelings.  I’d blurted something from the tip of my tongue.

“I didn’t bring condoms.  They’re in my room.”

While true, it hadn’t been what I’d intended to say.  The second the words had escaped my mouth, I’d known it had been absolutely the wrong thing.  Once filled with desire, her expression had slowly morphed.  She’d looked hurt, her brows furrowing and her mouth forming a rigid line.  She’d rolled so her back was towards me.  I hadn’t known what I’d done wrong or how to fix it.  I hadn’t tried either.

“We should go to sleep,” I’d whispered, letting go of her.

The dynamic between us had shifted that night.  I’d been trying my best to bury it since.

We’d both pretended that nothing had changed once we had woken.  I’d been surprised to still find her in bed with me.  I’d snuggled into her, feeling the rise and fall of her breathing.  Feeling playful and trying to reclaim our old rapport, I’d snuck my hands into her armpits.  She’d awoken to my tickling.  We’d chased each other around the room.  Whenever I’d caught her, I’d thrown her on the bed and had tickled with reckless abandon.  She’d even hit me several times with a pillow to catch me off guard.  We’d just kept playing until we were out of breath with no clear winner.  We’d lied there, panting until we’d heard my father getting prepared for the day.

Tickling, Laughter, Hope, Ecstasy.

If spliced and rearranged I finally recognized it for what it was.

Me throwing her on the bed.  Her hands wandering my bare chest.  My fingertips slipping beneath the fabric of her clothing.  My face brushing hers.  My breath on her skin. Our limbs grazing one another.  Our bodies joining, again, and again. Pleasure. Desire.  Elation.  Exhaustion. 

These remodeled and amalgamated memories were the framework for her meteor shower.  She was picturing us having…

No wonder Snow had flipped out when he felt it.

I felt all the blood in my body rush in two opposite directions.  I didn’t matter if they saw me blush, what I needed was for them to ignore the chaos that overtook my pubic region.  I let out one nervous laugh.  Lightning turned to me.  I had been so lost in thought I hadn’t realized that she was mid-conversation with Vanille.

“You okay?” she asked, placing her hand on my thigh.

“Yeah.”  I brushed her hand away and crossed my legs. “It turns out I’ve been worrying for no reason.”

She looked at me curiously.  Her eyebrows furrowed but not out of anger.  She cocked her head, still not understanding what had gotten into me.  Even I could tell that I was giving her an awkward smile.  I couldn’t suppress it. 

She _had_ wanted me.

“Where did all this talk of birthdays come from anyway?” Vanille asked.

“He’s been checking his watch all night.  It’s probably after midnight.  If so, then it’s your birthday, Hope.”  Lightning said, smiling at me.

I nodded, unaware that I’d been watching the clock.  She, observant as ever, had been tracking all my cues.

“I’m sorry that I left your present back on the Lindblum.  I promise to give it to you then.  However, this week has been pretty crappy.  So if you want I can give you something right now, just like what you gave me for mine.”

My entire face turned red.  How could she make an offer like that in front of Vanille?  She freaked out when the girl saw us remotely touching.  Now she was offering to pick up where we left off.  I slipped my arm around her waist and leaned into her.

“As much as I want that, isn’t it a little...  I mean, we’re not exactly in private.  Like, I _really_ want it.  You have no idea,” I said with a slightly shaky voice.

She was fumbling with her ear.  “Huh?  Is piercing your ear really something you can’t do in front of her?”  She turned to Vanille.  “He gave me these without realizing I couldn’t wear them.  So I had Serah do it for me when I got home.”

Earrings?  This was about earrings.  Once again I had jumped to the wrong conclusion.  Of course.  I glanced at her, and the disappointment on my face clued her in.

“Oh gods.  Not _that_ , Hope.”  She dropped the metal jewelry into the dirt in front of her.

“Right.  Because you didn’t want what I offered then.  You couldn’t possibly still…”  My heart began racing, and I couldn’t even look at her anymore.  “I need to take a walk.”

I stood and then ran as fast as humanly possible.  It didn’t matter that I was no longer within the safety of my companions or the firelight.  The two of them called out after me, but I needed to be gone.  When it felt like my lungs were going to give out, I dodged into a bush.  I was hiding like the fraidy-cat that I used to be.  So much for a year older, I hadn’t even managed to become a day wiser.

Weak fire spells rolled past me, lighting up the path.  She had been looking for me in the dark.  I peeked out, making sure she didn’t overshoot and get lost.  I understood that revealing my location was the opposite of my original goal.  But I also didn’t want something to eat her.

“Don’t worry.  It’s only me, I told Vanille to stay behind,” Lightning said, squatting in front of my new hideout.  “I didn’t mean to embarrass you, especially on your birthday.  I just… didn’t think that you’d…you know.  Still want something like that from me.”

I stuck out an arm and grasped at her foot, yanking her into my bush.  Technically we weren’t actually in a bush, we were situated in the open space between several.  When I had pulled at her, she’d ended up supine with me crouched over her.  We didn’t exactly fit, so I sat up cross-legged and pulled her into my lap.

“I never stopped.”  I was still panting from exertion, she was fitter than me but breathing heavily anyway.  “It’s you that’s uninterested.  You play, you flirt, you touch,” one of my hands trailed from her waist up and down her back, “you kiss me.  But the second I let things become real… you want nothing to do with me.  So, I’ll stop expecting anything anymore.  You just caught me in a moment of weakness.  For now I’ll be happy with the earring.  It’s something that I can share with you.  A matching set, proof of our partnership.”

She ripped at my bandana.  I had tied it too tightly to slip off my head, so all she managed was to hook it on my nose.  This was painful, but nothing compared to what she did next.  She bit into the side of my neck, catching a nerve in the process.  I shouted from the blinding pain.

“Don’t heal that.  It took forever for that hickey to go away.”

When she pulled my bandana down, my eyes newly adjusted to the dark could finally tell she was blushing.  The thought occurred to me that I had overlooked plenty of times she might have.  I’d been so determined that she _wouldn’t_ that I hadn’t noticed that she _was_.  I clapped my palm over the area she had bitten.

“Don’t do that either.” As she said this, I felt my eyebrows rise questioningly.  “Obviously I don’t want anyone to know about it.”

“I guarantee you’re the only one who watches me that closely.  If you’re that worried, we better head back before Vanille thinks that jewelry isn’t the only things we’re sticking into each other,” I whispered into her ear.

“That sounded gross, not suave.” She rolled her neck, and then looked skyward making a point of ignoring me.

I lightly bit through her sweater.  The fabric tasted like a combination of sweat and smoke from the campfire.  It was disgusting and I tried to scrunch it out of the way with my chin.  I wanted the chance to taste her properly again.

“I could play off the bruise last time,” she said, barring my mouth from her neck with her hand.  “You leave teeth marks, and everyone will know exactly who they came from.”

I kissed the underside of her chin.  A small spark illuminated her skin.  I looked down at her legs bent over mine.  After slipping off one of my gloves, I dug my fingertips into her upper thigh.  As I dragged toward her knees, a halo of light outlined my hand.

“Does this happen with other people?”  I ran my index finger in a circle.

“No,” she said curtly.

“I touch you all the time, why doesn’t this happen more often?”  I noticed her clenching her jaw.  “Oh, so it does happen; I just haven’t seen it.  The ambient light must cover it up during the daytime.  Hmm, when did you see it that I missed it?”  I traced my name into her skin.

She’d completely turned away from me at this point.  She was focusing at the nothingness surrounding us.

“Well?”

“Keep pushing it, and I’ll bite you again.”  She gripped at my bandana.

“Like I wouldn’t enjoy that?”

The longer we sat in the dark, the better my vision adjusted.  She wasn’t quite glaring at me; her look had a layer just beneath her anger.  A very different type of frustration.  Her fingers uncurled from the fabric.

“When I was blindfolded,” I said quietly.

Swiping my hands off, she stood and leapt over the bush.  I awkwardly crawled underneath it.  She frantically brushed leaves from her uniform.  I started to pat dirt off her in penance.  She growled at me when she realized I’d focused all my attention on her ass.

“Give me a break, it’s my birthday.” I waved my hand in the air and started walking.

I’d made it official.  We weren’t going to pretend her birthday hadn’t happened anymore.  I liked her and she was just going to have to suck it up and deal.

We walked casually back to camp.  I’d run further than I thought; Lightning had to lead the way.  Every couple of minutes I would touch my hand to hers.  We’d hold hands, and then she’d remember she was supposed to be angry and would shake me off.  I had managed to time it.  The first hand-hold lasted 20 seconds.  Each time would grow by half a minute.  When I had passed the two minute mark, I stopped counting.  She wasn’t going to let me go.  She was absentmindedly rubbing her thumb against mine.

As we stepped through the dark, I studied everywhere our skin met.  Platonic touches resulted in nothing.  Our hands would remain as dark as ever.  My thoughts, however, had a significant effect.  The second I’d picture kissing her, our hands would blaze.  The most amusing part of my secret experiment was her participation.  I would clear my mind until our hands would dim.  Then I would quietly say her name.  The instant she heard it, our grasp would glow.  I should have expected this, based on her meteor shower.  Still, I enjoyed the validation.

“Do you need to take a piss or something?  You’ve said my name five times in a row,” she said.

“No,” I said, rubbing the lengths of our arms together.

“Even if you do; hold it.  We’re almost there.”

When we finally came back, Vanille was swaying slightly.  She was sleeping upright, falling over when Lightning called to her.

“I cleaned and burned it for good measure.”  Vanille dropped an earring into Lightning’s hand.  “I hope you don’t mind if I go to sleep.  You guys took forever to come back.”

With nothing else to add, she walked away and curled up next to our gear.  She was out before Lightning and I had sat down next to the dwindling fire.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want.  It was kind of a weird suggestion on my part.”

She spun the stud between her fingers.  The crystal at its center sparkled.  I had bought the pair because I thought it complemented her necklace.  It wasn’t flashy; she’d never have worn something like that.  Just small silver studs with crystals.  Despite her thinking otherwise, I had known her ears weren’t pierced.  I’d specifically asked the woman at the shop which would be a good pair for someone with a new piercing.  Thankfully she’d shown me these.  I’d been completely out of my element, considering I’d had my eye on some dangly pair.

“I already told you.  I want this,” I said, resting my head in her lap.

She gently rubbed my earlobe.  She pulled the flesh taut between her fingers, and shoved the post through.  Once she’d capped the back on, she started to apply healing magic.

“Stop.” I covered her hand.

I sat back up.  The woman didn’t exactly have the finesse to pinpoint where her magic flowed.  I could heal my ear, but leave my bite intact.

I tucked her hair behind her ear, revealing the matching stud.  “You should probably get some rest.  I’ll take this watch.”  I brought her face close to mine.  “Thank you for my birthday gifts.  Both of them.”  I pecked her on the cheek.

She didn’t make any indication of flight.  Her pulse thrummed into my fingertips.  I was giving her the option to end this, hoping she wouldn’t take it.  I decided I might as well take all my chances today.  The moment my lips grazed hers, a pop in the dwindling fire startled her.  She immediately jerked free of my hold.

“Good night, Hope,” she said as she left to sleep beside Vanille.


	14. Compliments, Not Comments

**Chapter 14: Compliments, Not Comments**

Later in the morning, Vanille had traded with me so I could finally get some sleep.  When I woke, I was unsurprised as usual to see Lightning had completely packed up camp.  She’d also prepared the chocobo to carry our gear.  How the hell did she have the skillset to do all of that in the few hours that I slept?

“Snow and Sahz are on their way.  Rygdea finally got the go ahead to send out a team to fetch us,” Lightning said, nuzzling her face into the bird.

“Why did they send Snow, shouldn’t they have sent out proper soldiers?” I asked.

“That was the deal.  As long as they weren’t making this a military operation, someone can come.  Word got out that Vanille was awake.  Apparently a ton of private scientists want first dibs on her.” She turned to face her.  “Sorry, we’ll make sure to protect you once we have you onboard the Lindblum.  You are the first crystal to awaken on record.  The public doesn’t know about us, and we’ve been working hard with the government to keep it that way.”

Vanille released a heavy sigh.  She wandered over and gave me a punch in the shoulder.

“If I’m to make my debut, guess we better get cleaned up then, huh?”  Vanille grabbed me by the hand.  “Alright, we’ll be back in a couple of minutes, Lightning.”

Once we reached a secluded area of stream, Vanille sprung her attack.

“So, how did things go last night?  Did you finally have that first magical kiss you always dreamed of?  Was she everything you ever wanted?” Vanille undid her hair ties and dunked her head in the stream.

“First kiss?  Come on Vanille, I’ve done more than that with girls I’ve had fewer feelings for.  I’m not a kid.”  I stripped to my bandana and boxers and lay in the shallow water.

“Keep telling yourself that.  I meant your first kiss with Lightning.  You made a move last night right?”

I scrubbed at my scalp, but I sputtered water at her question.  I was relieved that the stream was cool enough to dampen my blush before it took over my face.  If Lightning didn’t want anyone to know about the bite, then she definitely didn’t want Vanille to know that kissing had been the lesser of our transgressions.

Vanille was now shamelessly topless, splashing around in only her panties.  She laughed gleefully.

“Now I have to hear this.  Tell me all about it.”  Vanille lay at my side, her boobs thankfully covered by her hair.

“Tell her what?”

Vanille and I both sat up to see Lightning walking toward us.  She was unbuckling her uniform and discarding bits of it on her way over.  She placed it in a neatly folded pile.  By the time she reached the water’s edge, she was wearing only mismatched underwear.  Her bra was of the functional sports variety, with a fashion logo I didn’t recognize.  I didn’t get a good look at her panties because the second she noticed my eyes wander she ran and kicked water into my face.  They looked like whatever the female equivalent of a boxer brief was. The three of us sat in a weird little ring.

“I thought you were staying with the chocobo?” I hesitantly reached for her beneath the water.

“Is that all I am to you?  The Chocobo Wrangler?  If anything, it’s my duty to protect Vanille.  They’d have my ass if they found out I let the two of you run around together.”  She shook her head when she noticed that hair was the only thing maintaining the girl’s modesty.  “So, care to tell me what you were gossiping about?”

“Nothing,” I answered immediately.

Vanille started cupping water in her hands and dropping it on Lighting’s head.  For her part, the woman let her.  She was too busy staring me down.  With her hair wet enough, Vanille began detangling it with her fingers.

“That is not the face of ‘nothing’,” Lightning said, pinching one of my toes.

“This is just the face of someone you’re in a completely platonic relationship with.”  I gave her a smirk I must have learned from Snow through osmosis.

She threw Vanille’s arms off her.  The girl had managed to complete half a braid down the back of her head.  Lightning’s hair pulled out of her face was weirdly cute.  Not that I had ever put cute and her in the same sentence before.   She dragged me by the armpits out of the water.  Damn, she was strong as hell.  Once I scrambled to my feet, I followed her further down the bank, just out of Vanille’s line of vision.

“What do you want from me?” Lightning said, clenching her fists at her sides.

Swiping my hair out of my face, I took a deep breath.  I clutched at her waist.  Then I placed my other hand on the back of her neck, directing her gaze into my mine.  I needed her to see me.  I wouldn’t let her escape this time.

“I want you to _please_ stop giving me mixed signals.”  I tilted her head so I could whisper into her ear.  “But mostly, I’m waiting for you to kiss me.”

She lifted an eyebrow, and removed my hand from her back.  She brought it to her lips and licked my palm.  It felt incredibly weird, no wonder she had gotten angry when I had done it.

“Satisfied?” she said, letting go of me.

“Not even close,” I answered honestly.

“Too bad.  That’s all brats like you get.”  She frowned at me.  “We better make sure Vanille doesn’t slaughter all of the wildlife.”  She stalked back towards the girl.

After we’d finished bathing, we’d lazed around waiting for our clothes to dry.  We weren’t in any rush as Snow kept checking in with us.   Once they were close enough, we’d venture out onto the Steppe and greet them.  If we wandered out early, we’d run the risk of attracting larger monsters.

I’d almost fallen asleep from boredom, but Lightning made sure to poke me.  ‘We were not on a vacation, I couldn’t just nap away the day.’  I understood her point, but she was also letting me lay against her on the warm grass.  It was difficult to not be extremely relaxed and comfortable.

Vanille had had other plans for the morning.  She’d simply put on the rest of her clothes, and then slipped off her underwear.  She’d hung them to dry while she left to shear more sheep.  Majority of the chocobo’s inventory consisted of wool.  The rest was random weapon parts we’d scavenged over the week.  If she didn’t have the tendency to collect crap, we wouldn’t have needed the bird in the first place.

“Overall, I think this has been my best birthday so far.”

“It’s not like you’ve had all that many of them.”  Lightning swatted away my hand as I fiddled with her navel piercing.  “But what makes it particularly great?  We’re stuck in hell.  I’d forgotten how much I need indoor plumbing.”

“That’s simple, I get to spend it with you,” I said, touching the ring again.

“You’ve spent the past three with me.”  She blocked her bellybutton with her hand, denying me access.

I rolled onto my side, propping my head on my arm.  “This is the first time we get to spend it _together_ , Light.”  I grinned.  “Whether you admit to it or not.”

Grumbling, she sat up and glared down at me.  Her scowl softened as she bit at her lip.  She tentatively touched at my chest, running her finger along with no particular pattern.  Her eyebrows knit together, but it didn’t appear like she was going to share her thoughts.

“You going to laugh at my T-shirt shaped sunburn too?” I said.  “Just so you know, your back is equally pale.”

“No, that’s not it.” Her fingertips took direction now, tracing from my sternum to my abs.  “I’ve seen you shirtless plenty of times.  You’ve always been shameless.  But within the year, your build has been changing.”

“Of course it has.  I’m working out more.  Holy hell, was I ever embarrassed when I realized how muscular you were compared to me.  Like, I had a general idea, but when you let me touch you, damn, you’re rock solid, like that humbaba we once fought.”

“It’s comments like those, when I’m positive you forget I’m a woman.”

“Compliments, not comments,” I said, correcting her.

I sat up, and pulled her into my lap in the same way I had earlier in the morning.  We weren’t constrained by our environment, so my grip on her was looser.  This didn’t stop our position from being considerably more intimate; most of the places our bodies touched were bare skin.

“What happens when they come for us,” I asked.

“We already went over this.  We meet them in the clearing and…” she began to say.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.  What happens between you and me?”  I kissed from her shoulder to her jawline; she responded by looping her arms around neck.  “Right now you can barely handle Vanille seeing me touch you.  Are we just going to reset to the beginning again?  I know you actually enjoy me being forward when we’re out here, by ourselves.  But I can’t be aggressive like this all the time.  It’ll look like I’m pressuring you, the kid who can’t take a hint, or a stalker.  I mean, hell, Serah wouldn’t even let me stay with you for fear I might take advantage.”

“It’s not me she and Snow were worried about,” Lightning said quietly.  “No matter how much time passes, you will always be the youngest of us.  To them, you will always be a kid.  They were worried that I might hurt _you_.”

“That’s rich, coming from a man who married a teenager,” I scoffed, “I hope he knows that next time I visit New Bhodum, I’ll be staying at your house.”

“I won’t have cleaned out my spare room by then,” she said, twirling the hairs at the base of my skull with her fingers.

“Hmm, guess that leaves me no choice but to sleep with you,” I said, sneaking a peck to her lips, “but you still haven’t answered my question.”

 “Hope.”  She made a huffing sound and rolled her eyes.  “I don’t know.” 

She abandoned me to get fully dressed; once she was done she returned with my pile.  Then she proceeded to drop it on my head and leave.  Well, it was better than her having told me off.   I could deal with silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If we keep up with this release schedule, this story will be completed in a week’s time.  
> It’s kinda blowing my mind that something I’ve been putzing around with for the past 5 months is gonna be outta my hands.  
> And into yours.  
> Thanks for reading :)


	15. 'Not Flirting'

**Chapter 15: ‘Not Flirting’**

Vanille, Lightning and I were eating a bland lunch of jerky when Snow finally gave us the announcement we’d been waiting for.

“So you know how I said we’d be there in an hour?” Snow chirped through my watch.  “We’ll actually be there in ten minutes.  We managed to figure out what was going on with the nav system.  What a disaster that was,” Snow said.

“By find out, we mean we started kicking at it until the computer came back on.  When in doubt, use brute force,” Sazh interrupted.

“Now that we’re close, we’re receiving the signal from your comm device blinking on the screen.  So get your asses out to where we can see you.  From what we can tell via the cameras, there is a whole colony of behemoths resting on the plateau above you.  We need to make this as fast and stealthy as possible.”

 “This better be the real deal Snow,” Lightning growled into the receiver.

“You betcha, Sis.  See you in ten,” he said, cutting out.

With Lightning scrambling to pick up any straggling gear, I helped lift Vanille onto the chocobo.  I walked beside the bird, making sure it moved slowly so that Lightning could catch up with us.  As soon as she did, she called me a moron for not getting on with the other woman.

“Like I could ride with her and leave you on foot.”

“I’m a soldier; get your ass up there.”

She took Sazh’s brute force advice and leapt on top of me.  Once she’d pinned me to the ground, she scooped and shoved me at the bird.  I wriggled and kicked trying to break free, but Vanille hooked her hand into my jacket and dragged me up.  If Snow had been right about the behemoths, it wasn’t safe for Lightning to remain solitary on the ground.  However, even the strongest bird couldn’t support three riders.

As we exited the ravine, we saw Sazh’s craft drop into view.  Wow.  If they had spared all expenses on the ship that’d we’d fallen from, then what crap pile did they pull this out of?  It was covered with dents, wobbled slightly in flight, and we already knew the computing system was jacked.  Worst yet, it was loud.

Just as the craft touched down, we felt the ground rumble as the colony of behemoths jumped down the jutting rocks of the cliff edge behind us.  They growled as they closed in on us.

Lightning was an unapologetic asshole.  I loved that about her.  Except right then, when she smacked the chocobo on its haunches, hurtling it toward the airship and leaving her behind to fight off the monsters.

I tucked and rolled off my feathered ride.  It had been running faster than I’d thought, so I briefly bounced and tumbled out of control.  Once I stood, still dizzy, I ran trying to close the distance between Lightning and me.  She’d already staggered one behemoth, but another was ready to swipe her legs from beneath her.

When my spell hit him and crackled the area around her, she turned to notice me.  Her look was full of surprise, and her mouth was full of expletives.  I’d never heard half of the phrases she’d directed at me before.  If we weren’t about to be slaughtered, I would have been impressed.

She didn’t wait for me to reach her, choosing to meet me halfway.  She angrily clutched at my hand and started racing with me toward the ship.  Though most of the creatures had gotten bored of the game and climbed back onto the plateau, the behemoth king I’d blasted chased after us.  I launched spells, and Lightning shot her gunblade.

Snow had left the bay door open, and he and Vanille were trying to target long distance attacks.  They were attempting to stagger it, but this beast wasn’t taking no for an answer.  No matter how much Lightning dragged me, I couldn’t keep up.  The behemoth king even managed to catch the dangling straps of my pants in his teeth.  First my pack, now my pants; I really needed to rethink my fashion sense.  How the hell did I survive in this outfit the first go around?

 “Hurry up!” Snow shouted, extending his hands to us.

The behemoth king kept chasing us down despite Vanille’s onslaught of spells.  Lightning could have easily already been on board, but she’d insisted on pulling me.  If she’d just let go of my damn hand, I was sure I’d find another way.  She was completely focused on getting us to Snow that she didn’t notice my motion.  I dashed us to the side to gain momentum, and then spun her into my arms.  In her surprise, I unsnapped my glove and slid out of it.  Next I shoved her as hard as I could.

Still running, I blasted her with the strongest air spell I could manage.  It propelled her far enough for Snow to grab ahold of her.  I could faintly hear her screaming for me over the ambient roar.  I wasn’t fast or strong enough to keep up with the pace she’d set.  I could see Snow restricting Lightning with both his arms, planting his feet firmly down so she wouldn’t try to jump after me.  He was also yelling something behind him to Sazh.

Suddenly the ship shuttered chaotically into reverse, weaving side to side in the process.  Vanille, Lightning, and Snow all connected one hand with an article of my clothing and yanked me in.  The hatch closed and the beast clipped the side of the ship.  We all rocketed forward.  The wind whistled in damaged seals when the ship lifted vertically.  Finally safe, Snow and Vanille sat panting on the ground.

Lightning threw herself at me.  Was that her new pastime?

“Why did you let go of me?” She clutched at the sides of my face.  “You’re the one who keeps saying crap like ‘together.’ How could you do that to me again?”

I was expecting anger, but her expression was riddled with fear.  Her entire body was shaking.  She hugged me closely and pressed her face into my chest.  Defeated, I slunk down to the metallic flooring.  I ran my fingers through her hair, not caring that we weren’t alone.

“I needed you to be safe,” I said.

Her head shifted beneath my fingertips.  She stared into my eyes, sending an oddly warm shiver down my back.

“That’s my job,” she said, poking my forehead.

“You are my most important person.  Job or not, I will always protect you.  Whatever it takes,” I said, rubbing my nose playfully against hers.

“What are they doing?” Snow whispered conspicuously to Vanille.

“Flirting.  It’s all they ever do these days.  Still, it’s better than watching you whine about Serah all the time.  At least I get a show,” she said, standing up.

“We aren’t flirting,” Lightning said in Snow’s direction.

“Whatever you say, boss.   Once you guys are done ‘not flirting,’ come up to the front.  Sazh probably has jobs for us before we reach the Lindblum.”  He rose, and then he and Vanille stepped through a doorway.

“There is _nothing_ going on,” Lightning called after him.

I guessed I had my answer.  We were back at square one.  With them gone, I leaned in closer to her.

“There isn’t?  Could’ve fooled me,” I said, tapping my bite mark.

Before she could do or say anything else, I pulled away from her.

“You heard Snow.  We should head out,” she said.

She placed her hand on my chest, and shoved me back against the floor.  Not answering my question, she stood up and left me behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally finish off Part II.


	16. Without Warning

**Part III: Square One**

**Chapter 16: Without Warning**

“I need to see Fang!”  Vanille shouted the second we’d boarded the Lindblum.

Personally I needed a shower, but Vanille snatched at my and Lightning’s arms before we could get away.

“She’s not going anywhere, I need to formally check in with Rygdea first,” she said, trying to escape her hold.

“No.  No.  No.  I need to be with her.  If it were Hope, I’d bet you’d kill this Rygdea guy before letting anyone keep you from him.” Vanille had let go of me to plead with Lightning.

Why was she bringing me up like this?  The only one Lightning had ever openly loved that much was Serah.  Fang was Vanille’s lover; I wasn’t Lightning’s by any means.  Why was no one correcting her?  Both Snow and Sazh were equally silent.  Then Lightning did something rare, she enveloped the younger woman in a hug.

“You’re absolutely right.  Of course I would.”   She turned to Snow. “Take us to her.  Screw protocol.”

Snow wove us in and out of tiny corridors.  Crew members would look, but no one spoke to us.  I guessed someone must have reported our location, because by the time we reached the cargo bay Rygdea was waiting for us.

“Should have expected this.  Never had this many uncooperative civilians on board.  And Fang counted for more than one,” Rygdea said, playfully shaking his head.  “I suspect you plan on waking her?”

Vanille ran to the crystal and placed her hand in Fang’s, where it had belonged for the past three years.

“If we can,” Lightning said, taking me by the hand to join Vanille.

“Let me try this first.  If it doesn’t work, then by all means.  You two can have a go,” Vanille said with tears dripping down the corner of her eyes.

She stroked at Fang’s face and then kissed her crystalline lips.  Then she held up her palm.  A series of green vines of light sprouted.  They wove in a tornado like fashion inches above her hand.  She touched them to Fang.  They slipped in and instantly disappeared.  Nothing else happened.  We waited a minute, even though the effect had been instantaneous when we woke Vanille.

“I guess you need a pair after all.”  Vanille sighed. “Lightning, Hope?”

Wait, pair?  Was _this_ what they had been talking about?  Lightning and my meteor shower was pair, and that vine thing was what hers and Fang’s looked like.  This might simply be because we were partners, but I hoped there was a deeper meaning.

“Shall we?” Lightning said, smiling and holding her sparks up to me.

Before she could turn them towards Fang, I dropped my cheek into them.  She chuckled quietly, having assumed I would.  I looked into her eyes, my back turned to everyone.  They weren’t able to see me kiss her palm.  Her sparks multiplied and splattered all over my face and into my hair.  Well, they’d definitely been able to see her miniature explosion.  I didn’t care.  This might have been the last time she’d offer, I hadn’t felt it since she’d blindfolded me.  I ran my lips up her hand and left a second kiss on her exposed fingertips.

I heard someone mumbling about what was taking us so long.  This would take as long as I’d let it, she’d never let me act this way again.  Now that we were back in polite society, she’d go back to treating me like the friend that I was regardless of our feelings.  Finally, I pulled away from her hand.

I looked down, and was surprised to see sparks erupt from my palm immediately.  No particular image was in mind.  Lightning nodded her head to me and we simultaneously placed our sparks to Fang’s chest.  Then we ran for our lives.

Unlike Vanille, Fang was encased in excess crystal.  The explosion of dust covered every onlooker but us, as we had ducked behind a large crate. I laughed into Lightning’s shoulder blade when I heard the collective coughs.

“We should have warned them,” I said, moving to kneel in front of her.

As ridiculous as it might sound, her eyes were sparkling.  Maybe it was the crystal in the air.  She brought her free hand to my face.  Her thumb rested on my cheek and her fingers on my neck.  Just as they had the time I’d erroneously waited for her to kiss me. 

“Are you ok with this?  Here?” I whispered to her as I stiffened in place.

She nodded once and closed her eyes, giving me permission.  I slipped my arm around her waist, lifting her towards me.  I suspected that if I messed this up, I wouldn’t be given another chance.

Before she could change her mind, I kissed her.  She didn’t run like before.  Our noses brushed against one another as we adjusted.  Every millisecond that our lips stopped touching, I feared they wouldn’t reconnect.  But they did.  She used her hand on my neck to direct me.  Even if I had initiated things, she wanted the last word.  I tested this, by slowly pulling away.  Immediately, she yanked me back in.  I could feel my lips pull into a smile.  Her chest pressed against mine.  Her kisses became more urgent, her tongue tried to slip into my mouth.

 “A-hem,” Snow said dramatically.

Or not.  We looked up to see Snow, Sazh, and Rygdea standing directly in front of us.  Fang and Vanille were behind them, occupied in the manner that I’d been in a second ago.  A variety of scientists were flitting around, waving devices at the couple and around the dusty room.

“Farron, would you care explaining what happened back there?” Rygdea said gesturing a thumb behind him.

“Ah yes.  I should probably give a report on everything that happened below,” she said, taking his hand to stand.  “Shall we talk in your office?”

 The two of them briskly left the room.

“I’m gonna go show the ladies around,” Sazh said.  “And you should probably hit the showers, kid.  I can smell you from here.”

Snow threw me over his shoulder.  I started kicking and punching him half-heartedly.

“Uh-uh.  You aren’t getting away until you tell me every last detail.  Sis said nothing was going on between you two.  None of that just now was ‘nothing,’” he said as he carried me down the hallways.

I pathetically waved at crew members.  They just whispered and waved back.  I was something like a class pet.  I was a source of amusement, but no one would rescue me.

* * *

 

While bathing I relayed as much as I could of my trip to the Steppe.  Embarrassing specifics were left out.  He did not need to know that I’d rubbed my face all over her body.  He just needed to show me how to properly maintain my current facial hair for ‘reasons.’

“So when did it start?” he said.

“When did what start?” I asked, confused.

I’d literally just told him all the information I could.  What else did he want to know?

“The most important part, when did you fall for her, kid?”

“You know what, I haven’t actually thought about it.”

Surely it hadn’t been an ‘always’ sort of feeling.  I could bring up memories from last year where I definitely hadn’t thought of her that way.  Like our magic, it had appeared out of nowhere and then slowly grew in strength.  Then on the night she’d tumbled into my room, everything that I had buried surfaced.  I’d felt her sparks again… and after that everything in my life descended into chaos. Yet that line of thinking seemed disingenuous. I had always compartmentalized: friends, family, enemies, crushes, acquaintances etc. However, I’d put Lightning into her own separate category. One that _overflowed_ ; one I had stockpiled with every detail of her.  I’d labeled it ‘partner’ because that was the word she’d given me.   A borrowed word that hadn’t meant what I thought it had.  With that first shock of electricity between us, I’d been given a lexicon.  And all the letters that applied to her began to spell something else entirely.  Our history translated itself into a language I could finally comprehend.

“I definitely have my own theory on it, but is anything clicking?” Snow said.

I held up a handful of sparks, not wanting Snow to know about her birthday.  Lightning had definitely spent time convincing him nothing had happened that day.  Which was only half true.

“Yup.  Makes sense to me.  Let me ask you one more question.  What do you think of when you make that happen?”

“Well,” I said embarrassedly, “I think about Light.  The first time, I thought of a memory that made me laugh.  But the more I admitted to liking her, the easier it became.”

I once again, withheld information.  I did not tell him that the sparks could happen of their own accord.  That ever since that first jolt in the kitchen, my body had been primed for the electricity and magnetism to come.

“You told me you thought hers felt something like laughter.  Was that right?  I’ll tell you this.  When I felt it, that was no tickles, giggles, or whatever naïve crap you thought it was,” he said raising one eyebrow. “And you ask for it all the time.”  At this point he let out a harsh laugh.  “No wonder she drove you crazy.”

Snow’s implication made me blush, especially since I’d recently figured it out myself.  

“I should apologize for that now.  No one wants a porno of their sister-in-law,” I said, flinching.

Then a thought popped into my head.  He and Serah had known about the date.  He could question me all he wanted, but how much info did he have before hand?

“Snow,” I said, frowning, “how long have you _actually_ known?”

“When a woman only ever visits one person, and she comes back from his house with,” Snow began to laugh, but cleared his throat, “it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.  My wife is her sister.  We had belated birthday plans.”

He came and picked over my wet hair.  Then he got a dangerous gleam in his eye.

* * *

 

“She’s going to hate this.”  I reached around and scratched at my bare neck.  “You don’t understand.  She kind of,” I said, averting my gaze, “I think she liked it.  She was always ruffling it.  One time she legitimately played with it.”  I blushed, thinking of her chasing the bits of static with her palms.

“Hope, if you want to rock the mini-beard you need to change up your look.  Even I can see you’re growing out of your baby face.”

I turned and faced my reflection in a window.  Snow had convinced one of the guys on board to cut my hair.  He’d thinned it so that the layers flattened to my head.  Now my bangs looked intentional and not just part of the fluffy animal surrounding my face.   When he’d reshaped it, I’d finally looked my age.  The concept intrigued and terrified me.  It didn’t help that I’d had to borrow a shirt; my bandana was in the wash with the outfit I’d worn.  Snow had just shaken his head and sighed when he’d seen my neck.  I rolled the sleeves of the turtleneck up, boiling in the climate controlled airship.

“Plus, even if she doesn’t like it.  I guarantee I’ve seen a ton of the ladies on board eyeing you,” he said, winking at me.  “Right on time.” He gripped my shoulder and stood behind me.

“What is it, Snow?  I still haven’t had a chance to wash up but Sazh was insistent you needed me,” Lightning said, strolling into the atrium.

“Oh, just this,” he said, spinning me around front to face her.

She emitted a tiny gasp. “Hope.”

That was all she said.  Did I look good?  Did I look terrible and make a horrendous mistake?  I knew I shouldn’t have let him talk me into this.  He gently pushed me forward.

“I gotta go.  See you both at dinner.”  Snow literally ran, escaping as fast as possible.

Once Snow was gone, she peeled off her gloves and gingerly reached out to touch me.  I knew she was going for my hair, but I slipped my cheek into her hand.  Bringing mine up, I slid my fingers between hers.

“Do you like it?” I asked.

“Do you?”

“Actually, yeah.  I didn’t think I would.  I was so used it, I was worrying that nothing else would ever suit me,” I said.

“Then I like it too.”  She coaxed our hands to run through it.  “Definitely shocked me though.  After being with you continuously recently, I didn’t expect you to change more than you already had. I doubt your father will recognize you after all of this.”

“People never change all that much, Light.  No matter what I look like, I’ll always be there for you.”

“Damn it.” She let go of me.  “There’s something we need to talk about.  Once he found out we could wake Vanille, Rygdea got this ludicrous idea into his head.  The further we expand across Pulse, the more ruins are being excavated.  They’ve found more crystallized l’Cie.”

I looked up at her.  My nerves were on edge, she was going to tell me terrible news.  Wasn’t she?

“You know what I’m getting at don’t you?  He wants to try and wake them.  It’ll fill in holes.  So far, the only Pulsian survivors from the War of Transgression are Fang and Vanille.  This could be our chance to learn about things that predate even them.”

“So we are going to wake them?” I rested my head on her shoulder, knowing her answer.

“No, _we_ aren’t.  You need to go home.  Your magic is under control, so you don’t pose your father any risks.  You also need to finish school.  I can’t allow you to be in danger any longer.”

I wrapped my arms around her back, and she wrapped hers around my head.  Tucking me into herself, she kept me as close as possible.

“How long?”  My voice muffled into her filthy uniform.

“Anywhere from a few months to a year.  I’m getting transferred to a base on the other side of Pulse for now.”

After all of this?  After she had made me fall for her, she was just going to abandon me?  Maybe it was better that nothing more happened between us.  I didn’t need to feel worse than I already did in this moment.

“That’s where you got off to.  I thought we planned to meet in the showers?” Fang called from somewhere in the distance.  “Whoops, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You’re not,” Lightning said, still embracing me.

I shifted so I could peek past her elbow but made no effort to let go either.

“So you finally got yourself a boyfriend.  I thought you were like me and Vanille?” Fang directed her next verbal assault on me. “So who are you?  What magic did pull to win over this piece of work?  You must be packin’.”

Lightning made a subtle growl and lifted her arms to reveal me.

“Well roast me on a spit.  I didn’t expect it to be you, kid.”  She raised an eyebrow and then began laughing.

She didn’t stop.  The woman had no shame whatsoever.  It wasn’t that funny.  No one had laughed in the cargo bay when they’d found us.  The only time had been when I’d so adamantly denied my feelings.  Which in retrospect made sense.  I had been an idiot, I’d give them that.

“You ever wonder why I rescued Vanille but left you to rot with Snow and Rygdea?” I tried my best impression of Lightning’s glare.

This only further amused Fang.  She came and patted me on the back.  Then she pulled me from Lightning into a hug of her own.  Mannequin, pet, I was anything but a man to the women in my life.

“I didn’t get a chance to say this earlier.  Thank you.  If you weren’t such a crazy little bastard, my lady and I wouldn’t be here,” she said, giving me a noogie.  “For future reference, don’t jump to your death for anyone but Lightning.  You should have heard her; I thought she was going to strangle Rygdea for allowing you to be in that situation.”

“Not even for me,” Lightning said with a serious tone.

“How could I?  Both times, it was _you_ who came after _me_.  I’d say you are far more reckless.”

“It’s decided.  I’ll take point from now on.”

“I’d say I’ll watch the rear, but you already know where I’m headed with that joke.”  I snorted, and Lightning smacked me over the head.

“Gods, Vanille was right.  Your endless flirting is nauseating,” Fang said.

I glared up at her.  “You knew it was me the whole time.”

“What?  You’re the only one allowed to have any fun?  I’m making up for lost time here.”  She winked at me.  “Anyway, I really do need a shower.  Meet you there, Lightning.”

“For the record.  I am.” I shouted at Fang, and then made a show of grunting and thrusting into Lightning.

She kicked me away, and I could hear Fang’s laughter slowly disappear as she made her way through the corridors.


	17. Love Spell

**Chapter 17: Love Spell**

“How are you sure that Fang and Vanille are going to be able to wake people up.  I mean, historically, Lightning and I are the only ones who managed it.” I said.

Fang made an awful grunting noise.  She sat back and put her crossed ankles on the table.  Lightning had already personally gone over the details of our accidental trip with Rygdea.  However, he insisted on having a formal meeting after dinner.

“Trust a boy to doubt the abilities of women.  Get your shit together.”

Rygdea kicked at the conference table, signaling Fang to remove her feet.  I admired the way he had a no nonsense attitude with her.  When we’d first met, she’d been the same age as Lightning but completely terrifying.  We were now only three years apart, but I still remembered how easily she’d helped me with Alexander.  The woman was practically superhuman.  Rygdea, however, had known her first and pictured her as an equal.

“Though I’d given Lightning the rundown, I never actually explained to Hope how it works.  I guess everyone else at the table is probably wondering too.  Shall I?” Vanille said, waving her hand whimsically around.

“By all means, Miss,” Rygdea said.

“I have no idea how the six of them first woke up.  I doubt we’ll ever know, but because they did, their magic got a little scrambled.  All of our focuses were interconnected, which is why Fang and I were crystallized together.  But our relationships went deeper than that.  Sazh and Dajh are genetic family so they weren’t given the talent that we have.”  Vanille spun her finger to point at the remaining l’Cie.  “Fang and I have always been a couple.  Serah and Snow’s partnership resulted in marriage.  Undoubtedly, Lightning and Hope’s will result in one too.”

Trust Vanille to bring up something I’d said in confidence.  I blushed and tucked my neck into my shoulders when Rygdea winked at me.  It would probably be in my interest to apologize about attacking him.  Though, his haircut resulted in plenty of the women on board mooning over him.

“All of you Cocoonians, Cocoonites, Cocooners?  Anyway, all of you never got a good look at l’Cie magic like those of us from Pulse did.  It’s far more extensive than the battle and healing magic we used.  The particular Fal’Cie who branded us only needed the skills we’d been given.  We were in the midst of a war after all.”

She held up the same glowing vine she’d tried on Fang that morning.  “But whoever saved these guys gave them something, well, in layman’s terms, a bit more akin to sex magic.”

Snow sputtered out the water he’d been sipping.  The man had impeccable timing.

“I guess that wasn’t the right word.  Fertilization magic?  How about that?”  Vanille said cocking her head toward Snow.  “Picture spawning.  A fish swimming in the water.  She lays her eggs.  Then later on, along comes her man fish and sprays his semen all over the nest.  The eggs become fertilized and soon you have adorable baby fishies.

“Snow and Serah, and Hope and Lightning each have magic that comes in a set.  First, Lightning cast a particular spell on my crystal.  A ‘love spell’ if you will.”  Vanille covered her mouth as she giggled.  “And then Hope used the same one.  This combination not only awoke me, but also made me their progeny.  I then inherited their ability to use it.”

“Which is why Vanille and I are perfectly capable of leaving your teenage behind at home,” Fang said, holding up a mirror glittering vine to her partner.

“What about those crystals you plan to mess with.  They aren’t going to be partnered up like us.”  I grabbed Lightning’s hand under the table.  “Isn’t it a little unfair to bring them into this world?  What if they’re miserable?  One of the only reasons we were able to cope with surviving the Purge and its aftermath was having each other.”

Lightning lifted our hands to the tabletop.  “So you’re telling me that you’d rather still be a crystal?”

“No.”

“Then you woke up and knew that we’d ever be more than comrades?”

A modest gasp echoed from onlookers in the conference room.

“No.”

“So why should romance have anything to do with helping people who were treated as slaves?”  She let go of me and crossed her arms.

“Everyone here keeps treating all of this as a science experiment.  I only came to help because Vanille and Fang are my friends.  I don’t want any of you responsible for setting off a chain of events that could result in another planetary catastrophe.”  I frowned.  “Once is enough for my lifetime, thank you very much.”

“Stop being a worrywart,” Snow said.

Rygdea spoke, “With that, everyone can get on with business; I need to talk to these guys alone for a bit.”

Finally, everyone whose names I had not known left the room.

“I just wanted to thank all of you guys for humoring my crazy idea.  There’s just something about you Fang.  Kindred spirit or something, but I couldn’t just leave you frozen like that for the rest of my life.”

“Did you miss the part about my shacking up with Vanille?”  Fang raised one eyebrow at the man.

“That’s exactly what kills me about you.  If there were ever a person I needed on my team, it’s you, darlin’.  Call me selfish, but I put on this whole thing just so you could be my second in command.”  He laughed and walked over to her to stick out his hand.  “Work with me, kid.”

She grinned, baring her teeth, and shook his hand.

“Now that, that’s out of the way,” Rygdea turned to me.  “We’re currently floating above Oerba.  Tomorrow, I’m gonna fly you guys down on my personal transport.  You, Snow, and Sahz can catch trains back home from there.  It’s been a long week.  But, like I said, thanks.”

All of my friends filtered out the doorway, but Rygdea grabbed my shirt and pulled me back into the room.

“Before you go.”

“I’m sorry I bit you like a rabid animal,” I interrupted, raising my hands between us in defeat.

He threw his head back and laughed.  “Never expected that.  But no, this isn’t about an apology.  This is just a reminder.  We only plan on being gone for five months.  Sometimes things don’t work out as planned, especially with something we know so little about.  Take this mission for example, we were supposed to be in and out with the crystals.  Then we expected to spend years trying to figure out how to rescue Fang.  Somehow you asshats did it in less than two weeks.

“There is always a possibility this upcoming mission will be short.  But I doubt it.  Most likely, we’re going to spend a long time out there.  You won’t be seeing Farron.  Make the most time of your time together.”  He slipped something into my pocket.  “You’re probably going to need this.”

Then he patted me on the back and showed me out the door.


	18. Inside Out, Front to Back

**Chapter 18: Inside Out, Front to Back**

I approached Lightning’s quarters.  I’d be dropped off at the station the next day to head home.  This would be the last time we could talk privately.  I knocked on the door, hoping no one else would run into me.

“Hope, what are you doing here?” she said, opening the door.

“We need to talk.”

She gestured for me to come in before closing the door.

“You can’t stay long.  I don’t want anyone to make assumptions,” she said, crossing her arms.

“Don’t worry.  I’m not here for that,” I said raising my arms submissively. “Quite the opposite actually.”

She looked at me with confusion and a hint of disappointment.  I’d basically spent the entire mission all over her.  It would go without question that I definitely wanted to take advantage of our last night together.  She sat on the floor and tapped the space next to her for me to join.

“I finally figured it out.”  I waved my hand around like a sparkler, specs of light fluttering around the room touching everything but her.  “What you think about.  And it’s left me slightly confused.” I noticed her face reddening.  “If you had wanted me that night, why did you reject me?”

“I realized we were on different wavelengths.  You could’ve said literally anything else that night.  I needed to hear that you felt the same way about me.  I’m not like your high school girlfriends.  That if it ends, whatever, move on to the next one.  And if that doesn’t work out, well there’s always college.

“The fal’Cie made it so that we will always be part of each other lives.  You wanted sex that night.  There’s nothing wrong with that; I did too.  But you hadn’t indicated you wanted anything else.  You weren’t ready to _be with_ _me_.”

I rested my head against her shoulder.  “Who said I wasn’t ready for you?”  I let out a deep sigh.  “You didn’t say anything either.  How was I supposed to figure out what you wanted?  I’m not a mind reader.  And it’s not like you’d _ever_ shown any interest in me before then.  If we’d just talked this out, we wouldn’t have been miserable this past year. ”

“That we couldn’t talk about it, is proof it wasn’t the right time.  Anyway, no one has ever relentlessly pursued me before.  Completely worth it.  I think it was something we both needed, instead of trying to cut ahead to the finish line.  And, of course, there was the fact that you were 17 then.  As lenient as your father has been, he would’ve never approved of my having a physical relationship with you.” She stroked at my hair. “You need to get going now.  The guys will be wondering where you are.”

She stood and pulled me to my feet.

“Yeah, about that.  I’m pretty sure they already know.  Snow and Rygdea gave me condoms,” I said, scratching at my neck.

“Even Rygdea?!  I’m going to castrate him,” she said punching the wall.

“I only asked Snow for one.  In private, and I felt equally humiliated if that makes you feel any better.  All of mine had been in my pack that you sliced and diced.”

“Why would Snow have one?”  Lightning said, ready to kill her brother-in-law on behalf of his pregnant wife.

“He didn’t.  But he also didn’t want anyone to know that I was trying to get into your pants, so he went and asked around in my stead.”  I wrung my hands nervously in front of my stomach.  “Then Rygdea stopped me on my way here.  He said, ‘I’m sure you’re gonna want this,’ while he slipped it into my pocket,” I said, blushing heavily.

She sighed and leaned her forehead to the wall.

“I know I should feel relieved that you were prepared this time.  But, please don’t get them involved again.  Even if I don’t have one on me, I will source one.  I don’t want Snow of all people in my business.” 

She hugged me and kissed the top of my head.  I could feel my pulse beating even in the tips of my ears. 

“Oh crap, I forgot to give you your present.” She darted across the room. 

She shuffled around in her pack until she finally found what she was looking for.  She held the item tightly in her fist and nervously returned to me.  I held out my hand; one finger at a time she unveiled my gift till it dropped.  A necklace with a thick chain fell into my palm.  I touched the lightning pendant that hung from it.

“You’ve been staring at mine a lot recently.  So when I saw it in a shop a while back, I thought of you.”

I, one hundred percent, had been staring at her boobs not her necklace.  I, of course, would never tell her this.  Mostly out of shame that I hadn’t been as discrete as I’d thought.  Putting the jewelry on, it dangled delicately.

“Light.”

“Yes?”  She tilted her head to look at me.

“I am wearing one of your earrings.  We have matching necklaces.”  I was overcome with nervousness.  “Do you mean anything particular by this?”  I watched as she remained unfazed.  “I know you didn’t plan it.  But Snow…gave Serah one as an engagement gift.”

Ah, there was the panic I had anticipated.  She grabbed at the pendant, trying to rip it off me.  The sturdy chain dug into my skin.  She kept peering around the room, as if someone might be watching.

“It’s definitely not that!  We’ve barely even started dating,” she said, avoiding my gaze.

“Don’t pretend that I haven’t been courting you.  Formally.  We even had a chaperoned date.  If this were before the War of Transgression, Serah and Snow would have already had a meeting with my father about my intentions.  It’s been practically archaic.”  I sighed heavily.  “We’ve spent almost a year deciding whether we wanted this or not.  I’d say that’s a hell of a lot longer than either of us has ever put into a relationship.”

I switched our positions so that she was against the wall, this time with her back slowly sliding down it.  Being taller than her was an odd sensation, even if manufactured.

“I’m _still_ waiting for you to kiss me, and not some little wispy thing to my forehead.  Why must I always be first?” I said, tasting her lips.

“First?” she asked, but her question resonated deeper than I’d expected.  “First,” she repeated, resting her head to the wall.  She raised her eyebrows and looked at me expectantly.  For a moment I thought she would elaborate.  But she didn’t.

“Please don’t make me leave tonight,” I said.

“You think that I want to be separated from you?  I specifically ask for assignments so I can see you as often as possible.  I can’t imagine what torture it would be,” she said, her hands slipping beneath my shirt, “knowing exactly what I’m missing.”

I ripped off my shirt making the decision easier for her.  The thing got caught on my head and shoulders, the gesture not as sexy as I had anticipated.  Lesson learned: never wear borrowed turtleneck while trying to seduce someone.  Will only make fool of self.  I bent at the waist, and she had to help wriggle me out of it.  My hair was now a wreck and I was red with embarrassment.  To her credit, she made no comment.  I gave her a quick kiss of thanks, my bravado returning.  Her hands were instantly back, following the indentations between the muscles of my back.

“You should know that nothing about this will be torture,” I whispered before nipping at her earlobe.  “Unless that’s what you’re into.”

I could feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest against mine.  She was still panicking; maybe my joke had been poorly timed.  There was something out there capable of scaring the Great Lightning?  I stood back putting some breathing room between the two of us.

“I had a hard enough time reconciling that my best friend was a teenage boy.  You are the companionship that was missing in my life.  Serah had always been enough for me; I couldn’t understand why she had needed anyone else.  But you unraveled that.  Everything about you was comfortable and easy.”  She pulled me back in, trying to absorb me into her body. “So when things between us started changing, I was frightened.  I didn’t want to destroy this like I do everything else,” she said, resting her cheek to my shoulder.  “But all I’ve managed to do is push you further away.”

“I’m willing to take this at whatever pace you need.” I nuzzled her head with my own.  “Though, I’d definitely prefer quickly.”  I felt her laugh quietly.

“And while we’re being completely honest with each other, why the hell did you chase after Vanille?  I was positive that I’d screwed myself over.”

I held her cheek in my palm. “Why are you so hung up on that?  We’ve done considerably more dangerous things before.”

“You’d been distant all day, worrying about something ominous.  And then weird shit started happening.  So when you practically kissed me goodbye, I’d never been so terrified.  One second you were safe in my arms, the next you were gone.”  She frowned with the grouchy expression I secretly liked.  “You don’t have to keep testing me; I would have gone with you.  If you continue to be so reckless, I’ll be grey by my thirties.”

“The only reason I can be so reckless is because you’re beside me.  I trust you with my life.  All I ask is that someday you’re willing to trust me with yours.”  I kissed her, but only briefly because I really needed to finish my thought.  “Light, I…”

The door beside us began to shudder as someone outside knocked.  I was beginning to believe that the universe itself was out to get me.

“Lightning!  Let me in!  Vanille and I have come to keep your poor, wounded soul company.  We’ve brought a midnight snack,” Fang said between bangs on the door.

I scrambled into my shirt while Lightning held onto the door handle in case the lock didn’t hold.

“She’s busy.  We need to get out of here.  Trust me.” My wing-woman was trying her best.

“The straight-laced type like her? Nope.”

Lightning’s expression had been impressively labile within these past moments.  It ranged from lust, to fear, to pure rage.  I smiled, oddly attracted to the way her eyebrows pulled together.  She pinched her nose and finally opened the door.

“Fang, I’m a little indisposed right now.  As we will be seeing each other every day for the next several months, perhaps this could wait until tomorrow?” Lightning said.

“No way in hell is Vanille right.  I bet her my favorite pair of earrings,” Fang said, throwing open the door and pushing Lightning out of the way.

The second Fang caught sight of me, she burst into laughter.  I really couldn’t understand what was so funny about me and Lightning.  Something about it brought her ancient-ass great joy.  I rolled my eyes, for all she knew we could have just been talking.  She strolled over to me, with Vanille behind spilling several apologies.

“Ah, my darling lil’ Hope,” she said placing a hand on my shoulder. “I may not know about modern fashion.  But I can tell when something is inside out.”

I quickly peeked down. “Oh shit.”

Sure enough, my shirt was inside out.  Not only that, but it was back facing front.  I had massively screwed up.  I glanced over to Lightning, hoping she wouldn’t kill me.  Instead she was rubbing the back of her neck trying to ease her tension.  Vanille was consoling her, trying to make up for Fang’s intrusion.

“Well, I guess this is goodnight.” I said stiltedly.

Lightning shoved me out the open door.

“Good night, Hope.”


	19. Distillation

**Chapter 19: Distillation**

Rygdea decided to personally oversee our train tickets.  The first one to leave would be me.  Sazh and Snow’s departure wasn’t until the afternoon.  Fang and Vanille didn’t have to escort us, but they chose to anyway.  This would be their last moment of freedom before they had to endure boot camp.  Rygdea had had enough of working with untrained idiots.

I felt entirely to blame.  The agreement was that I went home if they took my place.  I wasn’t a minor anymore, but my father had stayed in contact the whole mission.  Everyone had agreed that I should at least finish schooling.  My father didn’t know of my ulterior motive in wanting to stay.  Gods, that was going to be awkward to explain when I got home.

Sure, he’d seen me kiss her once.  But in his opinion, that was probably a one-off scenario.

Hey, Dad.  You know how Light is my best friend?  She’s not.  It’s official, she’s my girlfriend.  What?  You don’t want that pervert ever visiting the house again?  Too bad.  I’ll just elope.

Someone was holding me in a tight embrace.  I looked up and realized Snow had me in a hug.  I tried to wriggle free, but we both knew I could never escape him.

“Expect me and Serah to come and see you all the time.  Even if Lightning won’t be here, we’re still your family.  We’ll even drag Sazh and Dajh along with us during the holidays.  So don’t be a party pooper like always.  Remember to call me, lil’ bro.”  He rubbed his chin vigorously into the top of my head.

“Stay home, Snow.  You’re not my family.”  I rolled my eyes, pretending I wasn’t going to miss everyone.

Just this one morning of all of us together, had been like the old days.  I hadn’t realized how much it would hurt to end it.  I tapped my forehead into his chest and punched his side.

“Yet,” I whispered.

His whole body shook while he laughed at my comment.  He hugged me so tightly that he lifted me off my feet.

“Considering how you freaked out the other day, what changed your mind?” I asked.

He set me down and put both of his hands on his hips.  “Didn’t have all the facts that day.  Now that I know, it’s all good.”  He tapped my necklace.  “I didn’t want either of you to get hurt.”

I tugged at my bandana, trying to hide the pendant.

“What happened?” Fang said, sidling up to us.

“Nothing,” Snow and I said in unison.

She punched the both of us in our shoulders.  “If you say so.  Hope, I already got all of the sentimental scat out of the way.  But I guess it’s worth reiterating.  Thanks.  I wouldn’t be here without you.  Now don’t be stupid, otherwise I won’t hear the end of it.  For some reason Vanille and Lightning love you to pieces.”

“And you don’t?” I grinned and bared my teeth.

“Of course I do.”  She smacked me on the back of the head.

Vanille came from behind and wrapped her arms around me.  “I love you, little guy.  I’m gonna miss you.  Make sure you call all the time.  Ok?  Don’t forget about us.  Without my hard work, you’d have nothing.”  She rubbed my face with on her hands.  “Ugh, I’m going to miss this the most.  Fang, I need you to grow out your leg hair.”

“I’ll miss all of this too, Vanille.” I turned around so I could look at her.  “You don’t need to cry.  I promise to call you all the time.”

She giggled, tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes.  “Not too often.  Lightning might use me as target practice.  Anytime you turned around she looked murderous.”

I started laughing until Lightning jabbed me in the side.  I hadn’t even noticed her approach.  When I looked at her, I could tell she was trying her best to wear a mask.  My hand was about to touch her chin when I was interrupted.

“Don’t you dare forget me, kid.  I may not have been running around with all of you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get a goodbye.  There is always room for you with me and Dajh.”  Sazh clapped my back and smiled.

“Call me when you’re on vacation, I’ll drop by.”

“Hey!  That’s unfair.  You’ll visit him but not me?” Snow shouted.

I stuck out my tongue.  As soon as I did so, the speakers rang about the arrival of my train.  I would have to board soon.

“Light, can I talk to you privately?”  I took her hand and strode to the platform.

Concern was plastered all over her face.  Once we stopped, she tucked my hair behind my ears.  I guessed she’d lied about liking my haircut.  I took a deep breath.

It was now or never.  She’d made it clear last night that if we didn’t know how it felt in the first place, it would be easier to live without it.  I worried that if I didn’t let her know now, then I might never have the chance again. 

 “I have something to tell you.  Technically show you.”  I held up my palm.  “I haven’t let you touch it.  At first, I was afraid that you didn’t feel the same.  Then it became a matter of intensity, perhaps it didn’t match up.  But I can’t let you leave without knowing everything.”

I began to recreate her meteor shower in my palm.  The sensation was entirely different than any of our other magic. The feeling was like bits of my soul burbling to the surface.  I thought back to her birthday, the way the streetlights had glowed on her skin.  I thought of every moment since.  The more I thought of her, the brighter the fountain grew.  How I had inexplicably wanted to kiss her for the first time.  How that desire had never truly left.  How her touch electrified me.  Her glances my way, her adorable jealousy, her frustrated glare, her privately squawking at chocobos.  I loved every second.  Maybe that’s all there was to it, a distillation into one truth.  Worth more than like and lust and heat and temptation and passion and want and need. One thing.  

_I Love You._

I extended my hand to her, urging her to touch it.

The second her hand even neared mine, the sparks multiplied and shot towards her body.  They wound in every direction covering the space around us like a ribbon of pure light.  The ribbon exploded and droplets of faceted color shone in the air.  Surrounded in the aura of magic, Lightning sparkled with a celestial essence.  Was this what a goddess appeared like to mortal man?

Her eyes had never seared into me like this.  I felt her hand rest at the base of my skull, the other moved to my lower back.  She pulled me up towards her. Our lips met.

I started grasping for her like the starving teenager I was.  My hands were all over the place, in her hair, against her back, grasping at her ass.  Why did I have to be so short?   The only possible improvement to the greatest moment of my life would be not having her support me on my tip-toes.  As our kiss progressed I knew I wasn’t the only one who’d been aching for this.   Her tongue drove into my mouth, her teeth bit at my lips, her hand clutched at my jacket.

As we parted, the shimmering in the air vanished.  It was just us, together, on the platform.

“Never,” she said, catching her breath, “do that sparkly thing with anyone else.”

She rested her head on my shoulder.

“I doubt my love for you would have that effect on anyone else.  They’d probably barf.”

She stood back up properly.  Both of her eyebrows were raised, the precursor to a smile teased at the corner of her mouth.  Did I say something weird?  Oh crap.  I hadn’t meant for it to come out that way.  Way to blow a romantic gesture.

“You thought our feelings don’t match up?” she said, resting her hand on her hip. “What the hell gave you that I idea?  I love you too.”

She _loves_ me.

I had been waiting for those exact words all year.

I could faintly hear catcalls from all around me.  I wasn’t paying attention though.  All I wanted was her back onto my mouth.  I gripped her collar and yanked her down to my level.  I was fairly certain Fang shouted something along the lines of “Took you long enough.”  Lightning clearly didn’t care about the onlookers either.  We didn’t separate until an announcer informed the station that my train was almost finished boarding.

“You’ll wait for me right?” I said, placing one last peck on her lips.

“How long do you think I’ve been at this?  Another couple of months are nothing.”

My hands slipped from hers.


	20. I Lied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the final chapter of the story.

**Chapter 20: I Lied**

I reluctantly stepped onto the train and was immediately knocked flat on my face.

“Madam, we please ask that you not board the train as the doors are closing.  May I see your ticket,” an attendant said somewhere above me.

“I’m not a madam,” I said, making to stand up.

“Here’s my ID.  Would it be possible to purchase one now?  I would like to share the same compartment as Hope Estheim.”

Balanced on all fours, I turned to see Lightning holding out her hand to me.  The poor attendant was beeping away on her handheld device setting up the accommodations.  She had the world’s sourest expression, clearly angry at Lightning’s dismissal of safety protocol.  I, in comparison, had never felt every muscle of my smile strain so hard.  I gripped her hand to stand, running my finger along her wrist.  I couldn’t tell if my pulse or hers was beating faster.

“I take it you’re Estheim?  Your compartment has been paid for in full.  Technically she can ride with you if you give her the ok.”

“Hell yeah,” or rather a phrase significantly more vulgar, slipped from my mouth.  “I mean, yes ma’am.  Would you please direct us?  Forgive our late arrival.”

We followed the frustrated attendant along the many rows of cars.  All the while, Lightning muttered into her communicator that she would take the next train back ASAP.  I couldn’t tell if Rygdea was infuriated or amused.  Either way, I couldn’t help but laugh each time his voice squawked loud enough for me to hear.  Once we had been deposited in our compartment, I spent a total of twenty seconds finding out how to shutter any and all blinds on the windows.  Then we wordlessly picked up where we had left off on the platform.

* * *

 

Lightning noticed one of the buttons on my fly was still undone and corrected it.  I held her hand there.

“Are you sure this as far as we’re going today?  It doesn’t bear repeating, but I won’t be seeing you for what’s beginning to feel like forever.”  I kissed her forehead. 

She shook off my hand and placed her arms in her lap.  Casually, she slumped over and rested her head on my thighs.

“I shouldn’t have told you.”  I slumped into the seatback of the bench. 

The treated fabric made a crunching noise, and I supposed she at least had a point.  Nothing about the train was romantic, not that I was a maiden in need of roses and flattery.

We had boarded the train an hour ago and continued making out.  The frantic kissing had been nice and all, but our actions had escalated exponentially.  Like I’d told Vanille earlier, I hadn’t been completely inexperienced. 

Eventually, I’d pulled Lightning to the floor.  We’d tumbled around groping at each other and the remaining bits of our clothes had either been bunched or removed entirely.  I’d fished Snow’s condom out of my pocket.  By today, I should have learned to keep my mouth shut.  Nothing she’d found sexy had ever come out of it.

“I’m not letting you off this train until I _finally_ make you mine,” I’d said.

She’d looked up at me, and steeled herself to say something.  As I’d prepped myself, she’d finally spoken.

“I need you to be completely honest with me.  This is your first time, isn’t it?”

“Is this a trick question?” I’d asked, leaning back to drop the wrapper in the waste basket.

“Hope, you’ve been assertive this whole year.  You got farther with me than most on my birthday.  And that was before all of the ‘courting’ began.”  She’d stroked at my arm.  “So I’d assumed that this wasn’t going to be a big deal.  But…”

“But,” I’d finished her sentence, “I was really bad at that just now, wasn’t I?”  I’d said, my shoulders slumping.

“No, you were fine at that.”  She’d smiled and flipped us over until she’d pinned my arms above my head.  “I still need you to answer my question.”

She’d been using my phrasing from yesterday, only in a completely different context.   I’d wanted assurance that we had a future together.  She’d wanted to know about my past.  Based on everything I knew about her personality, I would have to be completely honest.  Even if that had meant it might bite me in the ass.

“What are you expecting, an entire breakdown of my history?  Because that’s kind of a mood killer.”  I’d thrashed around trying to unsuccessfully break free.  “Fine.  That thing _you_ did, I had one of those back in Palumpolum.  The thing that _I_ did,” I’d closed my eyes and sighed, “was it that obvious I’d never done it before?  I mean… it was eventually a success.  You weren’t faking, right?  Gods, Light.  So what, I’m a virgin.” I’d winced, the word feeling acidic in my legally-an-adult mouth.  “But if you give me a chance, I won’t have to be.”

“You don’t need to make me yours, I already am.  You know that, and have been wrapping me around your finger.  However, I know that you are overly sentimental.”  She’d kissed me before reaching for her discarded clothing.  “So when we’re in our eighties, I don’t want you to get that wistful look in your eye, which you’ve been doing all week, and then sensually say to me, ‘Remember when you took my virginity in that filthy train car?  I actually got gum stuck up my ass crack.’ Or something to that effect.”

“I hope you know,” I’d said, tightening the lacing on her skirt, “all I got out of that is how you plan on growing old with me.”

Which had led up to the current scenario where we sat fully clothed.

I stroked at her hair and checked my watch.  We had a little over an hour before the train would be pulling into my station.

“Will you give me the opportunity to be sentimental this time,” she said, rolling over to look at me.  “Can you pinpoint the exact moment when you thought we might be possible?”

“How…did you know that I could narrow it down to the second it happened?” I asked.  “Did you feel the spark too?”

“I think it’s time I explained something to you.  Give you a little background.”  She held up a fountain of sparks to my cheek.  “I’ve loved you a hell of a lot longer than you have me.  It was imperceptible at first, I felt the same need to take care of you I did Serah.  But soon enough you didn’t need my protection.  Yet, I still craved returning to you.  My concept of home morphed from a place to a person.”  She tweaked my nose and placed her hand under her head.  “I didn’t think anything dangerous of the thought.  You were just an extension of my family.  Nor did I feel jealousy.

“Until I did.  Your father had let you have some of the tequila I’d brought him back from Oerba as a gift.  Something about the whole thing made you incredibly jealous.  So your father and I played it up.  Anytime he’d do something simple, like touch my hand while serving me a glass, your face would become hilariously animated.  Neither of us had seen you act that way before, so we had fun at your expense.  You had barely drunk anything, but you were hammered.  So I’d offered to drag you up to your room.  I carried you to your bed and tucked you in.  Then you,” she sucked in a breath, “kissed me.  And you looked at me and said, ‘If you just give me the chance, I’ll fall in love with you.’  Of course I asked you why the hell I would want that.  And like the pompous little gremlin you are, you answered me.  ‘I’m not an idiot.  My father isn’t the Estheim you’re after.  I can tell when someone is attracted to me.  So just give me some time, I’ll love you back soon enough.’  When you kissed me a second time, I saw the first spark.”

It was like trying to see the bottom of a pond.  The further one stepped in, the more silt stirred and obstructed the surroundings.  The memory was there, embedded in the muck, indistinguishable from reality but present. 

I’d assumed the incident had been a dream.  It had plagued me by replaying night after night until the day in the kitchen.  The spark had been obvious to me because I’d half-remembered the sensation.

Only, I’d asked her another question.   Before I’d kissed her the second time, I’d paused and flopped back into the bed.

“You do like me, right?  Don’t waste my time if you won’t feel the same way.”

The hair hanging in front of her face had caressed my cheeks when she’d responded with a huffing noise.

“Seriously though, I’m already halfway there,” I’d said, whining.

“Just half way?”

“Three quarters?” I’d leaned up and tried to the close the distance between our mouths again.

“A measly three quarters?” she’d said, grinning widely.

“Fifty one fifty-seconds.”

“Still not enough.”

“I lied.  I already love you.”  I’d pulled her down and the instant our lips had met, sparks had shot out between us.  It hadn’t even been the lone spark she’d described, but a burst.  Then I’d started uncontrollably laughing.

She’d shaken me off and stood straight.  “Good night, Hope,” she’d said glaring down at me.

“How is this not funny?” I’d said continuing to giggle.  “Our kiss was _literally_ magical.  Guess I’m not just drunk.  Come on, if this is just a figment of my imagination at least humor me.”  I’d sat up and tried to wrap my arms around her waist.  One of my hands had missed and accidently grabbed her ass; she’d slapped it away.

“I’m not going to humor a drunkard.”

“Not even one who just admitted that he loves you.  It’s not every day that someone likes a sourpuss like you.” I’d said, poking her belly button and trying to stifle my giggles.  “You’re a soldier.  Incredibly stubborn.  Even kind of an asshole sometimes.  With an attitude like that, how the heck did I end up saying it first?”  I’d said, cocking my head.  “You need to grab life by the big hairy balls, Light.  Tell me you love me.  Kiss me.  Do something, but don’t just sit around expecting me to always make the first move.”

Then, I’d snuggled into my sheets and shooed her away.  I’d believed that my brain had conjured up the whole thing until recently.

Giggles. They hadn’t been from her birthday after all.  _This_ had been the laughter.  She’d valued my drunken confession just as much as my physical affirmations.

“Then you waved me off and I left,” Lightning said, finishing her story.

“And that’s when you stopped touching me,” I said, taking her hand in mine.

“Exactly.”  She interlocked our fingers.  “I just sat on the memory, knowing it had been the alcohol talking.  Then Serah said something interesting to me.  She told me that sometimes, when Snow kissed her, she could almost feel snowflakes on her skin.  She hadn’t used magic before, but her husband had told her it had the same type of sensation.”

“So my curiosity got the better of me, and the next time I saw you…”

“We stood in the kitchen and you ruffled my hair.”

“Despite my best efforts to the contrary.  You loved me just as promised.”  She sat up and hugged herself into me.  “So there isn’t a rush, Hope.  All things reach their eventual destination.”

We spent the final hour sitting in the quiet.  At times we’d kiss, at others we’d speak, but mostly we just held each other.  We hadn’t even realized we were so close to the station until an attendant knocked on our door and the others within the car.  We both approached the exit, but neither us opened it.  I could hear passengers shuffling around in their compartments.

Lightning stood on her tip toes to rest her chin on the top of my head. “I love you, you tiny son of a bitch.”

“And yet you frame it with an insult.” I wrapped my arms around her head, pretending to smother her.  “Damn it, Light.  I don’t know how I’m going to make it without you.”

My smile started to twist.  I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate.  Since the day we’d met, I’d never spent more than month away from her.  Now was not the time to be my temperamental self.  Separating was equally hard for the both of us.  The train was decelerating, our time was almost up.  She brushed my arms away and placed her hands on my shoulder. 

“Just a while ago, you were terrified of the unexpected.  Nothing went as planned.  But if they had,” she said, looking into my eyes, “we wouldn’t be here like this.”

She kissed me for the millionth time today.  Somehow it still felt like the first, the freshness not wearing off.  I knew she needed to finish her thought, but this would be the last time I could connect with her.  I savored the taste.

“It’ll only be a couple of months.  But I have this feeling, no matter what happens to me you’d be fine.  So promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

The train stopped entirely.  Passengers stomped by in the hallway.

“I will.  If you promise you’ll come back to me.”

The mood felt permanent and somber in a way it hadn’t at the station.  Then, her lips pulled into a wry smile.  No matter how well I thought I knew her, these weeks had proven that she would never fail to surprise me.  She casually spanked my ass.

“I have no intention of dying a virgin,” she said flippantly.

I didn’t even have a chance to respond.  She slipped out of my fingers for the second time that day and into the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you all at the epilogue. :)


	21. Epilogue: Formalities

**Epilogue: Formalities**

It had been almost a year by the time Lightning rang my doorbell.  Honestly, most nights I’d hoped that she’d secretly surprise me in my room again.  When I’d opened the door, I’d been blown away by the way she looked.  I’d rarely seen her outside of her uniform or a t-shirt and shorts ensemble.  Today was completely different.  Her hair was in an intricate knot at the base of her head and she was clothed entirely in scarlet.  This must have been her dress uniform; it had a similar if not larger cape.  A variety of metallic pins glittered above her chest.  In an interesting development, she was also wearing heels.

And I was finally as tall as her.  Hah.  Tiny son of a bitch, my ass.

I leaned in to kiss her, but she stuck out a hand and stopped me.

“Is you’re father home?”

“Yes,” I answered bitterly.

“Perfect.”

Perfect?  These months without her here in person had felt like an eternity.  Personally I wanted to do things that would require my father be nowhere in the vicinity.  The woman was well aware of this.  I had made myself _explicitly_ clear during our recent talks.

“There will be plenty of time for that later,” she whispered into my ear.  “But right now,” she stood back and resumed speaking formally, “I need you to tell your father I’ll be waiting for him in the living room.  Also, could you please put on some clothes and join us.”

 Wonderfully bossy as always, just the way I loved her.

I leaned in and kissed her anyway.  The second my lips made contact, it was like an internal switch went off.  It wasn’t just mine either; she practically attacked me.  She rammed me backwards into the wall opposite the door.  I knocked over the table that held my father’s house keys in the process.  We only paused momentarily when he shouted down at the sound of a decorative bowl shattering.

“Who was at the door?” he called from upstairs.

“Just Lightning, Dad,” I said, as her mouth made its way down my neck and across my clavicle.

“Oh, she’s back?  Would she like to go out for brunch at the place we went for her birthday last time?”

“That would be great, Mr. Estheim,” she said, this time our roles reversed.

“Alright, we’ll leave in an hour.”  Finally the man was done interrupting us.

An hour.  What couldn’t be accomplished in an hour?  Now to just make our way upstairs.  She reached down and snapped at the waistband of my boxers.

“I thought your father warned you about walking around in these near me,” she whispered into my ear.

“Who do you think I did this for?” I pointed at the discarded shirt to the right of the door.  “Second I saw you in the peephole; I knew you’d appreciate it.”  I bit at her earlobe.

I spun us around, trying to back her up toward the staircase.  Hopefully, I was clear enough in indicating what I wanted.  She got the message.  As soon as she mounted a couple of the steps, she leapt forward and wrapped her legs around my waist.  It was kind of a miracle I didn’t fall over, basically a testament to my eagerness.  Three-quarters of the way up, I stopped to rest her against the wall.  Though I was taller, that didn’t mean I was suddenly the strongest man in the world.

As I had her supported against the wall, I was able to let my fingers run along the backs of her legs.  Then I noticed something slightly odd beneath her dress, a tiny nub bit into one of my fingers.  When one of my hands slid beneath the fabric, she moaned quietly.  What I found was a strap.  Turned out she was wearing one of those bits of lingerie that had straps that attach to stockings.  Could she have been any sexier in that moment?  I doubted that were possible.  I strummed at the ribbon like a harp.  We could literally see my bedroom from there.  My fascination with her underwear would be my down fall.

For this was the moment we heard, “I have a couple of questions for Ms. Farron about…”

My father froze in his tracks as he met us at the stop of the stairs.  Quick recap: Only minutes ago, my father and I had met in the hallway to grump about who would arrive at 7 a.m. on the weekend.  I had a shirt on then.  At this moment I was nearly naked, hands inside Lightning’s dress, and pinning her to the wall.  I also looked moderately vampiric with my mouth and neck smeared in lipstick.

Lightning wriggled so I could put her down, but the hand playing with the strap went the wrong way.  It got caught, and ended up being shoved upward through her garter belt.  When I did set her down, that entire side of the lingerie piece came down with it.  _Forgive me, Light, I know not what I do._

Gentleman that he was, my father turned around and walked toward his room.

“Tell me when you’re ready to leave for the restaurant,” he called from behind the closed door.

With him gone, Lightning bent over to untangle my hand.  I had the damn belt so twisted, she ultimately had to unhook it completely.   We stood in the stairwell, the mood dead.  She rustled a hand in one of her pockets.

“I told Serah that red was a terrible idea,” she said, removing a packet of pre-moistened wipes.

She vigorously scrubbed at my face, trying to remove the stain.  Giving up, she handed me a few fresh wipes.

“Here.  Soap alone won’t get rid of it.  Tell your father I’ll be in the living room.  There are things we all need to discuss,” she said the last part loud enough for my father to hear.

Carrying her lacy garment and wearing only one shoe, she hobbled her way back down the stairs.

I walked back to my room and searched for something moderately formal.  Nothing that said I was trying too hard though. Clearly something important was going on.  I settled on a pair of grey slacks and a button up.  Should I wear a tie?  What was she planning?  Better safe than sorry.  I grabbed a turquoise, silk one.

As I rounded the corner towards the living room, I could hear them speaking privately.

“I take it by your appearance that today is the day?”

“Yes, Sir.  Though, I’m worried that I might be rushing things.  Am I?  Impulsivity is not one of my better traits.  But I know for certain that I don’t want to remain in this holding pattern.”

My father let out a warm laugh followed by a long sigh. “Ms. Farron, the day that you first came into my home I already knew it was a foregone conclusion.   Forgive him for taking the long way around.  Today, tomorrow, ten years from now.  He’ll only ever have one answer for you.”

“Thank you.”

“No.  Thank _you_ for giving me these years with him.”

By the time I entered, the two of them were awkwardly sipping coffee.  Lightning was on the couch while my father sat opposite her at an armchair.  She directed a slightly nervous smile at me.  After we’d first parted, we’d video chatted about once a week.  It quickly escalated into an everyday thing, and before I knew it I could read most of the nuances in her face. 

I sat as gently as I could next to her, taking her hand in mine.  There was an extra cup of coffee and coaster ready for me.  My father wouldn’t relive the same mistake as the last time she’d visited.  He’d also humiliatingly installed a fire sprinkler system.  I wondered what he’d install after the incident on the stairs.

“As you are aware Mr. Estheim, I have been dating your son for eleven months now.”

Of course he knew.  He’d actually found out before I had the chance to tell him.  My _very_ public display of affection had made it all over the news.  TV stations had run video feed both from security footage and people’s personal cameras.  Articles from every outlet were covered in headers about the return of l’Cie magic.  For months I’d been mortified of going to class, as everyone tormented me about my make-out session on TV.  It’d only been a playful teasing; girls thought it was romantic, guys wanted to know how I’d snagged someone like Lightning.  But still, I was already miserable enough that I couldn’t see her.  I didn’t need to be reminded of it.

The one person I didn’t understand was my father.  He’d merely shrugged the whole thing off.  As if it were a matter of due course that I’d be with her.  This is my son.  His name is Hope.  He is male.  He has green eyes.  He will love this woman.

Everyone who knew us had seemed so certain of it.  The only one who had ever questioned the possibility was the woman herself.  By that time, I was head over heels.

Even Serah and Snow already considered me a brother.  The spare room was now full of baby toys and a bassinet.   He’d kept up his promise to visit regularly, towing his family along in the process.  Lightning claimed to receive more images of me holding her niece than the infant’s parents.  According to Snow, if his daughter couldn’t make memories with her aunt she sure as hell would with her uncle.  Despite that fact that I was only dating Lighting, as she just so frustratingly clarified.

“I am a member of the military.  I lead a dangerous life, but I have no intentions of changing my career.”

“Of course, it’s an honorable profession.  I appreciate your service,” my father said.

Where the hell was this conversation going?  Clearly they both knew something I didn’t.  Lithely, she stood up and kneeled in front of my father taking his hands in hers.

“He is now 18.  He has graduated high school and no longer has responsibilities in your home.  Please let him become part of mine.”

“Of course you have my permission,” my father said in the kindest tone I’d ever heard.  It was the way I remember him speaking to my mother when I was young.

“This might be easier if you stood,” she said to me.

As I stepped toward her, she adjusted until she was now on one knee.  I couldn’t have possibly heard her correctly.  Was this really happening?  Did she actually want me, _forever_?  I could feel my heart trying to break free of my body.  I watched as she held out her hand.  Instead of a ring box, she produced her signature sparks.

“You’ve trusted me with your life. I am entrusting you with the rest of mine.  Hope Estheim, will you do me the honor of being my husband?”

I dropped to my knees and kissed her deeply.

“Yes.”

I kept attacking her with tiny kisses.  Her nose, her cheeks, her lips.  Anywhere, everywhere.  When my father cleared his throat, I disappointedly stopped my barrage.  Lightning took the opportunity to reach for her bag.  She smiled impishly as she pulled it off the couch and into her lap.  Undoing the zipper, she removed a rather large present.  It was wrapped in silver and black paper with a large gold ribbon.  She gave me a kiss and shoved the package into my hands.  I looked at her slightly confused and began to open it.  I laughed the second I lifted the lid from the box.

“I didn’t think you’d remember,” I said, fingering the shimmering pelt.

“How could I forget one of the two times I inadvertently proposed to you in as many days?”

“If you’d given me the chance, I would have said yes those times too.”  I unfolded the pelt and held it up to my chest.  “I don’t think this’ll fit me now though.  Your hopes of having a gremlin husband are dashed.”

“At least you’re still adorable.” 

She took the pelt from me and handed it to my father.  He wouldn’t know the significance of the gift, but he would know that gremlins were hard to come by.  Their only known habitat was the now-crystallized Sunleth Waterscape.  The fact she’d acquired one for me spoke to her investment in our future.  It wasn’t the largest kill she could manage single handedly, Oerba-style.  But it was the one I’d asked for.  Grabbing my left hand, she held it over a freshly restarted meteor shower.

“This may sting a bit,” she said.

The level of elation, devotion, and raw energy in her magic was astronomical.  This must have been what she felt when we’d first kissed on the platform.

A solitary spark traveled up my finger and spun at the knuckle like a ring.  Then it reshaped into a tiny lightning bolt encircling the base.  I felt a sharp pinch, but nothing I’d consider painful.  With that, a small brand was left on my skin.  Thin enough that a gold band would cover it.

 

The scar would eventually heal to a shade almost identical to my skin; only we knew it was there.

 

Even now, decades later, when she runs a finger across it I can still feel her love vibrate through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to extend the hugest thank you to everyone who read, commented, and kudos-ed this thing.  
> I love the hell out of all of you.  
> -R


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